Saturday, April 23, 2011

Of life and death

I went blog-hopping today. Something I haven't done for a long time. I hopped to onebreastbouncing, a very popular blog about a breast cancer survivor. Her blog is very inspiring. Sadly though, she passed away last year. Her last entry written when she was very sick. She talked about her pain and her struggle. It was rather heart-wrenching. The more heart-wrenching was when I blog-hopped to other blogs linked to hers which are mostly cancer patients like her, and most of them have passed away too, leaving just their blogs. One young man's blog, who just passed away end of last year, had his mom continued writing his blog intermittenly talking about his past life. 

Reading their blogs made me think how we have taken life for granted. While we worry about not having enough to have "things" like nice car, nice house, latest gadget - they worry about how to survive the next round of chemoteraphy, how to finance their medications, or how to deal with children they gonna leave behind. But one thing for sure they are strong and determined people. Their determination to live made them stronger and their belief in God getting stronger as their pain becomes most unbearable. To me they are the chosen people as they knew the coming of the end of their lives. It is a test by Allah to his chosen servant. As Allah will only give the kind of test to those who are able to carry it. As such I believe, it is not a punishment of sort but more of a test (dugaan).

Having said that, my family has been given yet another big test early last month. Of all the tests given to us, we felt that this is the biggest so far. My brother in law (BIL), who is almost a saint in everybody's eyes, has been diagnosed with blood cancer. Though it's still in its early stage, it is still the big C. It started with a growth in his throat. While it was painless, it started to grow rather big that you can see it when he opened his mouth. Only after it was removed that they found out that it was a type of blood cancer. The world seemed to stop for a moment when we got to know about it. We broke down but at the same time swear that we would do anything to fight it. On the other hand, my BIL himself, who looks as healthy as anybody else, was calmer and accepted it with redho. Yes, we all should redho as this is Allah's plan for him that nobody should question. As for my sister, life has never been the same. She used to be pampered by her hubby as such that she only do minimal work around the house, everything else like banking, bills, house and car maintenance all done by her hubby. Now she has to do everything herself. One look at them, one would think that it is her who is sick. As for me, I felt as though I've lost a sister! We used to talk about everything under the sun and I can always count on her in anything. Now she only talk about her hubby and ways and means to fight his illness, to stay on, to ease their burden. And I, try my very best to be the understanding sister, the shoulder she can cry on and the immediate help that she could use at any time. I become the nanny to her kids whenever they have to go to the hospital and fetch the kids to and fro school. 

I pray that my BIL will recover and one day we shall look back at this and smile and say, yes we survived the ordeal. But should he succumbed to it, I pray that we all are strong enough to face it. We have to be, for the sake of his small children and for my fragile sister. I sometimes think about situation like this, not that I want it to happen, but just thinking of what could be the worst thing that could happen to me in life. But I always think about it happening to me. I would never want it to happen to anybody else especially this sister. She is the most 'fragile' among all my sisters. Then again who are we to predict the path that one has to go through in this life. Allah surely has a plan for all of us, which at the end of it will benefit us in one way or another. There's a hikmah within everything that happens to us, only we realise it or not. We can only plan, He knows best. 

For those happens to read this entry, please pray that my BIL will recover and my sister will be strong to face this test. InsyaAllah.

Tuesday, April 19, 2011

It's not that easy!

Who says making money through the internet is easy? Who says? It's not and it sure takes a lot of time, patience and some creativity. While I still believe it can be done, I'm really crawling to get to the point of no return. I'm struggling perhaps due the technicalities of it, or perhaps because of a vague goal?

The truth is, it's the same with anything that we want to do and achieve in this life. You have to have a clear goal and a SMART (Specific, Measurable, Achievable, Realistic, Time) target. Errr... obviously I lack that (what a shame!). I have to wake up everyday with that specific goal in mind and plans for the day. What I do daily is mostly routine work which sometimes really slow me down to meet my ultimate goal. Though I'm so desperate to meet my goal, my actions are not desperate enough.

OK so what I should now is, just as my online mentor says, I need to promote promote promote. I need to leave my mombiz trail wherever I go on the net. I need to create the mom-lifestyle aura wherever I am in the net. Ohhhhohhh... help! Gimme the zest! I need a boost of energy and motivation, morale, and such! Go go go.. WAHM.