What's a worthwhile holiday?

The two-weeks school holidays is almost over! How time flies these days. Even the boys noticed it was too fast. Then I reminded them it must be the many many things they did over the holidays that filled up the time real fast.

Before I go on relating the school holidays activities, here's something worth sharing which I heard on the radio on my way to the tuition center an hour ago. It's really ironic when I was babbling to the boys about how they should have spent more time doing some school work this holidays, the radio was telling me on what the PARENTS should do with their kids during the holidays. DOINKKK.. one for me! So this is what the guest in the programme said (it's from one no-nonsense radio station with an expert speaking)..

" ..the school holidays is the time when the parents should get closer to the kids, understand them and develop/ strengthen their aqidah. Among other things that parents should do are:

1) Bring the kids to any majlis ilmu - so that time spent is worthwhile and beneficial

2) Strengthen their relationships (siratulrahim) with family and friends - so that they have sense of belonging and feel loved

3) Get them in touch with the nature - to get to know The Creator, to know His power and Greatness, and to appreciate and love the nature.

All these are part of what the westerners call practical parenting. This has been stressed over and over again in a parenting book (somehow added some islamic values by the speaker).. "

It was only a 3-minute talk.. and I was speechless (by then I had stopped babbling to the boys and I noticed they grew quiet as well as though they were listening). Then I start recounting the past week event whether I had actually done all 3 above. And really.. I was doing OK, not that bad. I did not get to do No.1.. I actually did number 2 and 3. The sad thing, instead of bringing them to majlis ilmu, they watched movies with their cousins and stroll in the shopping mall with me. Oh well.. perhaps that could be counted as getting in touch with the nature eh?

Here's the real part on getting in touch with the nature:
-- at a famous beach in the east coast ...

And here's bonding with family..
-- with favorite cousin in our kampung...

So I guess.. this is one worthwhile holidays.. will try to fulfill all 3 next time. InsyaAllah.

Tween

Ever heard of this word? I first heard it a few years ago but never bother about it until I'm faced with one now.

A quick check on the wikipedia gave me this:
Tween is an American neologism and marketing term for preteen. A blend of between and teen, "tween" in this context is generally considered to cover the age range from eight to twelve years.

As you should guess.. yeap, I have two of these. One is just becoming one, and the other is very much one. As days go by, as I find it more difficult to handle these two, I realised that they are no longer babies and they shouldn't be treated like one. I suddenly remembered the TWEEN term and start googling it. It's a gradual development that you don't even noticed since you are with them all the time.

The good thing of a tween is that you can reason with them easier as they have better understanding of things as compared to little children, you can have serious talk with them, they learn to compromise and the best is you can begin to see the results of the early upbringing on them (well if you did it right in the first place). You can even roll your eyes together with him (in understanding) for the fuss the younger ones made.

The not so good thing is they are in the phase of discovering their identity hence they have some kind of mood swing which is very hard for us to decipher. You have to be gentle as not to hamper their development, at the same time you have to be strict as not to let him stray away from you. You have to watch what you are saying when they are around because they are definitely listening and trying to grasp whatever that you are saying even though it has nothing to do with them. This is also the phase where finding the right size or the right fashion for them is the hardest. They are too little for adult size or fashion but too old/big for kids fashion and size. I find this very frustrating. They want to blend in with the older kids (i.e.teenagers) but what's in the market for their age is still reflecting little children's age. The trend is now slowly changing now that some research has been done on the TWEEN market.

Google tween if you want to know more. You will find many interesting articles on it.

How time flies.. they are growing fast.. me getting old even faster!

Birth order personalities

I was gonna write about a second child syndrome inofrmation because of my misery handling my second child. But when I googled it, I found a number of interesting articles not just about second child but about the whole birth order personalities which really amazed me.

My second one, Eussuv is the most complex one among all 4. He's the different one not just in looks and physical appearence but personalities as well. He can be very charming, helpful and fun at one time and switch to the opposite the very next minute. He can play on his own or be in his own world. He's artistic, and assemble B-Daman better than Abang. All the time he wants to be like Abang. He even said "I should have been born first!". He wants everything that Abang has. If we bought two similar things, he would say his doesn't work and insist on Abang's. He would complain about everything that does not come his way, including the school system! I think he tries hard to be the attention center while Abang has it all. It really drives me crazy. When I talk about this to other people, they say, second child syndrome! I have compared him to many other second child in my family and they kinda have similar traits though not entirely.

The followings are based on theory/ suggestions by Alfred Adler, a contemporary of Sigmund Freud, was one of the first psychologists :

Middle borns tend to be people pleasers who hate confrontation. They may take on the opposite personalities of their older, first born sibling. They are usually calm and eager to make everyone happy. Second borns are skilled at seeing both sides of a problem and this makes them good mediators and negotiators. Second borns, however, have a difficult time setting boundaries. They are eager to be liked, even to the point of doing things they don't feel comfortable with to keep their friends. They are less driven than first borns. They may become co-dependent as they try to please everyone. Second borns have difficulty making decisions that might offend others. They tend to blame themselves when others fail.

The middle or second born child often have a feeling of not belonging to the group. Being in the middle can make the second child feel insecure. They may lack the drive and motivation that is so prevalent in the first born. The second child may instead look to the first born for direction. This may also make the second born feel out of place because they aren't over achievers. Instead, the middle child usually just goes with the flow.

Second born children are often loners. They may have trouble latching on to a person in a relationship. They may also have trouble making decisions in school and in a career. Second or middle borns are usually artistic and creative, but don't work well under pressure. They have a history of starting projects and never finishing them. When choosing a career, most middle or second children would be best suited for something where they could freely express themselves, have flexible hours and frequently changing projects.

If you feel like your child may have middle or second child syndrome, the best way you can help them is by paying attention to them. Since they crave your notice, giving it to them may be the best solution to help solve any problems that come from middle child syndrome. Try to encourage them to use their talents and make their own decisions, without the influence of the oldest sibling.

Yup, exactlly what I'm trying to do now, paying more attention to him that it drives me nuts!! But I'm his mom.. I'm responsible to make his growing up a pleasant experience. Having the information as above perhaps will help me to develop him not as a loner, underachiever or worst, a rebel. I'm praying hard to give me the strength to do this.

Syasya is also considered middle-born being the third in the family but she's not as difficult. Perhaps she's the only girl thus she has the special attention that the middle born yearns for.

Here are the other personality traits mentioned which I think is rather true (coincidently?) if mapped to my children.

•Only children are the movers and shakers of the world. They are task oriented and tend to be extremely well organized. They are dependable and reliable. They are very comfortable being in a position of responsibility. Since only borns grew up alone, they often work well alone.
On the negative side of things, only borns are often unforgiving and demanding. They hate to admit when they are wrong and don't accept criticism well. Their feelings are easily hurt and they tend to struggle in conflict.

•First borns are the natural leaders. They often live with a sense of superiority. They can be aggressive and controlling, but usually in a positive, "mover and shaker" sense. First borns pay attention to detail, are punctual organized and competent.
On the other hand, first borns can be moody and lack sensitivity. They can be intimidating and push people too hard. They can be a bit of a "know it all" and are usually not good at delegating because they don't trust others as much as they trust themselves. They may be bossy and overly conscientious.

•Last borns are the fun loving, happy go lucky type of people. They have strong people skills and love to entertain and talk to others. They make friends fairly easily and make others feel comfortable around them. They are usually extroverts. They're not afraid to take risks.
On the other hand, youngest children tend to get bored quickly. They have a strong fear of rejection and a short attention span. When things stop being fun, youngest borns tend to want to find something else to do. They may be slightly self-centered and selfish. They have trouble finishing projects.

Well, take your pick. Let me know if this is true in your family too, especially on the second-born.. and relieve me from unnecessary stress!

Potty training woes

Potty training is one of the major child development phase that parents MUST go through. Some has it easy and some had really tough time getting over it. Since I have 4 kids, I have to go through it 4 times! And believe it, it's not easy and it's not the same for every child. First you have to make sure that your child is ready. You can tell this when he/ she can tell you about it, or asks you to change a wet diaper, and tells you when he/ she poops. Mostly this occurs between the age of 2-3 years old. The earlier the easier for you and the child.

The training will take just a few days before they get the hang of it. For daytime that is. For nighttime and naps, it'll take a while.

There are many many tips and guidelines which we can get online on this topic. I somehow found that the most efffective way how I train my kids are not in the list. Ha ha! OK.. so here are some "listed" effective ways to potty train:
1) Give reward for every successful "attempt" like candies, or favorite toy
2) Make a toilet game (???)
3) Hit a target (especially for boys) in the toilet bowl which could be anything that the child likes, including food (I find this ridiculous as you're asking the child to urinate on food!!!)
4) Be a role model.. explain to them that Mummy and Daddy do it the toilet. One of tips mention father and son doing it together in the toilet... errr this also I don't agree!
5) Go around naked for a few days so that they can feel it when it's coming.. hmmm??

And this is what I do for my kids.. well at least three of them. Another one waiting to go. I will make sure they are potty trained by the age of 3. But like I said earlier, the night time is more difficult and later.

1) Make sure that they are ready. This you can easily tell.
2) Pre-train them by making them go in the toilet for every diaper change and before every bath.
3) On the day of the actual training, make them go every half hour. This is to ensure less accidents. They will not do it every trip but just to make sure they try. During the training day, surely you will have accidents! So be prepared, roll up all your carpets!
4) Praise them with "good boy/ gal or clever gal/ boy" for every successful attempt. Or I told them now they have grown up .. this made them proud! But never penalise them for accidents. They usually understand how messy it is!
5) For night time training, they have to go before they go to bed, and I made sure I bring them to the toilet at least 1 hour after they fall asleep. This always work especially if they have milk or water just before they sleep.
6) I also observed that if the room temperature is too low, they will have to go more than once. I guess this is only normal as we adults face the same thing. Thus, I made sure their rooms are not so cold.

I've had good records with my kids using the above method for both day and nighttime. Except that the night time is rather challenging where you have to scarifice your sleep in the beginning. It also really depending on the child himself whether he's a light sleeper or not.

It's good to know all the tips and guidelines, but the bottomline is how you train your own kids. You know them better and what works in your household. Well, it's time to wake Syasya for the first hour of her sleep before I missed it. I'm still training her for the nighttime! Wish me luck for Omar's turn sometime next month!

Of language and communications

I went to the boys's school this morning to buy their workbook and exercise books. In Year 5 list of books for Irsyad, there's this optional revision set of books that you can buy. I was interested to buy at first until I see the contents. The Science and Math books which are in English have translation after every para and every question! I checked every page to be sure. Of course, I decided not to purchase the set. How are they going to learn in English if they have translation all the way? It will only confuse them.

While the English/Malay medium for Math and Science debate is still hot in the air, and even long before that, I have taken my stand. I'm for the English medium. I believe kids should be exposed to another language other than their mother tounge. It's essential since we live an a multicultural society and it would be a preparation for them to go global. There's nothing wrong learning. It does not make you less Malay/ Chinese/ Indian if you learn another language. And it doesn't mean that you are abondoning your mother tongue! It is best to teach a language at an early learning stage while their grasp of the language is still at a basic level. So their ability to absorb is better.

So I strongly believe teaching Math and Science in English one great way for them to learn the English language. Not necessarily to master it. After all, once they got to colege, most of the resources will be in English, even in local colleges. And most of the materials they search on the net will be in English. It will make a vast different once they got out of school.

Some narrow minded people think that learning/ mastering English makes you another person altogether, straying you away from your own people. What piece of crap! And there's also another group who thinks so highly of themselves just because they can only speak English and stuttered in their own mother tongue. And these I would call morons!

There's also another point that we should look into while talking about language. Instead of emphasizing just the language, what they should look into is communication itself. They should introduce communications subject to teach kids how to communicate, not just speak or being spoken to. They should be taught public speaking to boost their confidence, to be brave enough to speak up and thus to be able to interact to other people.

There're a lot of things that we have to do to improve the language and communication skills of our kids. In school, there should be a better curriculum than it has now, to emphasize more on the development of the chidlren in all aspects.. not just passing the academic subject! At home, parents have to be more involved with their children, communicate with them not simply instruct them.