Oh scoliosis!

I can't believe it was 5 weeks ago since I last blog! A lot has been going on .. and I am still maidless. Of course, life must still go on. I am adjusting (and accepting) life as it is. Even though I wish my health is better so that I can do better. 

I have a physical condition called "scoliosis", where my back bone is somewhat curved. It's inborn. It's genetically inherited. It was not so obvious when I was small but it's rather obvious now that I have aged. I can't do and lift heavy things and gets tired easily. The only way to correct it is via surgery but must done at an early age like in the teens while the bones are are still 'soft'. Two of my nieces (the twins) had their surgery last year and this year respectively at the age of 18 and 19. When I was that age, my mom already inquired about this surgery unfortunately the technology has yet to reach Malaysia then. When I was in the States, I went to see a chiropractor who confirmed my condition. But all he was interested in was to sell their products to ease my discomfort. So I left it as it is. Since it's not such a bother then.

Now however I can really feel it and sometimes look like Hunchback of Notre Dame. Because of this also I often get muscle spasm on my lower back. I've had this many times for the past few years and every time I got it I will not be able to walk properly for a few days. Usually I'll just get some muscle relaxant pills and some rest. Things will get back to normal within a week. I got one a few weeks ago .. and boy.. imagine the chaos in my household. No cooking, laundry and cleaning for a few days. Hubby had to take leave to transport the kids to school. Luckily it was only for a few days. It had to be!

Whatever it is, I am still thankful it is only physical. It is nothing major that I should to be too worried about. I only have to be careful!

I like!

I haven't done this for ages. I thought this blog needs an uplift.. so this is what I've come up with. Took me a few hours to do this.. amateur! Oh well.. I like what I see so far. Will definitely work on it more tomorrow.

We are moving - Part 1

Do people need a reason to buy a new house (well.. other than just to own one)? Maybe! Depending on your lifestyle perhaps. We bought another house early this year. There's nothing wrong with our house now except that maybe we need a bigger house now that the 4 brats are growing. Or maybe because the area that we are living now is not getting any better in terms of infrastructure, and maybe because the vacant land in front of my house now is becoming a dumpster despite the numerous complaints I made to the local council. Or perhaps simply because we want to live nearer to my family (err this one is not necessarily true because all my life I choose to live away from my family.. haha!) Or maybe simply because we want a new house... NOT.. only the rich simply buy a house.

The truth is it's the combination of a lot of things above except being rich. We are far from it. Let's just say we are sacrificing our savings for the better living environment for the kids. We will be moving to -what seemed to be- a better neighborhood with a well planned infrastructure and facilities within the vicinity. What I hope the most, other than the facilities, I will get good neighbors just as I have in my current neighborhood. The house is not any bigger than the current house just slighhhtttly bigger.

It will not be easy to start all over again after 7 years staying in my current house but I will have to adjust. I have to adapt to new neighbors, new graoceries store and market, new route and new steps. The two elder boys are already adjusting themselves to a new school which they have already been transferred to since September. Eussuv is doing well and enjoying the new school. Irsyad seems to take longer time to adjust both in making friends and studies. He did not do well in his finals as he usually did in his old school. We had a few "talk sessions" just to help him adapt.

I pray for a smooth transition for everything and everybody. We plan to celebrate the Eid Adha in the new house. It's two weeks away and goshhh... there's so much more to pack!

Mom's bad time management

I have been very busy with kids, family and my own project for the past week. One week passed by in a blink. Blame it on my bad time management. I guess if I plan my time properly, perhaps it won't be so bad.

Oh well...

Now that the school hols is here, it's even worse.. My routines have gone haywired. I have things planned until next Monday. After that I hope the kids will stay low and do some studying for their agama school exams right after the break.

I wonder how I did it when I was working. I seem to accomplish a lot more. Now that I have all the time at home, time seems to be never enough. I have tons of things to do and so little time. Time management! Perhaps I should go through my (dusty) Anthony Robbins guide to prioritize!

Another entry without any meaning.. it is bad!

Focus.. ACT!

It's a matter of getting up and do it. I've been doing a lot of reading on how to's on some areas in my attempt to "work from home". But never get around to actually do it. I have all the instructions, I have the tools, I have the means.. but why is it so hard for me to actually do it? Perhaps I lack the will? I have thousands of excuses too! I also thought of so many things that I want to do and I could do. At the end of the day none accomplished. How dissapointing! It's like watching days and months go by.. without any results.

Yesterday I read an article on Money Tree which tells you money does grow on trees! With the right strategies of course.. hence the Money Tree. Last week I read an article on How to Make Money on the Internet.. it really works, but the most important thing is FOCUS. You have to focus on what you want to do.. not do everything. Doinkkkk... one big hit on my head. That's it.. another thing that I'm lacking.. focus.. that's why I end up doing nothing. I want to do so many things.. I end up doing a little bit here and there - nothing accomplished.

Oh well perhaps there are "some" things accomplished. I managed all data gathering and preparation of tools and content.. but still.. there's no real determination in getting it done. Perhaps I need to get desperate. But I am kinda desperate right now. I'm desperate to get excited to see the results, desperate to fill my time with something "intellectually challenging" .. other than "parental challenge". And most of all desperate to see some RM pouring into my bank account out of my efforts.

I guess this is the real dilemma of me being a SAHM. I lack the focus, motivation and determination.. despite the desperation that I'm feeling. I hope I will not head to failure.. They say you have to fail first, it's a BIG step towards success. I truly agree.. hey but I am so afraid of failure. I have never really failed.. not really so successful either.. but I get through. I got through school, I got through college, I got through 15 years of working life. That's all there is, I got through. It's pathetic. No real success.

The only success so far that I see is raising my kids which is even then I am not sure of the real result until they grow up and live their lives "successfully". And this .. I swear.. I will not just go through it. I am working hard for it because I can feel the pain of raising them. I have my all my emotions surfacing while taking care of them. So I pray hard ... I will tread through this one.. and I will be successful.

I'm straying away from what I was gonna write.. being focused. Now that I've lashed out everything here.. perhaps today onwards, I will take action and hope for the best results rather than wonder how it would turn out. All the best to me!

Emotional turmoil

Am I having a mid-life crisis? But I'm too young for it still. I'm having this chaotic feelings .. at one time I'm OK, the next minute depressed. A sudden need for a good mushy movie then hoping for a good thriller the next! Duhh.. I have changed my preferences for movies and books for a few times for the last few months. Perhaps this is due to the change of routine in my life? Perhaps. Or in pursuit of finding the real me, what I can do, what I'm good at, my weaknesses, my likes and dislikes.

Or perhaps the loneliness that's eating me slowly having to face just the kids without any other adult around to talk to (other than my maid!). But thanks to the technology - the internet - I am able to take this off my chest

Oh well.. this too .. will pass I hope!

Oh please help..

My hands are so itchy to tap the keyboard, my head is brimming with things to write, and my heart is screaming that I need to let go! It's like an suppressed thing in your body wanting to go out and yet it just stayed there. Heheh! It's just an entry in a blog.. what the heck. I just want to write... let go of what's in my head and my heart but I have neither the time nor the resources to do it.

I'm loaded with office work that I can no longer write an entry during breaks. Eheh.. I know I'm not supposed to write an entry during office hours! And at home it's another story altogether. I'm fighting to use the computer with Irsyad who now spends his holidays playing on-line games with his friends!! I can't believe it.. ! He now knows how to chat using YM. He's in front of the PC the minute he got home from his agama school in the morning. The PC will be on until bedtime. The rest of his siblings can only stand AROUND him watching him play. And this is only coming to the SECOND week of the school holidays! Eussuv and Syasya were also not happy at all with because they couldn't get their hands on the computer without Irsyad screaming NO at them.. and they couldn't get Irsyad to play with them on whatever off-line games (like skipping, cards, or simply their usual "siblings" concert that they sometimes have!). And Mommy also.. at the same time, is having a rather "mild heart attack" looking at this situation. But thanks to Daddy, starting this week, they will have a roster of who can use the computer at what time. BUT.. Mommy's name is not included in the roster! Wuahhhhahah..

I need my router back!!! Gone were the days that I can sit quietly tapping away my laptop while the kids asleep. I lost the router to the lightning and it never regained conciousness nor did I make any inititative to replace it.. perhaps this is the time..

And this is one entry of no substance... just purely heart pouring..

Merdeka Kids

This is rather a belated entry but I insist to write about it.

The Merdeka Day, recently celebrated by the nation is one of the few events my kids enjoyed. This is what it meant for them:

1. Raising flags.. everywhere they like, in the bedroom, on top of the car, on our gate.. or even have one small flag outside their bags. This year they begged me to buy them one small flag each and one big one for the house. Yup I complied. They waived the small flag alright.. but the big one.. they wrap around their body and do the lion dance!!

2. Sing patriotic song and march in the living room. This will go on for at least 2 weeks, before and after the actual day. Oh yeah.. they love those songs, and they would sing them on top of their voices. This year they learn one new nice song.. Perpaduan Teras Kejayaan.

3. Watch Merdeka Parade and Fireworks.... on TV. I will never bring them to the real one due to the big and "rowdy" crowd. They love to watch the parade as they get to learn about all sorts of accupations according to the uniform, different types of policemen, firemen, soldiers ... and different types of cars they use. They really can learn something from this parade.. of course providing that Mummy watching with them and answer every question they ask.

4. Watch all those patriotic movies screened on TV. They especially love those with the Japanese soldiers. Again I have to explain a lot of things the Japanese did!!

This year they also get to learn about all the Malaysian states from a newspaper pull-out which has details of each state, the flag, the state song, the main town, etc..and so on.

Though I am no history buff able to tell the real history to them.. at least I do try my best telling them about this country, here and there. The most important thing is, it's an educational thingy. And perhaps inject some patriotism in them.. to be loyal to the country. I hope I feed them the right facts though!!!!

Passion (an entry with no passion)

Blogging could be a passion. If it's a passion, you don't even have to try hard to think of what to write. Some write beautifully and you just want to read on and on. Some thinks they write real good stuff and keep on writing (even though the truth is, what they write is crap!), and some just write because they just want to write. Just like me.

Ever since I declare that I love to write and start writing, I feel like, hey I can't write at all!! I keep comparing my writing with other people. And I think I'm one of those who write craps!! And not even good at it. Well maybe not so crap, just boring stuff.

Where has all the passion gone? Perhaps I need some boost... boost of writing, boost of morale, boost of ego.. and all sorts ...

Oh well... WHO CARES anyways!!

ps: I must be in one of those moods.. I'm starting to write real crap!