Some of the things that happened around my life lately has got me thinking about the stages of my life. While I am ever so grateful to have reached half a century of age, I reflected what life had been for the past five decades, I would say I'd had life fully at its best, not necessarily achieved what I had dreamt of but enough to make my life full. I used to regret so many things in my younger days, always hoping that my life was not as such, wishing for a better life, dreaming of a better job, even thinking of running away from home in pursuit of a better life. Of course those were only in my head.. it was never materialized. And I'm glad I did not make it happen!
My life is easily mapped by stages. I may not remember everything in details but I do have some collections of significant moments.
The first stage would be from birth to age 12. This was the very stage full of love, tender loving care of my parents and family. We stayed in a rural area where everyone cares for each other in the village.. it's nothing like you see today where everyone is cautious of each other without even knowing each other. I enjoyed my childhood immensely. I have no recollection of bad memories at all... well almost, other than some little siblings bickering which is only normal in a family. Having reached my age now most of memories have gone too deep in my memory bank to be recalled. But my feelings strongly told me that this was the love stage, showers of love that I may not get ever again in other stages of life. One thing for sure, this was the stage that my parents planted the base in me, a very strong base for me to carry for the rest of my life. Something you only realised much much later in life or maybe only when you have children of your own. What was planted in me at this stage, whatever it was, saved me from so so many things/events/people all throughout my life. My parents had done such wonderful job in preparing me to be who I am today during this stage.
The next stage of life was the time I was sent away for a boarding school and for a pre-university program. My boarding school life was something that I want to erase. I hated it.. I hated the 5 hour journey in a non-air-conditioning bus to the school.. I hated the hours they made me study.. I hated the rules and so so many rules they imposed in our daily lives. Life was going in and about in a confined compound with rules.. I just dislike everything. BUT.. I endured the 5 years. I endured it for the sake of learning, I endured it for the sake of growing up and learning something about life. I can bear it because I have wonderful friends and educators who made the dull place livable and colorful. Indeed, it taught me many firsts in life. It was just the beginning about life. Not long after that, I boarded another place for my pre-u. It was an eye-opener and yet shocking to me who has been 'grounded' for the previous 5 years. It was a new world altogether. It was the world so wide, open, lively and too colorful that I got scared getting into it. It was a struggle at first. I love it so much that I had to contain myself as I was scared I got carried away with the fast and different flow of life. The 5 grounding years had indeed taught me something, or perhaps it was the strong basic rules of life my parents instilled in me has saved me from getting swayed away in this new life. I lay low here, I struggled in the new environment and yet enjoying it towards the end of my stay. At this stage also I lost my dear dad, something so unexpected. Somehow I was not too crushed since I know I still have my mom whom I'm closer too (but that doesn't mean I was not sad).
I will stop here for now before moving on to the next stage of my life. These two stages of life were the fragile life of me. Too sheltered with love and dependency. Life took a complete turn in the next stage due to many reasons and events. It was the start of the real journey of my life. I'm glad though it happened that way. It made my life more colorful, livable, memorable. At least I will have something to say and look back later in life. No, it's not all colorful at all... it has some dark patches that I wish I can just erase but I truly believe God has planned it that way.
