Thursday, February 12, 2009

Birth order personalities

I was gonna write about a second child syndrome inofrmation because of my misery handling my second child. But when I googled it, I found a number of interesting articles not just about second child but about the whole birth order personalities which really amazed me.

My second one, Eussuv is the most complex one among all 4. He's the different one not just in looks and physical appearence but personalities as well. He can be very charming, helpful and fun at one time and switch to the opposite the very next minute. He can play on his own or be in his own world. He's artistic, and assemble B-Daman better than Abang. All the time he wants to be like Abang. He even said "I should have been born first!". He wants everything that Abang has. If we bought two similar things, he would say his doesn't work and insist on Abang's. He would complain about everything that does not come his way, including the school system! I think he tries hard to be the attention center while Abang has it all. It really drives me crazy. When I talk about this to other people, they say, second child syndrome! I have compared him to many other second child in my family and they kinda have similar traits though not entirely.

The followings are based on theory/ suggestions by Alfred Adler, a contemporary of Sigmund Freud, was one of the first psychologists :

Middle borns tend to be people pleasers who hate confrontation. They may take on the opposite personalities of their older, first born sibling. They are usually calm and eager to make everyone happy. Second borns are skilled at seeing both sides of a problem and this makes them good mediators and negotiators. Second borns, however, have a difficult time setting boundaries. They are eager to be liked, even to the point of doing things they don't feel comfortable with to keep their friends. They are less driven than first borns. They may become co-dependent as they try to please everyone. Second borns have difficulty making decisions that might offend others. They tend to blame themselves when others fail.

The middle or second born child often have a feeling of not belonging to the group. Being in the middle can make the second child feel insecure. They may lack the drive and motivation that is so prevalent in the first born. The second child may instead look to the first born for direction. This may also make the second born feel out of place because they aren't over achievers. Instead, the middle child usually just goes with the flow.

Second born children are often loners. They may have trouble latching on to a person in a relationship. They may also have trouble making decisions in school and in a career. Second or middle borns are usually artistic and creative, but don't work well under pressure. They have a history of starting projects and never finishing them. When choosing a career, most middle or second children would be best suited for something where they could freely express themselves, have flexible hours and frequently changing projects.

If you feel like your child may have middle or second child syndrome, the best way you can help them is by paying attention to them. Since they crave your notice, giving it to them may be the best solution to help solve any problems that come from middle child syndrome. Try to encourage them to use their talents and make their own decisions, without the influence of the oldest sibling.

Yup, exactlly what I'm trying to do now, paying more attention to him that it drives me nuts!! But I'm his mom.. I'm responsible to make his growing up a pleasant experience. Having the information as above perhaps will help me to develop him not as a loner, underachiever or worst, a rebel. I'm praying hard to give me the strength to do this.

Syasya is also considered middle-born being the third in the family but she's not as difficult. Perhaps she's the only girl thus she has the special attention that the middle born yearns for.

Here are the other personality traits mentioned which I think is rather true (coincidently?) if mapped to my children.

•Only children are the movers and shakers of the world. They are task oriented and tend to be extremely well organized. They are dependable and reliable. They are very comfortable being in a position of responsibility. Since only borns grew up alone, they often work well alone.
On the negative side of things, only borns are often unforgiving and demanding. They hate to admit when they are wrong and don't accept criticism well. Their feelings are easily hurt and they tend to struggle in conflict.

•First borns are the natural leaders. They often live with a sense of superiority. They can be aggressive and controlling, but usually in a positive, "mover and shaker" sense. First borns pay attention to detail, are punctual organized and competent.
On the other hand, first borns can be moody and lack sensitivity. They can be intimidating and push people too hard. They can be a bit of a "know it all" and are usually not good at delegating because they don't trust others as much as they trust themselves. They may be bossy and overly conscientious.

•Last borns are the fun loving, happy go lucky type of people. They have strong people skills and love to entertain and talk to others. They make friends fairly easily and make others feel comfortable around them. They are usually extroverts. They're not afraid to take risks.
On the other hand, youngest children tend to get bored quickly. They have a strong fear of rejection and a short attention span. When things stop being fun, youngest borns tend to want to find something else to do. They may be slightly self-centered and selfish. They have trouble finishing projects.

Well, take your pick. Let me know if this is true in your family too, especially on the second-born.. and relieve me from unnecessary stress!


SabrinaWM said...

My first born and the second child is totally opposite of the theory (I think). The first born kind of hoping that she's the youngest - do not want to take responsibility much, let the adik take control fo situation and lives in her own world that she build around herself. And my second one is the more dominant character - attention seeker, nonetheless but work on getting it by being the an achiever, highly competitive and also insisting being the leader of almost anything that interest her.

Maybe this personality has also some link to the name given? My observation directed me towards that conclusion more than the birth order...

3yearshousewife said...

The creative & not finishing on projects started part are true for my second child. He's some kind of a 'don't feel that he belongs ' eventhough I think he likes to be with friends who don't really fancy his company. He'll do anything to impress. Poor him.

Mommy dearie said...

The theory may not be applicable for all la then kan! Hmm ye lah every family is different. But generally it may. Perhaps nama pun ada kaitan as we always know that giving a good name to a child is very important factor as well.

So I guess I'm not alone in worrying about my second one! Yeah poor them!