Friday, August 31, 2012

Oh what a hectic month!

It's just crazy.. so crazy. I've been so busy that I feel that time passes by like a breeze.. a strong one. There was fasting month, then now the Eid. I don't even feel I'm enjoying it because it passed by too fast. I wish I could stop the time for a while or make it pass slowly so that I savour every moment. But who am I to do that??

Fasting month was a busy one with me chasing my clients for their investment. Then there's Eussuv's trial exams one after another. He had 3 trials altogether for the whole month of Ramadhan. How ridiculous is that? He has less than two weeks left before the BIG day. Oh and I'm getting butterflies in my stomach everytime I think about it! But I don't we share the same feelings as he seemed to have to time of his life this Eid. He updates his FB status, he tweets, and he plays games, and of course he tagged along with us for any visits to relatives' or friends' houses. As though he had finished all the exams in the world! What I can do now is just pray hard that he'll make it wit flying colors.. 

And there's the Hari Raya (Eid)... we celebrated it in my kampung this year.  It was a simple one really bit it was great. I always like it if we were to celebrate it in my kampung, no because it was MY kampung but because I get to feel and the kids too, what the real raya is all about. It's kinda different if you celebrate it in a kampung. Really! After we came home, we had friends and relatives came over to our house without any so called "open house". I believe and I strongly believe that anybody should come without any specific invitation. It is RAYA after all. What is so great is that this year we received a continuous stream of people nonstop! Alhamdulillah that's what you call ..rezeki. 

Now, still in the mood of the Eid, we in turn are visiting the relatives and friends. But at the same time, I'm waiting anxiously for Eussuv's exams. I hope things will go out well for him.
I wish I had written something more meaningful and significant .. more profound. But I couldn't. Oh well....

Wednesday, August 1, 2012

Quarter 3 review

It has been the most challenging year this year. It's already coming to August now without me realising it. I've actually achieved quite a few important milestone this year after going through some rough hurdles. It has yet to end, and it will not end as it is a life journey. A struggle to make ends meet. But a real effort ever perhaps. Sometimes people go through life without realising what life really is all about because they had life easy for them. With little effort they managed and afford many luxuries in life as such they do not realise the things that other people had to go through. I am thankful to God for giving me the opportunity to feel what it's like to be in a difficult situation, and also once in a very comfortable position. It really makes me see life in a different manner, another perspective of life that makes you more appreciative of life. Alhamdulillah.

Today I went through another hurdle. It passed by. I don't know if I'd make it but at least I went through it after months of effort preparing for it. I really hope I will reap the benefit soon. I can't really mention the details here now as it is not being materialised yet. But I am really glad that it's over. I can now concentrate on my other project.

In April this year I passed my first hurdle where I sat for a mandatory exam to be a certified financial consultant. Being in finance was always the last in my mind in my working days, not even near it because I believe finance is like French to me. But as they say, you are what you believe, and only you determine your circumstances. As such I took it up, learned, passed and I am now certified.

It has been a great "studying" months for the past few months. It has been great going to classes, meetings, trainings, meeting new people. And most importantly achieving targets. Yes, I never have to set any targets before but I do now. It really gives you great feelings when you achieve the target.. it's exhilarating. 

It's still too early to tell if I will succeed in my efforts or not. But I do know at least I'm making some efforts. It's just that it's not enough effort as yet. I pray hard so that God will grant me the strength, the will and the openings for me to succeed in this. InsyaAllah.

Monday, July 2, 2012

If you think..

Let's play a game of if you think... you should do this when you are having a hard time dealing in anything, anyone. Perhaps it can help you to rationalise, get back on track and perhaps take the next action.

If you think life is hard, think of the Somalians who has no food to eat, no shoes to wear and no medicine when you are sick.. Or just think of those here in our homeland, those who are so poor that they had to live in a shack.. those who are running away from the "ah longs" .. or those who are homeless and live on the streets or under the bridge, with their kids! Thank God for giving us a comfortable home, and food on the table.

If you worry about  being sick, think about those with chronic illness such as the big C. If you wish you had married somebody else, think about it.. he could be worse than whom you are already married to. If you think you hate your house, your car, your clothes ... think of those who has none of these, no house, no car, torn clothes (or really outdated ones!!)..

There are so many thoughts that could enter your head and you could twist it around for positive thoughts (if it's negative). We complain so much about our lives that we forget other people around us may have it worse. Or even they look like they have everything, a perfect house, perfect partner, perfect "bank balance"... only God knows what's lurking around their seemingly perfect life. What's important is how you live your life that suits you. Take life one at a time. Take life's challenge as part of this beautiful life. Live to the fullest as though death is just around the corner. Appreciate what is blessed for you, appreciate your family and friends. Appreciate even the problems and challenges you face as they make you stronger. And pray hard, that there'll be lights at the end of the tunnel. Regardless!

This is a reminder, for me especially and the rest out there! May Allah bless us always. 

Monday, June 18, 2012

I feel like writing today...

I really feel like writing today but I somehow have not much to tell as life has not been in the light of the rainbow of late. I wish to go back to my life as it was before but it seems to be impossible.

Then again on the bright side I can talk about other things in life that goes on regardless of my not so "bright" days. 

I can talk about Irsyad who's doing very well in his boarding school. He's doing well in his studies as well as in his co-curriculum where he's a school debater (surprisingly... as he's not much of a "talker" at home!). He has been to a few national debate championship and won some rounds! He really surprised us. And I'm so proud of him.

And there's the playful Eussuv who has too much to talk about all the time. He's sitting for his UPSR this year and yet shows no signs of stress or whatsoever! His focus on studies is very much marred by his co-curricular activities like futsal, soccer, game or whatever you name it other than studying! He's also his school's head prefect. I pray hard that he scores all As in his exams because I want him to follow Irsyad's footsteps to the boarding school. Off you go kids!

Syasya my only princess, has finally bloomed into a 'real' girl thank God! She wanted to be a boy last year and thankfully has changed direction this year. She had Greyson Chance on her door, and One Direction for her phone wallpaper (MY phone actually! Sigh!) She's beginning to care for her dressing instead of football jersey! She wants to buy jeans and nice girl t-shirt.. and shoes! The only thing is that I'm too broke to buy it for her. So she has to make do with whatever girl stuff she already has in her wardrobe and wait until I can afford anything nice and chick for her. Poor gal!

And there's my growing up baby, Omar. He's such a baby at 6 years old and yet growing up fast. He can finally read and now trying to read every single word he sees. Thank God for that too as I was a bit worried about his academic development. He however has become one non-stop energetic "creature" who can only stay put when he's sleeping! Other that that he's always on the move, jumping, walking, running.. tirelessly! He's also very talkative and has a lot to say about everything. And much to his brothers' and sister's annoyance too, but at the same time he's so much fun to play with. Oh well ... he is the baby of the family anyway!

Despite whatever that I'm going through now, I thank God for these blessings ... the joy of seeing the kids grow in front of me, healthily and happily. I just hope the dark clouds will go away soon and I will see the rainbows again.

Friday, May 25, 2012

I'm a Seeker!

I recently took a personality test here. It was great. It felt great.. not necessarily true but I had fun going through it and had even more fun reading the results! I think everybody should take it for the fun of it and perhaps gives you some ideas of yourself. And here's my results. 

In Spirit
You're a Seeker. You have a bright spirit and warm energy. Chatty and friendly, you feel most relaxed when you're hanging out with your best friends.A sensitive soul with an expressive nature, you tend to be quite a romantic at heart. Sometimes you love nothing more than escaping into your very own dreamworld. Spontaneous new experiences can be really inspiring to you and you like exploring your creative side from time to time.Right now, life probably seems quite stressful. You feel like you never get any time for yourself.When it comes to improving things in your life, why would you say no to extra cash? It would be great to treat the family whenever you feel like it. The trick is to be disciplined about budgeting. If you stay on top of your finances, you'll feel a lot more secure and probably save a bit too.It's important to remember to tap into your inner strength and to believe in yourself. Take on new challenges and stay stimulated so you remain enthusiastic and inspired by life. As a Seeker, you get excited by new ideas. You like adventure and original experiences that stimulate and challenge your status quo. Stay inspired with a rich mix of activities, and find time for hobbies that allow you to explore your creative side. Learn to recognize when you need variety in your life, and then incorporate it into your daily plans.You really understand the importance of family. The relationships you have with your nearest and dearest are the most precious things in your life. Make sure you seize every opportunity for quality family time, as it's always such a source of inspiration and comfort for you.

In relationship
For you, love is really about support and companionship. It's a true partnership, friends and allies who know each other inside out.As a Warm Heart, you're very down-to-earth when it comes to love. It is often the simplest pleasures that bring the greatest joy. Your partner is probably one of your best friends in the world, and you believe in creating a home for your kids that feels very safe and secure. It's all about strong foundations based on trust and understanding. You are a deeply loyal person, and you expect the same from your partner. A true relationship is about committing to share your life and leaning on each other in good times and bad.

Relationship tips:

So you're a Warm Heart but what tips can we give for staying connected with your best friend and lover?
  1. Keep the magic alive. Light hundreds of candles and spend a magical evening in your own beautiful candlelit cocoon...
  2. Curl up on the couch with the Sunday papers and coffee. Nothing beats being able to spend your free time with your best friend and lover. You love it when you feel so close that you're like two peas in a pod.
  3. Do something different. Rent roller skates and wobble around the park hanging on to one another for balance!
  4. Be yourself. Remember that your partner loves you for who you are, so don't ever feel the need to put up an act.
Where money is concerned
You're an adventurer at heart, and love to see new places when you get the chance. Expanding your horizons can really help to put things into perspective.You have a very healthy approach to life. You know that true happiness doesn't come from material things or possessions. It goes much deeper than that and is all about valuing those things you can't put a price on. You like to care for those around you, and if they're happy, you're happy. You appreciate that both highs and lows make up the balance of life and you always try and stay spiritually  strong and focused.

 In health
You're on the right track with your health. You love feeling rejuvenated after a good night's sleep.Unappealing as it may seem, it would be good to try to be a bit more active every day. You might be surprised at how much you'd actually enjoy regular exercise. It may sound hard to believe, but endorphins are better than chocolate if you just give them a chance! You may even find that you're in a better mood more often. Start off with something that isn't too intimidating, like climbing the stairs instead of taking the elevator. You might even consider signing up for a few personal training sessions in the gym so that you have a program that's tailored just for you. You may need to think about making a few changes what you eat too. Maybe you could try making homemade versions of your favorite restaurant meals to reduce the sodium and fat content and eat healthier without compromising too much on taste.

You like to strike a balance in life. Things might get crazy at times, but you still like to find the time to cook a nutritious meal. The simplest recipes tend to be the ones that work best for your full-on lifestyle, so you can often be found creating some sort of delicious stir fry or Eastern-inspired dish.

Home.. where my heart is..
Ever stopped to dream about your perfect life, even for a bit? Thought so! In fact, your grounded nature suggests your dream life isn't too far out of reach. You're not fantasizing about exotic villas or huge mansions - you'd probably be more comfortable in a beautiful house in the suburbs. A nice neighborhood and friendly neighbors would go a long way for you.

My entertainment
You're an outdoorsy person, happiest when you can get out into the fresh air and explore what the countryside has to offer. You can't beat a few quiet hours in the peace of nature to be alone with your thoughts. Perfect for feeling refreshed and rejuvenated!
THIS... is so true of me!!

Style... hmmm
Classic and classy just about sums you up! You're down-to-earth and practical with a laid-back approach to life. Whether you're just grabbing a coffee or off on exotic travels, you're always cool, calm and collected.

On travel
You're intuitive and find the beauty of nature visually inspiring. For you, getting away from it all means just that. Escaping into nature and heading off the beaten track is what you live for. It's the perfect way to unwind and recharge those batteries. And let's face it: Sitting out under the stars can be very romantic!

It's kinda amazing isn't it... makes me feel good all over! Lalalala....

Wednesday, April 25, 2012

Of the penniless and the system

I recently had to find out what the "little dot" was all about. And for this I've decided to use one of the country's best medical house .. err hospital. I've heard all the bad stories about the services, as well as success stories that soars the reputation of their expertise and facilities. As penniless as I am, I had to go the public side of the hospital to get the "free" treatment. Oh yes there is another side of the hospital which offer more or less the same treatment or facilities but you have to pay a hefty amount, just for slightly faster and so called more efficient services.

True enough for the penniless, you have to wait for hours to see a doctor (a trainee doctor mind you), in a small treatment room where two doctors share a small table treating their own patients back to back at the same time. So if you don't focus to your doctor, you can actually hear how the other doctor treats his/ her patient and the whole patient medical history. I was baffled for a while when my assigned male doctor wanted to perform "the procedure" on me. Oh no.. no.. I somehow requested (in disbelief!) for a lady doctor. Luckily there was a lady doctor in the room who I believed is their supervisor. So what she did was perform their routine and told the trainee doctor her findings behind the screen. And the trainee doctor recorded the necessary in the report. So what happened was, I had to go for another screening as they couldn't figure out the "little dot". I had to come another day for another screening. Fine.

The day came, I endured a 1.5 traffic crawl to the hospital with an empty stomach and a full bladder. Only to reach the hospital late and being told by the nurse that the doctor had filled in the wrong form to do a screening on me. A wrong form!! I had to go back to the doctor and asked him to fill in the right form. That's what I did, kind of rudely... I actually burst into his room (with a patient in of him) and demanded him to fill in a new correct form. He did and he apologized for what was obviously his mistake. Even that done I still had to come another day (perhaps endured another long traffic crawl, and long queue at the treatment room) as by the time he finished filling in the form, the time had passed (yeah, they have allotted specific time only for some specific treatment). 
This was a week ago. I'm supposed to go there again ... but I dread it thus postpone the appointment for the next three weeks. Perhaps by then I've recovered from the "ordeal".

My whole point is, should I am not as penniless as now, I would have gone to a private medical practitioner where I will save my time, my energy (my anger), not to mention be in a nice smelling place, smiling nurses, and a big comfy private treatment room. But I am so cannot afford the private treatment at this moment hence the ordeal which is nothing to many but a big hassle to me. And another point is, this is the sad whole truth the penniless had to face, the inefficient service, the long wait, the uncomfortable treatment room. I was lucky to encounter smiling faces but I've heard of many cases of rude staff as well. And I have yet to relate others' ordeal in chronic cases where all you need is pull some cables and wallaa... you get the best treatment at lower service rate or non at all. Yeap, the whole sad truth in this country (perhaps applicable in others too?). Oh what can I say now.. the penniless.. as you know it.. no money no talk. I hope there's nothing wrong with me and the little dot is just a dot. Otherwise I'll just wait by my deathbed or go thru the system that is definitely not "penniless" friendly..

Thursday, April 19, 2012

A whole new world

It feels like I'm entering a whole new world. A world totally different that I have ever imagined. A world of new people, new challenge, new events, new expectations. I'm loving it so far. And I pray that Allah makes it easy for me, despite the challenges.Thank you Allah for showing me the way. I hope this is the right path that I'm following. InsyaAllah.

I become super busy, physically and mentally. I gotta wear different hats at different times of the day. Amazing how it works, but it's progressing well so far. I hope I will have the strength to carry on and I hope this remains as it is for as long as I need it to be.

Sunday, April 8, 2012

Lessons of life - fwded

I received the scripts below in my inbox. I like it so much and I agree with it totally... as such I decided to capture it here. 

Written by a 90 year old

This is something we should all read at least once a week!!!!! Make sure you read to the end!!!!!!

Written by Regina Brett, 90 years old, of the Plain Dealer, Cleveland , Ohio .

"To celebrate growing older, I once wrote the 45 lessons life taught me. It is the most requested column I've ever written.

My odometer rolled over to 90 in August, so here is the column once more:

1. Life isn't fair, but it's still good.

2. When in doubt, just take the next small step.

3. Life is too short – enjoy it.

4. Your job won't take care of you when you are sick. Your friends and family will.

5.Don't buy stuff you don't need.

6. You don't have to win every argument. Stay true to yourself.

7. Cry with someone. It's more healing than crying alone.

8. It's OK to get angry with God. He can take it.

9. Save for things that matter.

10. When it comes to chocolate, resistance is futile.

11. Make peace with your past so it won't screw up the present.

12. It's OK to let your children see you cry.

13. Don't compare your life to others. You have no idea what their journey is all about.

14. If a relationship has to be a secret, you shouldn't be in it.

15. Everything can change in the blink of an eye but don't worry; God never blinks.

16. Take a deep breath. It calms the mind.

17. Get rid of anything that isn't useful. Clutter weighs you down in many ways.

18. Whatever doesn't kill you really does make you stronger.

19. It's never too late to be happy but it’s all up to you and no one else.

20. When it comes to going after what your love in life, don't take no for an answer.

21. Burn the candles, use the nice sheets, wear the fancy lingerie. Don't save it for a special occasion. Today is special.

22. Over prepare, then go with the flow.

23. Be eccentric now. Don't wait for old age to wear purple.

24. The most important sex organ is the brain.

25. No one is in charge of your happiness but you.

26. Frame every so-called disaster with these words 'In five years, will this matter?'

27. Always choose life.

28. Forgive but don’t forget.

29. What other people think of you is none of your business.

30. Time heals almost everything. Give time time.

31. However good or bad a situation is, it will change.

32. Don't take yourself so seriously. No one else does.

33. Believe in miracles.

34. God loves you because of who God is, not because of anything you did or didn't do.

35. Don't audit life. Show up and make the most of it now.

36. Growing old beats the alternative -- dying young.

37. Your children get only one childhood.

38. All that truly matters in the end is that you loved.

39. Get outside every day. Miracles are waiting everywhere.

40. If we all threw our problems in a pile and saw everyone else's, we'd grab ours back.

41. Envy is a waste of time. Accept what you already have not what you need.

42. The best is yet to come...

43. No matter how you feel, get up, dress up and show up.

44. Yield.

45. Life isn't tied with a bow, but it's still a gift."

Its estimated 93% won't forward this. If you are one of the 7% who will,
forward this with the title '7%'. 

I have forwarded this via email ... and now I'm keeping it here and sharing it with the rest of world.


Sunday, March 18, 2012

If I could write .....

I wish I could write ... there are just too many things that I want to write about. As life passed me by, there were just too many things to capture and I wish I had written the happenings in my life so that I remember everything. So that I can recall every happy moments in my life when I am down to cheer me up, every sad moment to remind me how to get up again and perhaps every painful moment to make me stronger.

If I could write, I would write about my happy childhood. My childhood that was full of kampung real adventure.. no real or expensive toys but merely from nature! I would want to relive my childhood where there were no worries, just fun lots and lots of love from my family.

If I could write, I would write about my teenage years when I was sent to a boarding school that I hated but stayed on anyway. I learned about friendship and being independent. The friendship that I keep until today.

If I could write, I would write about the most wonderful time in my life, when I went through what I thought was the 'real life'. I learned more about friendship, the value of it, the test of friendship and of course, about love. The real love, the puppy love, the broken hearts, the hatred as well as 'love on the rebound'... or whatever they call it. It was also the beginning of what's more coming ahead in life. The hardship of being independent, the loss and sorrow of losing the most important people in your life, the effects it led you to after that, and somehow how it has shaped you after that.

If I could write, I would write about the joy and sorrow of a marriage, of motherhood, and again of friendship at this stage of life which I found is so significant that I can go berserk without my friends. And at this point of life I would very much want to write the journey of life which has formed some sort of a pattern in one's life... One never knew what's in store for them, one never knew life would turn out to be that way for them regardless how careful they are planning for their lives, let alone those who never plan anything for their lives instead let nature takes its course. 

If I could write I want to write down all my wishes, then, now and ahead of time. I want to write down all the things that I wish I had and had not done. I want my children to read and I hope they will read, understand why life has to be like that, I want them to learn from it, I want them not to repeat the same mistakes I did. 

I want to write, not just about me, but also the lives of those around me which has greatly influenced my life, my life stories and has become apart of me.

If I only I could write.... where every moment spent is actually 'real'!

Thursday, February 23, 2012

The little dot

There's a little dot somewhere that needs my attention. At this point of life when there's too much going on in my head I don't have the time to think about the little dot. But this little dot could change my life. It already spoiled my whole day the minute I found it. Oh please little dot, please get lost.. get out of my system. Don't grow on me.. don't live on me... leave me. No I don't want you. I don't need you now, I don't need you ever. I'm sure you are nothing more than just a dot but what if you are not? What are you really? Why are you there to disturb my already chaotic life? Oh I hope it's just nothing. My dear little dot.. please go away, please be a mistake, please be a nothing!

Monday, February 20, 2012

When the going gets tough..

What happens to the not so tough? I am at the junction of life where I have to make a big U-turn to the decision that I've made before. One tough decision to save the day. Sometimes you just got to do what you have to do. I pray hard that things will go well for me. I pray that Allah will make it easy for me. InsyaAllah.

Saturday, January 21, 2012

Kids this age

We were watching TV and the ad on Courts Mammoth were aired. And this is what Eussuv said :

Eussuv : "Mom, my friend said Courts Mammoth is where orang kampung and orang tak kaya shops"
Mom: "Huh??" (in disbelief)
Eussuv: "Really mom. My friend said that!"
Mom: "How does he know?"
Eussuv: "I don't know. But I think so too."
Mom: "Why do you think so?"
Eussuv: "Because it's cheap. And my friend said rich people go shopping at IKEA.."

I further asked him what made his friend brought up the Courts Mammoth talk, and he said "oh we were just talking!" Earlier of the day as I was talking about handbags, Eussuv asked me if a Coach handbag is expensive. Again I asked him how does he know about Coach handbag (since I don't own one obviously!), he said his TEACHER has one. A teacher owns a Coach handbag..WOW! And he also asked if a GUESS handbag is also expensive. OH boy!

The moral of the story is, an 11 year old boy these days is already thinking about the value of things, know of judging people from where they shop, what they wear and so on. I was taken aback with all these as I always tell my kids not to judge people from what they wear, the car their fathers drive, the toys and gadgets they have. But I guess I really can't protect from talking from their friends and get influenced by them. What I can do is instill the good values in them and hope that it gets to them and stay within them. I have started and I will not stop. I hope they will turn out to be "good" individuals", not judgmental ones!


Thursday, January 12, 2012

Unleash and conquer your potentials

I had the chance to go to a seminar of the above title over the weekend. It was a half day seminar of which I only paid RM20, 60% off the usual rate (later I found out that some people had it for free!). This seminar is so called the talk of the town with the people who supposedly "looking for a change" in their lives and who is determined to change. Then again, as I already predicted, this is only a preview seminar... you have to pay quite a bomb to go the more advanced class which is supposedly change your life to be "wealthy and successful". The main person behind this seminar is once a failure who wanted to "share" his success formula with the rest of Malaysian so that "everybody in Malaysia" becomes wealthy and thus, successful.

It was a very interactive seminar where it started with an energetic 'chicken dance' where everybody had to go with it, jumping and clapping in a very packed room with more than 500 participants, no kidding! Every question must be answered with a very loud yes and or clap or positive phrases like 'wealthy and successful'. And questions popped every 5 mins or so. The speaker, the success guru I would call him, seemed to be worshiped by the whole room. He's like the God of success who determines our success in life, who will make us rich. And the room roared with "rich" energy as he went on and on talking about how successful he is with a few Porsche, a bungalow with a swimming pool, lepak session with the celebrities and yada yada.. He even made fun of many "not so successful" people who's leading a regular life with regular income as compared to him who's making.. err maybe "not so much" but about a few millions a month.. as he put it. Maybe it's his way to make people feel challenged so that you get up and change your life! I don't know.

The main point presented in the seminar was The Power of Success. He talked about 6 powers of success which are:
- Power of Gratitude 
- Power of Giving
- Power of Action
- Power of Dreams
- Power of Focus
- Power of Character

These are all relevant factors of achieving what you want in life. I did learn something from it and did make some thinking of where my life is leading and what action should I take. But did I run to the stage to register myself to the advanced class to get some discount for being the first 30 to register? NO. Did I send the registration form as he suggested, in case I decide to join later? NO. Did I actually think that he can make me wealthy and successful.NO. 

I will not make someone who thinks so highly of himself, as high as God as my mentor. I will not make someone my mentor who belittles those who drives a Proton just because he drives a Porsche. I will not make someone as a mentor when he is so sure that he can change someone's life with a money back guarantee. He IS NOT God! And I will not make someone a mentor when he equates being successful in life to the millions he has in the bank!

Good luck to those who paid a bomb to change your life, while you can change your life at no cost but with lots of determination. And you can really find a mentor who's still stepping on the earth not floating on the air!

PS: This is purely my holy own opinion. Others may think otherwise and totally agree and follow his teachings.

Thursday, January 5, 2012

Of hopes and prayers ..2012

I finally have my quiet moment on the 5th day of the year. I feel like I have so much to scribble here, to pour out my head content, at the same time trying to catch Oprah's Best Viewer's Surprises on telly. The kids are all in school and I have less half hour before I move on to my next chore, cooking! 

I am just amazed at how time flies. I am already in my 4th year of 'retirement'...It has been 3 full years, 3 blissful, challenging year. Challenging in trying to find out who I really am, challenging in trying to fit in the new life of not earning any $ myself and most challenging to be real fulltime mother (and I am still struggling!) But it's always a bliss not having to think about office, bosses, meetings and deadlines. Purely a bliss! Having said all this, I am not sure I will still have the haven this year. The financial challenge has taken a toll on me that I might give up my quiet moments soon. Still this is only a plan that's not being finalised. Perhaps. That's my hope and prayers for the year - I have to do something to fill in the gap in the financial area. When you are used to have something you don't know it's there, but when it's not there, you immediately feel it. You thought it's gonna pass, you pray that it will, but over time you know that things do not simply come falling from the sky, you just have to get up and do something to achieve what you desire. So that's one of my biggest hope and prayer for 2012, to be financially able again. I'm already planning.

For the kids, I have my hopes too. I pray and hope for Irsyad to be a better person. He is known to be one smile-less person and not easy to communicate with, especially with his friends. He needs to smile more, and be friendly and be an easy-going person. I already told him this and will follow up on his progress. For Eussuv, I need him to be more focused and confident that he can do it. He thinks that he's not smart enough to be able to follow Abang's footsteps in studies. I'm pretty sure he has the capability, he just need to be confident. For Aisyah, I hope she will grow up gracefully, be mom and dad's big girl, not a baby. Being the only girl, she tends to be a bit manja. The same goes to Omar as well. I know he's still a little boy, not even 6. But I hope he will not be as manja as he is now. And I need to prepare him for school this year. 

Above all this, I pray that everybody will be healthy this year, especially me and hubby. I am a bit worried where health is concerned because illness can just pop out anytime if we are not cautious of our lifestyle. 

I pray and hope, we will have a better year this year. Perhaps I should chart out some sort of planning for the year. Something that I never do before! This entry will be a starting point perhaps! (And I hope I can blog more too!)