Monday, December 28, 2009

My baby has graduated!

This is rather an overdue entry. My only girl has graduated from pre-school. How time flies. It was only yesterday I sent her to pre-school. Next year she will join her big brother at the sekolah kebangsaan. The real world. Oh how I fear for her. I hope she'll do well adapting with new environment.


With best friend Adam.


The graduating class.


One for the memories. Grand finale concert, a Dangdut dance "Memori Daun Pisang"... despite the funny title, they danced rather gracefully.

Tuesday, November 24, 2009

We are moving - part 2

I've been moving back and forth to my new house - which is about 20 minutes away from my current house - to transfer things over and also to monitor some repair works carried out by the developer's contractors. Though we are the first owner, the house has been completed for almost two years. After two years, the cracks on the wall are definitely showing. According to the site maintenance supervisor, any vacant house left closed, unventilated, will surely have cracks on the wall. It is actually due to the lack of ventilation in the house. So people.. make sure you air your house regularly!

It's been two days of "monitoring" them. I'm really tired just sitting there doing almost nothing and make sure they carry out all the tasks in my complaints. The workers are foreign workers. They take breaks every two hours and seemingly longer than half an hour break. Sometimes I thought if they can continue working like 3 straight hours perhaps they can shorten the time spent at any one house? Well perhaps it's real hard work that they have to take a break every two hours. Maybe.

The repair works will take another few days. I'm sure glad weekend is coming so that my other half can take over. It's gonna be a whole load of work of packing and unpacking after that... there goes the school holidays!

Thursday, November 12, 2009

We are moving - Part 1

Do people need a reason to buy a new house (well.. other than just to own one)? Maybe! Depending on your lifestyle perhaps. We bought another house early this year. There's nothing wrong with our house now except that maybe we need a bigger house now that the 4 brats are growing. Or maybe because the area that we are living now is not getting any better in terms of infrastructure, and maybe because the vacant land in front of my house now is becoming a dumpster despite the numerous complaints I made to the local council. Or perhaps simply because we want to live nearer to my family (err this one is not necessarily true because all my life I choose to live away from my family.. haha!) Or maybe simply because we want a new house... NOT.. only the rich simply buy a house.

The truth is it's the combination of a lot of things above except being rich. We are far from it. Let's just say we are sacrificing our savings for the better living environment for the kids. We will be moving to -what seemed to be- a better neighborhood with a well planned infrastructure and facilities within the vicinity. What I hope the most, other than the facilities, I will get good neighbors just as I have in my current neighborhood. The house is not any bigger than the current house just slighhhtttly bigger.

It will not be easy to start all over again after 7 years staying in my current house but I will have to adjust. I have to adapt to new neighbors, new graoceries store and market, new route and new steps. The two elder boys are already adjusting themselves to a new school which they have already been transferred to since September. Eussuv is doing well and enjoying the new school. Irsyad seems to take longer time to adjust both in making friends and studies. He did not do well in his finals as he usually did in his old school. We had a few "talk sessions" just to help him adapt.

I pray for a smooth transition for everything and everybody. We plan to celebrate the Eid Adha in the new house. It's two weeks away and goshhh... there's so much more to pack!

Thursday, November 5, 2009

What if.....?

I'm in the midst of cleaning up and packing to move to a new house (this will be another entry!). Packing is really a big task if you have your things all the way from single life! Last nite I opened my treasure chest which stored some of after college memories. I found a few things to be thrown away, a few things to be kept further, a few things that made me go OMG, even a few "unwanted pictures"!

One thing though made me wonder. I found a stack of letters from various masters schools in the States for my inquiries about their masters programme. Hmmmm...! Then I found two letters of my GMAT exam results, (I took it twice just to prove myself!) then a few letters from sponsor telling me details of how they would sponsor my masters, letter to go for a Kursus Tatanegara and a few more. I went through everything and wonder... whyyy laaaaa I didn't take up the offer and go
?? What was I thinking then? What if I took up the offer? What would I be today? Will I still be here writing at home? Perhaps I would still be in the States and work there (well that was my dream then... to stay there like forever!) I might not have 4 kids and I might even marry somebody else...

The conclusion I made from reading the letter is just this.. my results for both my undergraduate studies and GMAT were not strong enough for me to be accepted at all the schools I inquired. The thing is.. I didn't even send in my applications! I was so scared of rejection I didn't even dare try even I already got the sponsorship! What I remembered again then, I was at such age where people are trying to do things that suits their life and, at 24-26 my life was such a turmoil and no direction (that's how it is if you have no parents I guess! You still need to be told at that age, or at least be guided!)

Whatever it was, it was... it has passed. I have no regrets. I was just wondering... what if..

I dumped everything away.. it's not valid anymore anyways.. even my GMAT results..Oh well.. and life goes on!

Sunday, October 25, 2009

Life choices

I had two encounters with women of two different world yesterday. It kinda made me think there must be million of women's priorities in this world. We have to go out from our own world to have a counter check of what our life is all about especially when you are feeling lacking of something in your life. Looking at others may help you be more appreciative and thankful of what you have. Let's name these two Lady A and Lady B.

Lady A is a working woman whom I would say a career woman who's very passionate about her job. But hearing her story of her working world scared me.
She works in a legal world where she had to meet clients for legal paperworks at the client's convenient time and place. She has appointments at nights and weekends. She's married with two little kids. She only saw her kids for a few hours in a week. The rest of the time her kids stay with the maid. In my two hour encounter, I gathered she's very proud of this "busyness" of her life. In fact she said she once tried not working and only lasted for two months due to "boredom" staying at home.

I met Lady B right after Lady A near my house. She's a new neighbor. A very friendly lady who calls me "kakak" - I swear the minute I saw her I thought she's older than me.. haha! Anyways, in less than an hour I learnt that she's a housewife with no kids. I asked if she has any business, she said no. And I asked if she's going back to work, she said she prefers taking care of her house. Oh and she has a beautiful house with 6 rooms.. (hear.. 6 rooms and no kids!). I would say she's a lady of leisure! She travels frequently as her husband travels for his work.

After meeting the two ladies, it really made me ponder. Definitely I don't want to be Lady A, working very hard, perhaps with lotsa money yet so little time with her kids. I also don't want to be Lady B who travels the world, has beautiful big house and no doubt cash rich... but no kids. And here I am complaining everything about my life, no job, no money... but Allah has trusted me with 4 children to care for and now I have made the choice to "work for" them. No I'm trying to say those working moms are bad, nor those non-moms are unfortunate, I'm just trying to remind myself over and again of the choice that I've made. I have to be thankful of what and where I am now. I shall stop complaining, I shall stop comparing myself with those high-flying and jet-setting moms. Thank you Allah for giving me the opportunities. And thank you for the encounters that has made me realised the gift that you have given me. Amin.

Friday, October 23, 2009

October bash

It has been a busy month, yet interesting. We celebrated another two birthdays which marked the end of "birthdays" for the year. Oh, I had mine in September but it was nothing grand except a hushed surprised party (but I guessed anyway!) by my nieces and nephews. The two October babies, Eussuv and Syasya, on the other hand, had a very simple but great birthday get together at home. Syasya even had another one at school as it is the school monthly birthday party. Since she's the only October baby, it looked as though it was her party. As expected, I bake the cakes... so we can have as many cakes anyone wanted!I shall say no more as the pictures will tell all!

Eussuv is 9! Chocolate Banana cake. Notice the "sengetness" of the cake. Duhh... talk about being proud of baking your own cake! ha ha..

And Syasya is 6. Chocolate Moist cake. Again.. didn't know you must have a very soft hand to twirl the cream around the cake. Despite the sengetness, Syasya thought it was the most beautiful cake! Thank you dear..

Clapping away.. for the years to come..

With the guests... best cousins.

Celebration at school. Another well"crooked" cake. I will not zoom on it cos this one is worse due to some "technical" error on the cream (excuses excuses!). Yet she still thought it's another most beautiful cake in the world!

I like this one the best. Some cupcakes to go around the cake.

No matter how crooked the cakes were, I still felt good. Perhaps, it's a sign that I need to go for a real deco class. Hopefully, for next year's birthdays... and other ocassions.. I shall fare better.

Tuesday, October 13, 2009

Food .. food and more food..

It's really a month of food. Well Syawal that is. What is supposed to be another good month has become a food month. I had a full "food" weekend for the past two weeks of open houses... and all I could think was those unfortunates in our neighboring countries who were atruck with disaster and eat whatever provided to them.

Dear God, thank for all the food and luxury that you have given us. Ameen.

Monday, October 5, 2009

Ramadhan ... that was...

Syawal is already halfway through. And here I am writing about Ramadhan. Am I in a different time zone or something? It was one great, meaningful, hopefully berkat but way way tiring Ramadhan.

I was OK on the first week of Ramadhan. It was the school holidays, the kids were fasting and they did it well. Even Syasya surprised me by fasting full for the first two weeks. She did it so well that it scared me. No whining, no crying but full of energy. Even the boys whined once in a while. Oh before I forgot.. this was the first Ramadhan in four years that hubby was around. So it sure was different. We got to go for Terawih prayers, I mean all of us. Usually it was just the boys who went, I always have a baby to care for. Now that the "baby" is three years old, old enough to follow instruction while we perform our prayers. Omar had a great time in the surau. He always had other kids to play with without actually disturbing the jemaah.

The second week onwards was rather hectic, maid was off to her hometown until the second week of raya. I had the whole housework and kids all to myself to care for. This is a real challenge. The housework was never ending. What made it worse was the fact that I had to face it 24hrs a day and 7 days a week. Had I work I a 9-5 job, I'd have a break from facing it 24hrs a day.. but no. There was no break to it. Even when you go to sleep you know there's something to be done just before you sleep and the minute you get up. Not to mention the backlog of work that awaits you once you missed it. Call me whatever, nope I don't think I can live with the housework without any help. I value the time with my children more. I realised I spent less time with them but more in the kitchen and with the laundry. The good thing though, I know now how hard my maid works, how committed she is and how efficient she is. I also know now you can train the kids to do housework and they loved it. You have to train them!

It was really one great Ramadhan. Made me realise a lot of things. Taught me lots of patience and gratitude. Did not manage to bake lotsa cookies, did not manage to finish the Quran as I planned to but taught me a great deal another side of me, another side of what life as a full time mother and house "manager" is all about. Perhaps this will prepare me for what's more to come.

Now Syawal is already half way through and my maid is back for another year. I thank Allah for all the things that I went through Ramadhan. I thank Him for gving us the strength and patience especially for the kids who went through Ramadhan without much difficulties (the two boys completed the whole month and Syasya completed almost 3 weeks). And mostly I thank Him for being here again this Ramadhan. InsyaAllah next Ramadhan will be a better one.

Thursday, August 20, 2009

Pesu and her brood

I can't quite recall when it started but we seemed to adopt stray cats and have been feeding at least one cat ever since. There's always at least one cat staying at the house at any one time. But I never allow more than one anyway. The first one they name Simba. After Simba "went away" - well they always come and go - there a few more which the kids would name whatever they want and change it whenever they feel like. There's Nemo, Jamaluddin (?? yeah.. weird), Pesu, Ronaldo, Minnie, Nicky... and the list goes on.

And yes they also have given birth at least twice (at my house). If you watch closely, cats have rather weird way of caring for their young ones (or is it the same for all animals?).. They give birth to at least four kittens but perhaps only one or two survive. I am not sure where the rest went to because it will dissapear one by one and it happened at night!


The current mother cat that we have now (Pesu) was the only one kitten survived of five siblings born in the vase just outside my dining last year. Her mother conveniently dissapeard after Pesu no longer being breastfed. And last week Pesu gave birth to five kittens, the most colorful batch I've ever seen. She's only neyea rold .. mind u! And guess who's the father to these kittens? Pesu's dad! No kidding! I saw them "together"! Euhhh... no I saw the dad "seducing" the daughther. Tried to shoo him away but I guess they did it while we were away. Pesu stayed in our driveway most of the time and would leap up whenever anybody opens the main door. So we would know who she hang out with.

Considering that she's a first time mom, Pesu is rather strong. I did not hear her meowing the whole nite long during labor (unlike her mom who meowed the whole day and circling around the house to look for a "labor room"!). Pesu was quiet only a bit "unsettled". She gave birth at the corner of our porch in the heavy rain in the afternoon. I really didn't hear anything then. I was in the house the whole time. Not that I would have helped even if I knew what was happening. I'm one of those who would not look at newborn kittens... yucks.. geli! So I did not look until a few days later. My maid was the one who had to transfer them into the cage and they stayed there for a few days. Food and milk was served just outside the cage. How pampered huh!


Now a week has passed. Here comes the weird thing. Every morning, Pesu would take out all her kittens from the cage and put them under the bench of my porch. Of course she use her mouth to carry them one by one (this is really gross! it's like she's gonna eat it). And now she's bringing the kittens one by one around the house. Not sure for what! My maid thinks she's showing off her kittens around. Well I think she wanted to give them away! I managed to stop her once or twice. But just a few minutes ago, I checked, one kitten already missing. Either she has sent it away, or it has been eaten by the dad... yes it happened!

That's the story of Pesu. I'm not one who's passionate about animals but since it happened under my nose and in my property, I have to care. Hope things will turn out well for Pesu and her brood!

Wednesday, August 19, 2009

I finally made it!



One that I will call achievement. It's not easy for me attend a class especially on the weekend, but I did it this time. It's called "Hari Raya Cupcakes". Never attended any cooking class before. And this one is not actually a cooking class, it's a deco class. It was made easy by the ever so friendly instructor, my dear friend Aza of liacakes.com. Everything seemed so easy and simple since everything is being provided, the tools and the materials. I don't think I can do it at home, yet.

I liked it, I liked it. I already inquired for another class, a real baking class. Didn't know I actually like doing all this! Thought this would be the after raya project since I don't think I will be capable of this during the fasting month (my very reliable helper will balik kampung second week of puasa until the hari raya). Duhhh... !

I'm rather proud of my "achievement", don't care what people say. And the best, the kids were so thrilled that their mom actually did it. Should see their disbelief look on their faces when they saw what I brought home. Hilarious!!

Friday, August 7, 2009

Re-unions .. re-unions

I attended three re-unions for the past two weeks. It's a great feeling meeting people in your past who used to share happiness and sorrow at any one point of your life. Usually during meetings like this you only talk about the good times and laughed back at what had happened then... even though at that time you thought your life was ending! Then we would be thankful that we are able to look back at all. Bad moments are usually not mentioned or become funny altogether. Wounds seemed to heal, bad intentions or wrongdoings forgiven or forgotten. Friendship is all that matters.

The first re-union was of my other half's high school re-union. It was a big one held at a nice resort just outside KL. It was an overnite event. About 80 of them turned up with their families. They actually have it every year but somehow this is the first time we joined them. It was great getting into the world where you did not exist before in your other half's life. I did not feel left out at all, made some new friends, played some telematch and enjoyed socializing with some of the spouses. Kids were not forgotten with lotsa goodies and fun. I would say they are one generous batch... every family went home with something, lucky draws, prizes, goodies and best.. more memories with friends.

The second re-union was with my ex-colleueges whom I didn't see for a few months.. oh ok. I should not call it a re-union? Maybe I should call it a catch-up session. It's good to re-connect to the working world again but I was glad after that I don't have to go back to the office after that.

And the third one was the one I enjoyed the most. A re-union with some great college friends. Though I get to meet some of them regularly, getting all of us together at one place and one time is not an easy thing to do. Only 14 of us turned up but it was enough to take us down to the memory lane. It was lot of catching up and time rewind! Lots and lots of laughter. Too much that I went home with fever (exaggerating a bit.. I was already getting sick when I arrived!). Too bad I had to leave early .. the rest stayed until the place was closing! The first re-union we had was some 15 years ago. Looks (and perspective perhaps?) may have changed but we felt as though we were transported back to Bloomington where we shared so so much great (and bad) memories. Memories that brings all of us together. Funny, everybody seems to be as young as we were before (minus the look of course)... cracking the same kind of jokes, making funny remarks, teasing and laughing.. It was just so cool!

Nope... I no longer wish to turn back the time to then, just memories are good enough. Re-unions make you look back and see where you are now, where you were before, what you have changed what you have not, where you have progressed in life --- as compared to your friends! That's the only bad side of it.. then again only if you are the type who likes to compare and be challenged about it or be content or just be happy of who you are and where you are. To me... I'm just happy to have some laughter, remember old times, and the best still .. always have my friends!

Monday, July 20, 2009

The AGE dillemma

You can tell if you are getting older when your kids are growing older. Sometimes I missed this. I'd like to stay young and vibrant.. and be the young one I was... but suddenly hey... I see my kids are doing the "young" things I wanted to do. Listen to the latest hit and danced around, be in the latest trend of fashion, play the latest games in the market .. and the list goes on. Imagine if I were to stay young.. as young as the kids. Ha ha.. I don't think so. I don't even know who's hot or the latest gossips these days. Let alone listen to the latest hit! So perhaps I should just stick to young at heart eh?
Omar turned 3 last week and Irsyad is 11 tomorrow. Time flies too fast. Omar is starting to hate my cuddling him.. Irsyad is definitely turning into a tween who's half teenager and half kid. Before I know it, I'll be left alone at home when everybody goes to school (not to mention eventually they will leave us to get married!!). No more babies to cuddle, to bathe, to feed. But a lot of serious mind psyche to raise them. Eh really? I guess it's a gradual thing that we have to take one a time.

Happy birthday boys. I hope I am a good mom to you since you were born and I hope you love me as much as I love you. Wuahhhhahah.. I wish you all don't grow up too fast as I just can't get enough of that baby smell..



This year is all home mad
e birthday cake. I never dream to bake at all!



The birthday boys with dad and cousins.

Tuesday, June 30, 2009

Just a MOM?

I got this in my mailbox from a friend last week. Instead of flooding my friends mailbox, I thought I'd share it with my readers instead. Here goes ..


A woman, renewing her driver's license at the County Clerk's office,was asked by the woman recorder to state her occupation.

She hesitated, uncertain how to classify herself.

"What I mean is, " explained the recorder, "do you have a job or are you just a ...?"

"Of course I have a job," snapped the woman.

"I'm a Mom."

"We don't list 'Mom' as an occupation, 'housewife' covers it," Said the recorder emphatically.

I forgot all about her story until one day I found myself in the same situation, this time at our own Town Hall.

The Clerk was obviously a career woman, poised, efficient, and possessed of a high sounding title like, "Official Interrogator" or "Town Registrar."

"What is your occupation?" she probed..

What made me say it? I do not know. The words simply popped out..
"I'm a Research Associate in the field of Child Development and Human Relations."

The clerk paused, ball-point pen frozen in mid air and looked up as though she had not heard right.

I repeated the title slowly emphasizing the most significant words.
Then I stared with wonder as my pronouncement was written, in bold, black ink on the official questionnaire.

"Might I ask," said the clerk with new interest, "just what you do in your field?"

Coolly, without any trace of fluster in my voice, I heard myself reply,
"I have a continuing program of research, (what mother doesn't)
In the laboratory and in the field, (normally I would have said indoors and out). I'm working for my Masters, (first the Lord and then the whole family)
and already have four credits (all daughters). Of course, the job is one of the most demanding in the human ties, (any mother care to disagree?) and I often work 14 hours a day, (24 is more like it). But the job is more challenging than most run-of-the-mill careers and the rewards are more of a satisfaction rather than just money."

There was an increasing note of respect in the clerk's voice as she
completed the form, stood up, and personally ushered me to the door.

As I drove into our driveway, buoyed up by my glamorous new career, I was greeted by my lab assistants -- ages 13, 7, and 3. Upstairs I could hear our new experimental model, (a 6 month old baby) in the child development program, testing out a new vocal pattern. I felt I had scored a beat on bureaucracy! And I had gone on the official records as someone more distinguished and indispensable to mankind than "just another Mom."
Motherhood!

What a glorious career!
Especially when there's a title on the door.

Does this make grandmothers "Senior Research associates in the field of Child Development and Human Relations"
And great grandmothers "Executive Senior Research Associates?"
I think so!!!
I also think it makes Aunts "Associate Research Assistants."

Well this is totally American but I think is applicable everywhere, just change the department name and titles....

Friday, June 26, 2009

The H1N1 chaos

This morning my sister in law delivered a beautiful baby boy at a well known private hospital here. Eager as I was, I went to the hospital as early as 9 am. Somehow I was greeted by a group of masked hospital staff at the entrance asking me the purpose of my visit. When I told them that I was visiting they told me politely that I need to come back later at 11 during the visiting hour. They're limiting the number of visitors into the hospital due to the H1N1 spread. But as I was already here, I refused not to be let in. So what I did was went back to my car and read newspaper for 10 minutes. I went back to the entrance with very confident face and told them that I have doctor's appointment. They let me with a green sticker on my shirt. I got to see the baby happily. OK call me selfish, but I swear I did not have fever, body ache or flu. So I guess it's OK to cheat.

Apparently the H1N1 spread is raging the world with no warning. It is actually just another type of influenza but since it's something new, we don't have the immunity for it thus the rapid spread. Though it is not fatal, it killed quite many of those how has very low tolerance of antibody.

My nephew's school is one of the schools being infected by the virus as one of the students was infected after returning from a holiday in the USA. Two days ago when one of the classes (not the whole school) was given a one week home quarantine, almost the whole school went down. Parents of non-infected classes took their kids home as well. Well I guess they did the right thing, being proactive. But what some parents of the quarantined kids fail to do are monitoring their kids. You did not allow your kids to go to school in fear of being infected but you let them go out to play soccer with friends?? If you are being exposed at school, by mixing with other people elsewhere you are actually exposing them to the virus as well. So what's the use of being quarantined after all?

I read, watched, and heard quite a number of facts and figures about this virus and all were saying that we have to know what this virus is all about, we have to take preventive action, we have to be pro-active i.e cleanliness, limit travelling, and stay in the house if you are quarantined. It is our responsibilities towards ourselves and people around us. I pray that the virus will somehow die down. Or the medical experts will find the cure. And I pray none around me will be infected. Amin.

Monday, June 22, 2009

Another countdown begins ...

I don't know how to start this entry really.. but I have to write about this one.

For the past 4 years I'm sort of a "temporary" single mother as my other half is working far far away in the desert. It was his choice agreed by all. Well .. kids were too small to decide then. Along the way there were many talks of us following him there but it was never materialised due to the high cost of living in the Middle East.

Thankfully, for the past four years nothing major disaster happened without him except the incident where my maid took away the two kids (this is one long story, need another entry for this!). The rest were manageable though sometimes really challenging for me to raise the brood. The things he missed though were many! He missed all the sports day for all kids, all report card days, he only managed to attend one Hari Anugerah which was last year as it coincide with his break, he missed most of Omar's important milestones like his first step, his first solid food and countless of Omar's antics. In fact, out of Omar's almost 3 years of life, in total he only see him maybe a year or less. I was on my own for the rest of my confinement after Omar's delivery.. he had to leave after a week. But thanks to the technology today, Omar knows his dad very well!

For the past 4 years, I was the driver, the plumber, the mechanic (err.. no problem I've got AAM and reliable workshop), ... you name it. I have gotten used to this situation. I'm used not having him around and making my own decision on little things and looking for solutions. I'm used to taking my kids anywhere without a man around though I rarely do so especially in public in fear of any unwanted incidents. I'm so used to having time for myself without having to worry about a "husband"!

And now the countdown begins... exactly onw week from now he'll be home for good. The kids are so excited! Finally dad is home, they have one complete family. Me.. on the other hand is rather worried.. worried if I step the border of being a wife (this sometimes happened for the past four years whenever he comes home). Most of the time I would assume the lead role for the family .. now I have to transfer the role. I have to re-adjust. The re-adjusting is rather worrying because I foresee some conflicts of what I've taught and train the kids for the past years with what and how he'll do it. We do have some differences in this area.

Whatever it is, I'm glad he's finally coming back (even though his next posting may still require him to travel, but it's in Malaysia). Now that the kids are growing, it's really important for him to have a father figure especially the boys. And for me, some burden is finally shifted.

Alhamdulillah and I pray that things will be well adjusted next week onwards.

Friday, June 19, 2009

This desperate housewife..

I rarely watch "The Desperate Housewives" because I don't see the drama in it... I thought it's rather dry. It's actually just another TV series.. Perhaps they like it because it's about the life, some desperate lives, of a bunch of glamorous housewives. Perhaps they like the sexy women in it.

I think the real desperate housewives are those who are desperate to finish the house chores in 24 hours a day, which is definitely not enough! They are also the ones who're cracking their heads on how to make their daily chores more efficiently, thus time and energy saving, hence more can be accomplished. Then also they are mostly desperate for some time-off, time for themselves when they can just sit back and relax, enjoy a cuppa with no outstanding work waiting and no yelling in their ears.

And there's also this housewife, yours truly, who's desperate for something more adrenalin "pumping".. rather than the routine housework and kids watching. I need something more challenging and with some immediate results. He he.. such ambitions..! No no... I don't need any affairs (God forbid!!!), I don't need any juicy gossips... Perhaps I need a real project.. like the project you have in the office with deadline and all. Then again that's me allright, getting excited about wanting to do things and what not but never get up and actually do it.. Then I'm stuck doing the routine work for the rest of my life. How horrifying! And I also am desperate for some cash to flow into my accounts as it scares me to see my bank statement not getting anywhere! Anybody needs any birthday cakes or cupcakes?

Oh dear... I'd better get off this screen now, my carrot cupcake desperately need some toppings!

Wednesday, June 10, 2009

What's a worthwhile holiday?

The two-weeks school holidays is almost over! How time flies these days. Even the boys noticed it was too fast. Then I reminded them it must be the many many things they did over the holidays that filled up the time real fast.

Before I go on relating the school holidays activities, here's something worth sharing which I heard on the radio on my way to the tuition center an hour ago. It's really ironic when I was babbling to the boys about how they should have spent more time doing some school work this holidays, the radio was telling me on what the PARENTS should do with their kids during the holidays. DOINKKK.. one for me! So this is what the guest in the programme said (it's from one no-nonsense radio station with an expert speaking)..

" ..the school holidays is the time when the parents should get closer to the kids, understand them and develop/ strengthen their aqidah. Among other things that parents should do are:

1) Bring the kids to any majlis ilmu - so that time spent is worthwhile and beneficial

2) Strengthen their relationships (siratulrahim) with family and friends - so that they have sense of belonging and feel loved

3) Get them in touch with the nature - to get to know The Creator, to know His power and Greatness, and to appreciate and love the nature.

All these are part of what the westerners call practical parenting. This has been stressed over and over again in a parenting book (somehow added some islamic values by the speaker).. "

It was only a 3-minute talk.. and I was speechless (by then I had stopped babbling to the boys and I
noticed they grew quiet as well as though they were listening). Then I start recounting the past week event whether I had actually done all 3 above. And really.. I was doing OK, not that bad. I did not get to do No.1.. I actually did number 2 and 3. The sad thing, instead of bringing them to majlis ilmu, they watched movies with their cousins and stroll in the shopping mall with me. Oh well.. perhaps that could be counted as getting in touch with the nature eh?

Here's the real part on getting in touch with the nature:
-- at a famous beach in the east coast ...



And here's bonding with family..
-- with favorite cousin in our kampung...


So I guess.. this is one worthwhile holidays.. will try to fulfill all 3 next time. InsyaAllah.

Tuesday, June 2, 2009

Mom's bad time management

I have been very busy with kids, family and my own project for the past week. One week passed by in a blink. Blame it on my bad time management. I guess if I plan my time properly, perhaps it won't be so bad.

Oh well...

Now that the school hols is here, it's even worse.. My routines have gone haywired. I have things planned until next Monday. After that I hope the kids will stay low and do some studying for their agama school exams right after the break.

I wonder how I did it when I was working. I seem to accomplish a lot more. Now that I have all the time at home, time seems to be never enough. I have tons of things to do and so little time. Time management! Perhaps I should go through my (dusty) Anthony Robbins guide to prioritize!

Another entry without any meaning.. it is bad!

Sunday, May 24, 2009

Hand, foot and mouth..

As exam week is over, I thot I could chill out this weekend with the kids. But we can only plan and Allah grants it..

Since Friday afternoon Omar showed great discomfort in eating or drinking and he would suddely screamed in pain while playing, pointing to his mouth. At first I thought he had toothache. Then I start telling him (hoping that he'd understood) how he should not take too much sweets and all. Then I start looking into his mouth and tried to brush his teeth. Then I saw it .. he had a few ulcers in his mouth. Ohh no wonder. Must be the heat, I thought. And how he lacked drinking water. He was quite OK for the rest of the evening but he drink very little milk and eat with great pain on his face. By bedtime he had very mild fever but begining to wail and wail until he fell asleep. At 2am, he screamed in pain with eyes closed. Gave him paracetamol as painkiller and he was asleep again after 40 mins.

By morning I checked his foot and hands. Yup.. some blisters has appeared. He refused to drink, eat or even talk! Brought him to see the paedic and he confirmed it's HFM. Highly contagious and will last for at least 5 days. Oh boy! 5 days! There's no specific medication for this except for painkiller or paracetamol if he has fever. And something to sooth his ulcer which is almost impossible to drop in his mouth since he refused to open his mouth altogether. The dr also said ice cream is actually a good remedy for this as it will cool the mouth.

Yesterday he only had half bottle of iced lemon tea which later he vomitted all on me. Then a bottle of milk. We offered him ice cream, he took it but he just held the spoon in front of his mouth.. Oh poor boy! Later in the evening he must be really hungry that he tolerated the pain and had some porridge and a whole can of isotonic drink. No wailing in the middle of the nite as I've given him some painkillers before sleep.

Today however is a different story. I thought he's getting better. I was wrong. He refused everything except the isotonic drink, he used sign language to talk and refused to eat any medication. This is day 3. Ohoh.. I hope he will ge better sooner than 5 days because I can see him losing weight already.

HFM is not really dangerous but still it's a virus. If not treated well and control, it will spread and becomes an outbreak. It's normally contracted via saliva or mucus of another person who's had it. This is what puzzled me since Omar is most at the time at home. I didn't bring him to any public places for the past week. Unlike his siblings who's had this before from school last year or so.

It's nothing to be panic about only great hassle in caring the infected ones. And I have to be extra cautious handling the rest of the kids so that they won't get it.

You can read all about HFM here.

Wednesday, May 20, 2009

Another one.. again

It's here again.. and it will be here again and again...

Exam week...

Oh how I dread it. I have to use up all my energy just to get the boys "to look" at their books. Sure.. they have piles of book in front of them .. at the same time the younger ones would lure them into whatever games that they were playing ...! Then I need more and more energy to stop the young ones to involve their brohers. Oh dear.. what chaos.

And this will go on till the end of their schooling... oh dear God gimme the strength, courage and patience!

Eh .. surely it can't be that bad...

Thursday, May 14, 2009

My first step

I have always wanted to do something different in my life but I lacked the courage. And I always thought I'm different but the fact is .. I'm very much the same as anybody else. Last weekend I finally stepped beyond my normal life routine. Did something I thought I'd never do. Well.. could be nothing to some people but something to me.

The event... My sister and I rented a spot in a 3-day bazaar organised by a state mosque here. I had some home made cakes and my sister sell health product of which she is the distributor. We were really nervous about it since we have never done this before. I HAVE NEVER done this in my entire life! Not even during school or college where sometimes some students set up booth to sell something during any college event. Not me.. I was such a public freak (well, I do have my reasons!!)

The expectation ... really, I didn't know what to expect since it was my first time. I also did not think of the sales.. though I did hope for some returns. My "little" worry was the weather since the heat was rather unbearable for the past week. I worried whether I can survive the heat under the tent for 7-10 (or longer) hours a day. My main objective was to get the experience of selling... and to see if my so-called culinary skills can earn me some money.

The experience ... WOW! My first impression.. we were really the small fish there. We were competing with the "real business people". Other booths were occupied by seasoned sellers who had been selling their products for at least a year or so.. who had done this kind of sales numerous of times if not daily. They have all the "right" tools and peripherals to do the selling. I was slightly taken aback at first. Then again I thought, what do you expect, this is the real world. I was doing real sales, meeting real customers from all walk of life. I got a bit nervous then. Somehow my nervousness dissapear when we were greeted by other sellers.. they were SUPER friedly and helpful! My... was I pleasantly surprised. We got acquainted in no time. The booth on my left was selling all kind of dates and raisins, and their hot selling Halal coco drink - MOSHA, fresh in the market. They consists of a few humble young man, ready to help you anytime. My right neighbor is a gutsy friendly, talkative lady and her workers selling Muslim apparels. By the end of the first day, we got acquainted with almost all the sellers, around 20 of them. Though some may be our competitor, but the selling and teamwork spirit is amazing.

After 3 days .. I would say the experience was priceless. Forget the heat which thankfully was bearable because it was rather breezy! Socializing with people on the streets, sellers who are very determined in selling their products, as well as customers of whom you never know what to expect from them except that you hope they would buy from you. You get that exciting feeling when you see people approaching your items, and you tell them excitedly what they are all about. They came, the looked, tasted and looked again. If you are lucky, they buy... if not they just said thank you, smiled and walked away. And you.. took a seat again! Isn't that interesting?

The sales ... welll.. I didn't do so well in this one. Perhaps I did not do enough research on the crowd. You have to reach the right crowd. I was selling cakes in a mosque area. Perhaps a better place to sell cakes is in the mall or offices where the crowd would be more represented. Eh? People who go to mosque are mostly elderlies- who are not supposed to eat sweet things? 80% of my sales came from family and friends who came to visit us by invitation (yup, told thm I'm selling!) and the neighboring sellers who got hungry, or appetised by the cakes. I had leftovers at the end of each day which I would generously gave away to the "neighbors" or my family members. At the end of the 3 days.. I barely covered my costs. My friends thought I was selling the cakes way too low beyond the market price.. well it's true actually. ... I WAS just testing the water!

So that was my first step, hopefully towards something bigger. I will definitely keep on moving further if God wills. Except for the next time around, instead of jumping right into the sea, I will learn how to swim first!

Monday, May 11, 2009

Mother's Day

I bet every mom blogger will be writing about this. Here's my count of the day..

I was out of the house since morning by myself under "a mission" (this will be another entry!) until 5pm. What greeted me was this ..
At the front door...

On the wall in the living hall

Another wall in the living hall

Each of their individual card as they swarmed me when I entered the house.
Apparently they spent the whole day making the cards. Abang made Omar's card. Syasya had 2 cards as one she made at school. It was touching .. really. I have their handmade cards every year actually but this year is rather elaborated since they had time to prepare and surprise me. Abang suggested that we go out to the mall so that he can pick something out for me. But I said the cards are enough and I didn't need any gift. Later we just went out for a drive.
To me I don't need any presents or any special dinner to celebrate me being their mother. Being a mom is already a gift by itself. It's just become even more special when your kids acknowledge, appreciate and most importantly love you as much as love them. Words cannot just describe what being a mother means.
I thank Allah for the gift..
The only thing is that I wish my mom is here so that I can show my appreciation as I don't recall having done that .. well back in those days mom appreciation was not very popular. Those days where moms are just moms.
Al-Fatihah for my mom ...

Tuesday, May 5, 2009

Focus.. ACT!

It's a matter of getting up and do it. I've been doing a lot of reading on how to's on some areas in my attempt to "work from home". But never get around to actually do it. I have all the instructions, I have the tools, I have the means.. but why is it so hard for me to actually do it? Perhaps I lack the will? I have thousands of excuses too! I also thought of so many things that I want to do and I could do. At the end of the day none accomplished. How dissapointing! It's like watching days and months go by.. without any results.

Yesterday I read an article on Money Tree which tells you money does grow on trees! With the right strategies of course.. hence the Money Tree. Last week I read an article on How to Make Money on the Internet.. it really works, but the most important thing is FOCUS. You have to focus on what you want to do.. not do everything. Doinkkkk... one big hit on my head. That's it.. another thing that I'm lacking.. focus.. that's why I end up doing nothing. I want to do so many things.. I end up doing a little bit here and there - nothing accomplished.

Oh well perhaps there are "some" things accomplished. I managed all data gathering and preparation of tools and content.. but still.. there's no real determination in getting it done. Perhaps I need to get desperate. But I am kinda desperate right now. I'm desperate to get excited to see the results, desperate to fill my time with something "intellectually challenging" .. other than "parental challenge". And most of all desperate to see some RM pouring into my bank account out of my efforts.

I guess this is the real dilemma of me being a SAHM. I lack the focus, motivation and determination.. despite the desperation that I'm feeling. I hope I will not head to failure.. They say you have to fail first, it's a BIG step towards success. I truly agree.. hey but I am so afraid of failure. I have never really failed.. not really so successful either.. but I get through. I got through school, I got through college, I got through 15 years of working life. That's all there is, I got through. It's pathetic. No real success.

The only success so far that I see is raising my kids which is even then I am not sure of the real result until they grow up and live their lives "successfully". And this .. I swear.. I will not just go through it. I am working hard for it because I can feel the pain of raising them. I have my all my emotions surfacing while taking care of them. So I pray hard ... I will tread through this one.. and I will be successful.

I'm straying away from what I was gonna write.. being focused. Now that I've lashed out everything here.. perhaps today onwards, I will take action and hope for the best results rather than wonder how it would turn out. All the best to me!

Saturday, April 25, 2009

Tween

Ever heard of this word? I first heard it a few years ago but never bother about it until I'm faced with one now.

A quick check on the wikipedia gave me this:
Tween is an American neologism and marketing term for preteen. A blend of between and teen, "tween" in this context is generally considered to cover the age range from eight to twelve years.

As you should guess.. yeap, I have two of these. One is just becoming one, and the other is very much one. As days go by, as I find it more difficult to handle these two, I realised that they are no longer babies and they shouldn't be treated like one. I suddenly remembered the TWEEN term and start googling it. It's a gradual development that you don't even noticed since you are with them all the time.

The good thing of a tween is that you can reason with them easier as they have better understanding of things as compared to little children, you can have serious talk with them, they learn to compromise and the best is you can begin to see the results of the early upbringing on them (well if you did it right in the first place). You can even roll your eyes together with him (in understanding) for the fuss the younger ones made.

The not so good thing is they are in the phase of discovering their identity hence they have some kind of mood swing which is very hard for us to decipher. You have to be gentle as not to hamper their development, at the same time you have to be strict as not to let him stray away from you. You have to watch what you are saying when they are around because they are definitely listening and trying to grasp whatever that you are saying even though it has nothing to do with them. This is also the phase where finding the right size or the right fashion for them is the hardest. They are too little for adult size or fashion but too old/big for kids fashion and size. I find this very frustrating. They want to blend in with the older kids (i.e.teenagers) but what's in the market for their age is still reflecting little children's age. The trend is now slowly changing now that some research has been done on the TWEEN market.

Google tween if you want to know more. You will find many interesting articles on it.

How time flies.. they are growing fast.. me getting old even faster!

Sunday, April 19, 2009

Of a separation ...

On a sad note.. last 2 weeks I heard a shocking news from a dear dear friend that she was being divorced by her husband of 8 years. They seemed to me the most perfect couple. The reason of the divorce, the most stupidest reason I've ever heard... she's the barrier of his success. Looks like this guy has never heard of the phrase "behind every successful man, there's a woman".. the woman who's supposed to be the pillar of his success. After all, what is the success for if it's not for your woman, for your children. Really I don't get it! To me it's just an excuse to marry another woman.. which is very true in this case.

Marriage is all about loving, sharing, compromising and sacrificing. If you are not willing to have all that, you are in for trouble sooner or later.

Sometimes the reality of life sucks. Then again it depends on how you drive your life through .. it's a journey... not really a destination. The only destination is the afterlife.. life is just a transit to the afterlife.

Tuesday, April 14, 2009

Of a wedding ...

The "glorious" event that has kept me busy for the past weeks. Wedding of my niece. It was quite an event.. for a few days starting with the akad at home and reception at a banquet hall. I wish the bride and groom a lifetime marriage!







The procession of flower-gals and one little "flower-boy" ... together with some "old" maids-of-honor!




Bestest of friends... flower boy with two favorite flower gals ..




Eight flower-gals and one flower-boy..









I have at least one wedding of a niece or nephew almost every year.. but this is the first time we have the little flower gals. They really enjoyed being part of the important event. Funnily .. Omar somehow got into it the last minute as he insisted holding his favorite cousin's hands the whole time during the rehearsal. So we decided to include him as well. We managed to find the bow-tie at the very last minute to match the theme. Thank God he was VERY well-behaved during the ceremony!

Tuesday, March 31, 2009

The things I learn ..

It's amazing what I've learnt or re-learn for the past few years from the kids. Gives me some kind of satisfaction as I educate myself as well as teaching my kids in return ..

Among others:
1) Learn how to tie a necktie as the boys wear real necktie to school. I took it up from the internet. As hubby rarely wears tie and he's not around, I never bother before. Somehow I'm very proud of myself of this new "skill". I'm sure this is like nothing.. but to me, it's really something!

2) Learn the tajwid from Irsyad as I listen to him reading (and reading together) the Quran. This is another something that I treasure. Sometimes I wish to go to agama school with him so that I can learn again. He's definitely more knowledgeable than me in the religion as of now!

3) Refresh my Arabic so that I can help them with their Arabic homework. This is fun!

4) Learn how to use the abacus. Something that I've wanted to learn for a long time. It's very interesting.. Syasya taught me this one and later I help her do her homework using it.

5) Learn to read music notes. My least favorite and most difficult. Had to so that can make help Syasya with her piano lessons. But thankfully she's a fast learner, so I only have to guide her.. not actually teach her.

Life is indeed a learning process. What you learn now may not be useful now and not to you, but it might be later .. and for you to help and to pass on to somebody else.

Monday, March 23, 2009

Que sera sera

Que sera sera, whatever will be, will be.. the future's not ours to see.. Que sera sera.. what will be will be..

Nope not talking about my future.. this is THE future for me already. I was just thinking about the kids these days and what their future may be. Of course we couldn't predict their future but we can plan, guide and support them.

In Malaysia where we are very very much exam oriented, "A" oriented - exam oriented, it's kinda easy to "plan" for the future. You go to school, college, etc, you passed with flying colors.. and taaadaaa.. you have a bright future. Well I would say.. old school of thoughts. These days it's not quite as simple as that. Gone were the days, a piece of paper you called a "degree", is very much seeked for and valued. These days with almost half of the population (my very own estimate by looking at the number of colleges and universities mushrooming around) having at least graduated with a degree, it's hard to say your future is definitely bright! With the supply is definitely surpassed the demand, one must rely on their own initiative, creativity, and unceased efforts to be sure of a bright future. Then again, how do you define a bright future?

Last week when they announced the SPM results - it's like defining a new life to a child going into adulthood!, or like a death sentence to some who did not do well or did not meet their expectations or their parents'!! - I saw tears of joy, tears of dissapointment, as well as shrugs of shoulders. Parents are busy "deciding" or helping their children choose what's next in their lives. But some knew what they wanted - a working world... thinking of making so much money with a high school certificate - much to the dissapointment of their parents.

I have noticed a different trend in parents these days. Parents are more educated and well informed these days. They realised that this is not about them, it's not about what they want, it's about what the children want, what they can do, their strength and weaknesses. No point of asking your child to study accounting when the poor child hates Math or anything close to accounting. We should steer our children towards what they do best and what they like for them to sucess later in life and thus perhaps have a "bright" future. We should no longer be the parents in those days who thinks their children will only be successful if they are accountants, engineers, teacher, or doctors. No doubt all of these professions are well respected, secure and have meanings to it.. but is that what our children want? Besides, there are zillionth other professions in the market today that they can be successful at. Perhaps we can tap their strength at the early age and steer them to the right direction.

We can only plan the future, we can only hope and pray for it to be what we/ they want it to be. The rest will all be in His hands.

Thursday, March 5, 2009

My SAHM Myths

Here are some myths about Stay-At-Home-Mom (SAHM)... which I have gathered for the few months I am one... this is somehow not necessarily true for all SAHM.

Myth No.1- I can go out and meet my friends whenever I like
NOT! I have to plan any outing days in advance .... so far I only get to go out my friends twice. Other outings are mainly for groceries and market! The thought of leaving the kids somehow terrifies me these days!

Myth No.2 - I can cook nice meals all the time..
I wish! The excitement of cooking wore out after one month or so. I run out of ideas of what to cook after a while. At that then, I leave it to my maid to cook. I think I cook more when I was working. Even my interests of trying new recipes has waned off!

Myth No.3 - I can blog everyday
No way! There are 1001 things to do. I blog more often when I was working! There are always things to do preventing me from punching the keyboard! This entry sits in the draft for a week before I can actually post it.

Myth No.4 - I can read all the books in the world anytime
NOT too! I'm the type who can't put down a book once I start. Once I start a new book, I shut everything else around me until I'm done with it .. yeap.. including kids, housechores, internet, cooking, etc. The world kinda stop when I'm "in" a book. Really.. I can't afford that!

Myth No.5 - I can accomplish the "to do" list that I have compiled when I was working in no time..
Errr... not yet! Oh dear.. I think I really have to improve my time management again. Things are really not done they way I'd want it too.

I'm not sure how other SAHM are doing it. I'm positive that there are ways I can be more motivated and accomplish more other than just kids kids kids!! There are 1001 things that I want to do. I want to take up classes and educate myself, I want to write more, I want to set up a website, I want to do more and more. The time seems to be so short. And I only realise this when I'm a SAHM.

WHY?

Wednesday, March 4, 2009

Teach you child some important basic info early

At what age do you think you should teach your child some basic important info about themselves? I would say as young as they are aware of their environemt, know how to use basic things at home especially the phone. These are to me "basic skills" that is important for them to know in case of emergency. And in this day and age, emergency is the last thing that we want.

Why am I rambling about this? Some time early this year, I went to pick up Eussuv from school but as I was late, he already went off with the van. As I was going out from the school, I saw a boy crying as though he was lost. Pitying him, as it was already 6:45pm and the school was almost empty, I stopped and asked him what's wrong. He said his father is supposed to pick him up but he's nowhere to be seen. He also said that his father is usually on-time. My heart went out for him instantly. I can understand his fear. So I asked him where he lives. It happened to be on my way home. Then I said why don't you call your dad using my phone and ask him, and perhaps if he's so late I can send you home .. (me playing the rescuer). And this is what he says.. I don't know his number! Huh? How about your mom's number or house number? Also don't know. Oh dear!! And this is a 9-year old boy. A 9-year old boy whom I believe can already read and count.. do not know his parents or house number!! I was really really shocked. I was actually shaking my head. How could they? Maybe I'm overreacting. But really, this is THE basic info that I was talking about. Since I don't want to be responsible to a child with no info, I handed him over to the school guard and teacher in charged. If he had known the number I would have sent him home and save him from all his misery.

Another similar incident was when Irsyad's friend wanted a ride from me because his mom will be late. I asked him to call his mom first to let her know. Again he didn't know his parents/home number. And this boy is 11. Lucky he knows where he lives! And lucky for him that I actually keep his mom's number by coincident! Mind you, this boy also does not know how to use money as he always brings food from home. He never buys anything at school. No, I was not being nosy but the reason I had to pick him up with my son was because they had to stay back after school for an activity and they had to have lunch at school. So this boy suggested that perhaps my son could treat him lunch. The whole week! Errr.. I don't think so! To me, at least at 11 years old, he should know how to buy things just for the sake of skills (not necessarily for shopping!)

I'm not trying to put down any parents but I believe there are some things that parents should teach their children for their own safety and well-being. When you raise your children, it includes all aspects of their lives, their physical and mental development, their well being, their safety, their environment, etc etc.. the list is endless! Little things like knowing parents phone numbers may seem trivial but it is of great importance. What if the child is lost? What if the child is kidnapped then later managed to get away? There are so many what ifs. And I believe these little things may help. It is part of basic survival skills.

So parents, please, do teach your kids to remember the important phone numbers. But also, teach them not to reveal numbers or address to strangers. Teach them to fear strangers. Teach them over and over again what's good and bad around them hoping that they will be safe in any situation.

Wednesday, February 25, 2009

Fashion statement

People say kids always give the most honest opionion and they don't lie. Having 4 chatterbox in my household definitely help a lot to get some insights of things. Well not everything, depending on the situation.
Not sure if it's because of they have grown up, or they are observant or they love to see nice things, but I often get commented upon with my dressings or the way I look from the kids. It ranges from - mom you look nice - that blouse/ tudung does not match - you look kinda big - the jeans is too tight on you - you should wear that (blouse, etc) more often - to all sorts of fashion advice. This is especially more abvious now that I am at home. One is because they see me most of the time and also because they are the only ones I have for opinions.
Last weekend we went to an event at the boys' school. Upon their request, I donned my baju kurung with matching tudung, and a handbag with matching shoes. No kidding, I seek their "approval" first of the entire outfit and get an OK. So after the event, I asked them.. "so you are happy I went to your school with Baju Kurung?" And I supposed everything was OK. And this is Irsyad's reply:
'Everything OK except for your make-up.' HUH? What make-up?
'I think you overdo it' WHATTTT? What do you mean. Too much make-up? I only had a very subtle lipstick, powder, a bit of eye-liner. My normal stuff.
'I think you should wear less make-up, like so and so (mentioning my sister and my niece)'.. Oh dear!! This so and so are also having very brief thing on their faces. I thought I do look like them as well. We sat down for about 15 mins just discussing this. I think what he wanted is for me to look the same as everybody else. But I do blend in with everything else. But I did say thank you at the end and told him that I'm gonna ask his opinion again in our next outing.. I value his opinion.
They may not have the sense of fashion yet, but I find their opinion very important, as important as the opinions of fashion consultant! So I shall heed to their advice. I'm sure they want to be proud having a "fashionable- not out of place" mom!

Friday, February 20, 2009

Emotional turmoil

Am I having a mid-life crisis? But I'm too young for it still. I'm having this chaotic feelings .. at one time I'm OK, the next minute depressed. A sudden need for a good mushy movie then hoping for a good thriller the next! Duhh.. I have changed my preferences for movies and books for a few times for the last few months. Perhaps this is due to the change of routine in my life? Perhaps. Or in pursuit of finding the real me, what I can do, what I'm good at, my weaknesses, my likes and dislikes.

Or perhaps the loneliness that's eating me slowly having to face just the kids without any other adult around to talk to (other than my maid!). But thanks to the technology - the internet - I am able to take this off my chest

Oh well.. this too .. will pass I hope!

Tuesday, February 17, 2009

The little things..

One of the things that I enjoyed the most staying at home is the little littlest conversation I have with the kids at any time of the day. This may range from their endless complaints about anything, or their joy of doing or getting something, or their thoughts about things, or even their dreams. Here are some of the things that I have "collected" :

1- I want to be a custom officer instead of fireman when I grow up (huh??)... why? Because I get to open people's car boot when they pass me by - from Eussuv after we got back from our trip to Singapore some time last year.
2- I want to buy a house in Laman Granview when I grow up (a place nearby our house where it's an exclusive area of on top of the hills - bungalows with swimming pool. We went to see the show house some time last year.. just out of curiosity) - Eussuv
3- I want to change school because the teacher won't let me take part in the sports day - Eussuv again
4- I don't ever want to get married. I just want to stay here with Mummy. - Syasya
5- I think I'll skip dinner tonite. Look at my tummy... it's bulging! - Irsyad
6- Mom, why don't you wear baju kurung when you come to my school instead of pants. My teacher said you look very pretty in baju kurung! - Eussuv
7. Saaayyaaaam Mummy (supposedly "sayang" - he still couldn't say it right!) - Omar when I scolded him..

And the list goes on and on..

Aaahhh.. the joy of motherhood!

Thursday, February 12, 2009

Birth order personalities

I was gonna write about a second child syndrome inofrmation because of my misery handling my second child. But when I googled it, I found a number of interesting articles not just about second child but about the whole birth order personalities which really amazed me.

My second one, Eussuv is the most complex one among all 4. He's the different one not just in looks and physical appearence but personalities as well. He can be very charming, helpful and fun at one time and switch to the opposite the very next minute. He can play on his own or be in his own world. He's artistic, and assemble B-Daman better than Abang. All the time he wants to be like Abang. He even said "I should have been born first!". He wants everything that Abang has. If we bought two similar things, he would say his doesn't work and insist on Abang's. He would complain about everything that does not come his way, including the school system! I think he tries hard to be the attention center while Abang has it all. It really drives me crazy. When I talk about this to other people, they say, second child syndrome! I have compared him to many other second child in my family and they kinda have similar traits though not entirely.

The followings are based on theory/ suggestions by Alfred Adler, a contemporary of Sigmund Freud, was one of the first psychologists :

Middle borns tend to be people pleasers who hate confrontation. They may take on the opposite personalities of their older, first born sibling. They are usually calm and eager to make everyone happy. Second borns are skilled at seeing both sides of a problem and this makes them good mediators and negotiators. Second borns, however, have a difficult time setting boundaries. They are eager to be liked, even to the point of doing things they don't feel comfortable with to keep their friends. They are less driven than first borns. They may become co-dependent as they try to please everyone. Second borns have difficulty making decisions that might offend others. They tend to blame themselves when others fail.

The middle or second born child often have a feeling of not belonging to the group. Being in the middle can make the second child feel insecure. They may lack the drive and motivation that is so prevalent in the first born. The second child may instead look to the first born for direction. This may also make the second born feel out of place because they aren't over achievers. Instead, the middle child usually just goes with the flow.

Second born children are often loners. They may have trouble latching on to a person in a relationship. They may also have trouble making decisions in school and in a career. Second or middle borns are usually artistic and creative, but don't work well under pressure. They have a history of starting projects and never finishing them. When choosing a career, most middle or second children would be best suited for something where they could freely express themselves, have flexible hours and frequently changing projects.

If you feel like your child may have middle or second child syndrome, the best way you can help them is by paying attention to them. Since they crave your notice, giving it to them may be the best solution to help solve any problems that come from middle child syndrome. Try to encourage them to use their talents and make their own decisions, without the influence of the oldest sibling.

Yup, exactlly what I'm trying to do now, paying more attention to him that it drives me nuts!! But I'm his mom.. I'm responsible to make his growing up a pleasant experience. Having the information as above perhaps will help me to develop him not as a loner, underachiever or worst, a rebel. I'm praying hard to give me the strength to do this.

Syasya is also considered middle-born being the third in the family but she's not as difficult. Perhaps she's the only girl thus she has the special attention that the middle born yearns for.

Here are the other personality traits mentioned which I think is rather true (coincidently?) if mapped to my children.

•Only children are the movers and shakers of the world. They are task oriented and tend to be extremely well organized. They are dependable and reliable. They are very comfortable being in a position of responsibility. Since only borns grew up alone, they often work well alone.
On the negative side of things, only borns are often unforgiving and demanding. They hate to admit when they are wrong and don't accept criticism well. Their feelings are easily hurt and they tend to struggle in conflict.


•First borns are the natural leaders. They often live with a sense of superiority. They can be aggressive and controlling, but usually in a positive, "mover and shaker" sense. First borns pay attention to detail, are punctual organized and competent.
On the other hand, first borns can be moody and lack sensitivity. They can be intimidating and push people too hard. They can be a bit of a "know it all" and are usually not good at delegating because they don't trust others as much as they trust themselves. They may be bossy and overly conscientious.


•Last borns are the fun loving, happy go lucky type of people. They have strong people skills and love to entertain and talk to others. They make friends fairly easily and make others feel comfortable around them. They are usually extroverts. They're not afraid to take risks.
On the other hand, youngest children tend to get bored quickly. They have a strong fear of rejection and a short attention span. When things stop being fun, youngest borns tend to want to find something else to do. They may be slightly self-centered and selfish. They have trouble finishing projects.


Well, take your pick. Let me know if this is true in your family too, especially on the second-born.. and relieve me from unnecessary stress!

Sunday, February 1, 2009

First month review

It's been slightly over a month since I last said goodbye to the working world and become SAHM - Stay At Home Mom. I've got friends who sometimes call or text me asking me how am I doing or what exactly I am doing now. Some thought that it's such a waste of talent (huh?) for me to quit, some thought that I'm holding the best position in the world, some even admired me for making such brave decision .. (err.. really? brave?)

Perhaps I should reflect my current situation just to make sure I AM doing the right decision and where I'm going after this. OK, let's roll..

What I've been doing so far:
- Concentrating on the kids like pay extra attention to their well-being, schooling, time management, language, etc, etc..
- Giving the kids lots more cuddles and kisses (this was rather limited before)
- Talk and listen to them more
- Thinking and thinking and researching of what can I do to generate some income rather than depending totally on my hubby - suddenly I have so many ideas but none tried yet
- Getting connected with old friends
- Trying to get rid of unnecessary stuff in my store room
- Baked cakes and bread, pudding and pie, and tried many new recipes. Trying to eliminate outside food altogether. Managed to bake brownies for my Chinese friends and neighbors instead of buying cookies for them like I normally did.
- Exercise daily - morning and evening

How am I doing/ feeling so far
- I feel great, not really ecstatic the whole time but simply great, cool and calm
- No regrets of quitting my job nor feeling like going back to work
- Gained "some" weight

What I have observed/think for the past one month
- 24 hours a day is simply not enough to do things... anything
- I have become more patient with the kids
- I think I'm getting old!
- I think a lot about things... about so many things that I've never thought before
- I'm a real good procastinator (if there's such word!)
- I'm an "underachiever" at work.. that's why I have to quit my job. Now I have to do something about it so that I don't quit my life as a SAHM!
- I have no desire to go back to work. That will be the last resort if we are financially tight. I will try other things first!
- I become very concious about my body (weight gain, exercise, hair!)
- I become very budget concious as well, trying to cut down on everything
- I am not bored at home.. in fact my time if filled every minute with things to attend to even though my maid is around
- I still think I'm not good enough a mother!
- My kids have become too clingy to me
- Eussuv's self confidence has improved with me at home. Being manja (without even realising it).. he needs me the most!
- Irsyad is worried that we will have no money for anything since I'm not working. Any trip to the shop is "membazir".. even grocery shopping!!!

What I will have to do next ..
- Be focused in whatever I want to do.
- Have a specific and clear goal of life for the rest of my life (oh sure I do have goals.. it's just that it keeps changing.. so I end up nowhere)
- Lebih rajin lagi melayan anak2! I took for granted the maid is around!
- Narrow down my thoughts only to the beneficial ones... like focus only on the necessary and within my capabilities.. I can't be doing everything simply because it looks simple and interesting enough
- Try to convince hubby to cut down the unnecessary luxuries .. this will be the hardest!

To me this first month is a lot of trials and errors on many things and testing my capabilities, my feelings ... it's like looking inside of me.. finding who I really am. It's rather scary really. Here I am, on the verge of the BIG four 0 suddenly finding so many bad things about myself and thinking, is there still time to change! But I will have to. My children are my life now. I will have to change for their future, they still have a long way to go.

So perhaps this first month review will not tell you anything yet. I shall reflect again next month.