Thursday, November 5, 2009

What if.....?

I'm in the midst of cleaning up and packing to move to a new house (this will be another entry!). Packing is really a big task if you have your things all the way from single life! Last nite I opened my treasure chest which stored some of after college memories. I found a few things to be thrown away, a few things to be kept further, a few things that made me go OMG, even a few "unwanted pictures"!

One thing though made me wonder. I found a stack of letters from various masters schools in the States for my inquiries about their masters programme. Hmmmm...! Then I found two letters of my GMAT exam results, (I took it twice just to prove myself!) then a few letters from sponsor telling me details of how they would sponsor my masters, letter to go for a Kursus Tatanegara and a few more. I went through everything and wonder... whyyy laaaaa I didn't take up the offer and go
?? What was I thinking then? What if I took up the offer? What would I be today? Will I still be here writing at home? Perhaps I would still be in the States and work there (well that was my dream then... to stay there like forever!) I might not have 4 kids and I might even marry somebody else...

The conclusion I made from reading the letter is just this.. my results for both my undergraduate studies and GMAT were not strong enough for me to be accepted at all the schools I inquired. The thing is.. I didn't even send in my applications! I was so scared of rejection I didn't even dare try even I already got the sponsorship! What I remembered again then, I was at such age where people are trying to do things that suits their life and, at 24-26 my life was such a turmoil and no direction (that's how it is if you have no parents I guess! You still need to be told at that age, or at least be guided!)

Whatever it was, it was... it has passed. I have no regrets. I was just wondering... what if..

I dumped everything away.. it's not valid anymore anyways.. even my GMAT results..Oh well.. and life goes on!


3yearshousewife said...

Would be very interesting to see the 'unwanted pictures'...
Good luck with the packing and unpacking process.

Mommy dearie said...

hahahah... siap pandang kiri kanan and koyak cepat2.. phewwwhhh!