Wednesday, February 25, 2009

Fashion statement

People say kids always give the most honest opionion and they don't lie. Having 4 chatterbox in my household definitely help a lot to get some insights of things. Well not everything, depending on the situation.
Not sure if it's because of they have grown up, or they are observant or they love to see nice things, but I often get commented upon with my dressings or the way I look from the kids. It ranges from - mom you look nice - that blouse/ tudung does not match - you look kinda big - the jeans is too tight on you - you should wear that (blouse, etc) more often - to all sorts of fashion advice. This is especially more abvious now that I am at home. One is because they see me most of the time and also because they are the only ones I have for opinions.
Last weekend we went to an event at the boys' school. Upon their request, I donned my baju kurung with matching tudung, and a handbag with matching shoes. No kidding, I seek their "approval" first of the entire outfit and get an OK. So after the event, I asked them.. "so you are happy I went to your school with Baju Kurung?" And I supposed everything was OK. And this is Irsyad's reply:
'Everything OK except for your make-up.' HUH? What make-up?
'I think you overdo it' WHATTTT? What do you mean. Too much make-up? I only had a very subtle lipstick, powder, a bit of eye-liner. My normal stuff.
'I think you should wear less make-up, like so and so (mentioning my sister and my niece)'.. Oh dear!! This so and so are also having very brief thing on their faces. I thought I do look like them as well. We sat down for about 15 mins just discussing this. I think what he wanted is for me to look the same as everybody else. But I do blend in with everything else. But I did say thank you at the end and told him that I'm gonna ask his opinion again in our next outing.. I value his opinion.
They may not have the sense of fashion yet, but I find their opinion very important, as important as the opinions of fashion consultant! So I shall heed to their advice. I'm sure they want to be proud having a "fashionable- not out of place" mom!

Friday, February 20, 2009

Emotional turmoil

Am I having a mid-life crisis? But I'm too young for it still. I'm having this chaotic feelings .. at one time I'm OK, the next minute depressed. A sudden need for a good mushy movie then hoping for a good thriller the next! Duhh.. I have changed my preferences for movies and books for a few times for the last few months. Perhaps this is due to the change of routine in my life? Perhaps. Or in pursuit of finding the real me, what I can do, what I'm good at, my weaknesses, my likes and dislikes.

Or perhaps the loneliness that's eating me slowly having to face just the kids without any other adult around to talk to (other than my maid!). But thanks to the technology - the internet - I am able to take this off my chest

Oh well.. this too .. will pass I hope!

Tuesday, February 17, 2009

The little things..

One of the things that I enjoyed the most staying at home is the little littlest conversation I have with the kids at any time of the day. This may range from their endless complaints about anything, or their joy of doing or getting something, or their thoughts about things, or even their dreams. Here are some of the things that I have "collected" :

1- I want to be a custom officer instead of fireman when I grow up (huh??)... why? Because I get to open people's car boot when they pass me by - from Eussuv after we got back from our trip to Singapore some time last year.
2- I want to buy a house in Laman Granview when I grow up (a place nearby our house where it's an exclusive area of on top of the hills - bungalows with swimming pool. We went to see the show house some time last year.. just out of curiosity) - Eussuv
3- I want to change school because the teacher won't let me take part in the sports day - Eussuv again
4- I don't ever want to get married. I just want to stay here with Mummy. - Syasya
5- I think I'll skip dinner tonite. Look at my tummy... it's bulging! - Irsyad
6- Mom, why don't you wear baju kurung when you come to my school instead of pants. My teacher said you look very pretty in baju kurung! - Eussuv
7. Saaayyaaaam Mummy (supposedly "sayang" - he still couldn't say it right!) - Omar when I scolded him..

And the list goes on and on..

Aaahhh.. the joy of motherhood!

Thursday, February 12, 2009

Birth order personalities

I was gonna write about a second child syndrome inofrmation because of my misery handling my second child. But when I googled it, I found a number of interesting articles not just about second child but about the whole birth order personalities which really amazed me.

My second one, Eussuv is the most complex one among all 4. He's the different one not just in looks and physical appearence but personalities as well. He can be very charming, helpful and fun at one time and switch to the opposite the very next minute. He can play on his own or be in his own world. He's artistic, and assemble B-Daman better than Abang. All the time he wants to be like Abang. He even said "I should have been born first!". He wants everything that Abang has. If we bought two similar things, he would say his doesn't work and insist on Abang's. He would complain about everything that does not come his way, including the school system! I think he tries hard to be the attention center while Abang has it all. It really drives me crazy. When I talk about this to other people, they say, second child syndrome! I have compared him to many other second child in my family and they kinda have similar traits though not entirely.

The followings are based on theory/ suggestions by Alfred Adler, a contemporary of Sigmund Freud, was one of the first psychologists :

Middle borns tend to be people pleasers who hate confrontation. They may take on the opposite personalities of their older, first born sibling. They are usually calm and eager to make everyone happy. Second borns are skilled at seeing both sides of a problem and this makes them good mediators and negotiators. Second borns, however, have a difficult time setting boundaries. They are eager to be liked, even to the point of doing things they don't feel comfortable with to keep their friends. They are less driven than first borns. They may become co-dependent as they try to please everyone. Second borns have difficulty making decisions that might offend others. They tend to blame themselves when others fail.

The middle or second born child often have a feeling of not belonging to the group. Being in the middle can make the second child feel insecure. They may lack the drive and motivation that is so prevalent in the first born. The second child may instead look to the first born for direction. This may also make the second born feel out of place because they aren't over achievers. Instead, the middle child usually just goes with the flow.

Second born children are often loners. They may have trouble latching on to a person in a relationship. They may also have trouble making decisions in school and in a career. Second or middle borns are usually artistic and creative, but don't work well under pressure. They have a history of starting projects and never finishing them. When choosing a career, most middle or second children would be best suited for something where they could freely express themselves, have flexible hours and frequently changing projects.

If you feel like your child may have middle or second child syndrome, the best way you can help them is by paying attention to them. Since they crave your notice, giving it to them may be the best solution to help solve any problems that come from middle child syndrome. Try to encourage them to use their talents and make their own decisions, without the influence of the oldest sibling.

Yup, exactlly what I'm trying to do now, paying more attention to him that it drives me nuts!! But I'm his mom.. I'm responsible to make his growing up a pleasant experience. Having the information as above perhaps will help me to develop him not as a loner, underachiever or worst, a rebel. I'm praying hard to give me the strength to do this.

Syasya is also considered middle-born being the third in the family but she's not as difficult. Perhaps she's the only girl thus she has the special attention that the middle born yearns for.

Here are the other personality traits mentioned which I think is rather true (coincidently?) if mapped to my children.

•Only children are the movers and shakers of the world. They are task oriented and tend to be extremely well organized. They are dependable and reliable. They are very comfortable being in a position of responsibility. Since only borns grew up alone, they often work well alone.
On the negative side of things, only borns are often unforgiving and demanding. They hate to admit when they are wrong and don't accept criticism well. Their feelings are easily hurt and they tend to struggle in conflict.

•First borns are the natural leaders. They often live with a sense of superiority. They can be aggressive and controlling, but usually in a positive, "mover and shaker" sense. First borns pay attention to detail, are punctual organized and competent.
On the other hand, first borns can be moody and lack sensitivity. They can be intimidating and push people too hard. They can be a bit of a "know it all" and are usually not good at delegating because they don't trust others as much as they trust themselves. They may be bossy and overly conscientious.

•Last borns are the fun loving, happy go lucky type of people. They have strong people skills and love to entertain and talk to others. They make friends fairly easily and make others feel comfortable around them. They are usually extroverts. They're not afraid to take risks.
On the other hand, youngest children tend to get bored quickly. They have a strong fear of rejection and a short attention span. When things stop being fun, youngest borns tend to want to find something else to do. They may be slightly self-centered and selfish. They have trouble finishing projects.

Well, take your pick. Let me know if this is true in your family too, especially on the second-born.. and relieve me from unnecessary stress!

Sunday, February 1, 2009

First month review

It's been slightly over a month since I last said goodbye to the working world and become SAHM - Stay At Home Mom. I've got friends who sometimes call or text me asking me how am I doing or what exactly I am doing now. Some thought that it's such a waste of talent (huh?) for me to quit, some thought that I'm holding the best position in the world, some even admired me for making such brave decision .. (err.. really? brave?)

Perhaps I should reflect my current situation just to make sure I AM doing the right decision and where I'm going after this. OK, let's roll..

What I've been doing so far:
- Concentrating on the kids like pay extra attention to their well-being, schooling, time management, language, etc, etc..
- Giving the kids lots more cuddles and kisses (this was rather limited before)
- Talk and listen to them more
- Thinking and thinking and researching of what can I do to generate some income rather than depending totally on my hubby - suddenly I have so many ideas but none tried yet
- Getting connected with old friends
- Trying to get rid of unnecessary stuff in my store room
- Baked cakes and bread, pudding and pie, and tried many new recipes. Trying to eliminate outside food altogether. Managed to bake brownies for my Chinese friends and neighbors instead of buying cookies for them like I normally did.
- Exercise daily - morning and evening

How am I doing/ feeling so far
- I feel great, not really ecstatic the whole time but simply great, cool and calm
- No regrets of quitting my job nor feeling like going back to work
- Gained "some" weight

What I have observed/think for the past one month
- 24 hours a day is simply not enough to do things... anything
- I have become more patient with the kids
- I think I'm getting old!
- I think a lot about things... about so many things that I've never thought before
- I'm a real good procastinator (if there's such word!)
- I'm an "underachiever" at work.. that's why I have to quit my job. Now I have to do something about it so that I don't quit my life as a SAHM!
- I have no desire to go back to work. That will be the last resort if we are financially tight. I will try other things first!
- I become very concious about my body (weight gain, exercise, hair!)
- I become very budget concious as well, trying to cut down on everything
- I am not bored at home.. in fact my time if filled every minute with things to attend to even though my maid is around
- I still think I'm not good enough a mother!
- My kids have become too clingy to me
- Eussuv's self confidence has improved with me at home. Being manja (without even realising it).. he needs me the most!
- Irsyad is worried that we will have no money for anything since I'm not working. Any trip to the shop is "membazir".. even grocery shopping!!!

What I will have to do next ..
- Be focused in whatever I want to do.
- Have a specific and clear goal of life for the rest of my life (oh sure I do have goals.. it's just that it keeps changing.. so I end up nowhere)
- Lebih rajin lagi melayan anak2! I took for granted the maid is around!
- Narrow down my thoughts only to the beneficial ones... like focus only on the necessary and within my capabilities.. I can't be doing everything simply because it looks simple and interesting enough
- Try to convince hubby to cut down the unnecessary luxuries .. this will be the hardest!

To me this first month is a lot of trials and errors on many things and testing my capabilities, my feelings ... it's like looking inside of me.. finding who I really am. It's rather scary really. Here I am, on the verge of the BIG four 0 suddenly finding so many bad things about myself and thinking, is there still time to change! But I will have to. My children are my life now. I will have to change for their future, they still have a long way to go.

So perhaps this first month review will not tell you anything yet. I shall reflect again next month.