It's the year end again

November was such a busy month. First it was the last week of school where there were endless school activities to keep the kids busy. They had curriculum day, prize giving day, class parties, tournaments, trips, etc, etc. No doubt mom was as busy as the kids preparing them for the activities as well as transporting them to and fro. 24 hours was just not enough!

And now December is here. Another busy but controlled time. I said controlled because their activities depend very much on my permission and my availability. Now is already the third week of the holidays and it had been filled with so many things that I felt that I hardly had time to stop and smell the roses. There were trips to the malls, movies, friends' houses. One trip to the National Zoo which was not as interesting as the place was rather in a pathetic condition, not well maintained. Those poor caged animals! Then the boys went to see a football match, and perhaps that would be their highlight of the holidays for them even though Malaysia lost to the opponent! 

They have another four weeks to go. To me that is such a short period if not well spent. What worries me is that they spend most of their time online, networking or playing games. Other times the boys play futsal every day, morning and late afternoon which I don't mind at all as it's a way of exercising their body and minds (and so that they don't turn out to be a nerd or a geek!) I have to think fast before the time ends so that they focus on something else other than being online. During my time, when computers were unheard of, I spend most of my holidays outside the house playing with the nature. We build a tent from coconut leaves and branches, and had real food inside the tent. During the flood season, we had fun in the flood water in front of my house and try to catch some fish. We never had to evacuate as the flood water stopped just in front of my house and it never got worse. Comparing what I did and what they are doing now, I pity them. They cannot live without the technology, they appreciate the nature less, and they have limited space and time to play. 

Regardless, the holidays are here for them, and for me too in some ways. I like the fact that I don't have to send and fetch them to and fro school, I like the fact that there is no school uniform to wash and iron! Heavenly! 

I hope they'll make the most of what is left and I hope next year will be a better year. InsyaAllah.

Another day

How times fly! I thought I would be a bit relaxed after THE exam (UPSR) but I was so wrong. I was so damn busy! I didn't have t the time to write (nor the mood!). There were too many school activities, parties, games, trips. And not to mention final exams for other kids. My time was spent cooking and transporting kids here and there. The cooking part is somewhat ridiculous... parties are every week thus I have to do extra cooking.. pasta la, muffin la, cake la.. Then there's October birthday party for Eussuv and Syasya. Though only close friends were invited, it was still a party and I still had to cook. But being me, not so rajin one, I only had something simple for the kids and, catered something else for adults. It was a very small party but it was a great one.

Tomorrow is gonna be a big day .. UPSR results will be out. And the day after is PSRA results. I reminded Irsyad (and myself as well) over and over again that we have to accept whatever results that he gets. He has tried hard, we all have. And the rest is in His hands. Who are we to question Him. We will have to brace tomorrow with open hearts.
Right after the results, they will head off to Melaka for a school trip. Something they have planned for months and coincidentally  the results are out on the same day. Since bookings have been made, they decided to go ahead with it. I for one don't really agree with this because I need him to be around to "digest" whatever results he may get, with me. Not far away with some friends. It's bad enough that now that he spends too much time with friends "online"!

As for now, I shall keep myself busy for another class party this afternoon and worry about tomorrow .. tomorrow itself!

School snippets

Every school day I listen to endless school stories from the kids. It's interesting, funny, disgusting, scary, as well as "menggeramkan". And often, I want to write it out so that I can keep the stories alive. Then again I never get around to write as time does not permit me. Two snippets below however are still fresh in my mind and it's kinda hilarious and at the same time "woke me up"!

Snippet 1
A few weeks ago as we were having breakfast before kids went off to school and hubby to work, I commented something about dear hubby. Something about his appearance. He didn't quite like what I said so I had to counter it with something else so that it will not spoil his morning. Then we were interrupted by Irsyad who said this .. "Oh you know Mom, yesterday as I reached the school, my friend saw you and asked me, is that your grandma?"I can feel for a moment my world stopped, my jaw dropped to the floor and my body sinking into the ground! So what did you say, I asked. "Nope, it's my mom". The whole time the whole family was listening. And dear hubby, instead of saying something to soothe me as not to "spoil my day".. had to say this.. there I told you, you have to watch your appearence, bla bla bla. It really spoiled my day! I felt bad the whole day and thought real hard... gosh, I looked that old? Being a housewife has changed that much?? Oh dear!


Snippet 2
Just last week I had to attend the report card day for Eussuv and Syasya. Everything went well, nothing extraordinary. At home, just near bed time that nite, as I was feeling so exhausted after a long day of "work", Eussuv opened his mouth and told his story. Two gals in his class were chatting while waiting for their parents to come for their report cards. Parents were seated just outside the class while waiting for their turn. One of the gals said, ok let's see who's mom is prettier, yours or mine. The other gal agreed and they waited impatiently for their moms to turn up. Suddenly came this "grandma" flashing a smile and popping her head into the class to ensure she was in the right class. And the gals were amazed and said... my god, who's mom is that.. so so pretty (better expressed as .. mak sapa tu? lawa gilaaa!!)!! The other gal said, hmmm let me guess, must be Eussuv's mom! She turned around and asked Eussuv: Eussuv, is that your mom? Nonchalantly, Eussuv admitted the mom who is "lawa gilaaaa" is his mom! The gals then said, there you go, our moms "dah kalah". I was laughing really hard... I was no longer exhausted. It was like an antidote suddenly being injected into my body after the grandma episode!

Sometimes I can go crazy with the kids, but there are also the ones who will cure me. They actually taught me a lot about life around me and they are the ones who actually made me realise of who I am and what I really am. One thing for sure now, I no longer take my appearence lightly especially with the kids around!!

Cacat!

I've been called many names but not cacat (handicapped)! Being born different from a normal person - well just different in this part of the world - I always have to explain myself. For those who know me will know what I mean, for those who don't .. well.. I'm just a bit different on the outlook, in terms of eye color. It's something inherited, definitely not handicapped. Scientifcally, as research has concluded, eye color other than dark brown is definitely gene mutation - but just that, no other physical or mental problem, or any other related condition.So in other words, I am as normal as any other human being except that my eye color is different from other person of my race.

Having said that, I actually had and still have many many encounters, mostly funny ones, where people are curious about "what" I am. Some look at me as if I am an alien, some are bold enough to say not so nice things on my face thinking that I am fake, some even don't want to walk with me because they will be stared at too. Like it or not I have to kill their curiosity. Most of the time I would just say something simple (and nicely) to shut them off without having to tell the story of my life.

And now, two of my kids inherited my eyes. Even more different because they only inherited one side of the eyes. Meaning to say they have two different eye colors,dark brown and blue! This is nothing unusual in my family though. Irsyad did not have as much problems since the difference is not so glaring. Syasya on the other hand, has a rather gleaming blue eyes which is very obvious. Now that she just starts school, other kids and teachers have started to quiz her about her eyes. I have taught her what to say and she handles it pretty well. The only problem is that these few days some kids, being kids, calls her "cacat"! And some asked her if she's cacat! She came home asking me what cacat is. What I fear has come true. Thankfully she did not cry or afraid of people staring at her or asking her about it (unlike me who was so scared to go out of the house at one time!). Somehow rather, it made me sad to think of her being called cacat. Like I said, I've been called many things but not that.

It's still a long way to go for them. Irsyad is handling it pretty well, and did not attract too much attention. I guess it's easier for a boy in this situation. But I'm rather worried about Syasya, even though she's doing OK so far, I'm afraid she will feel inferior someday especially in her teens. I've been through it and I know what it's like. But that was then, kids these days are bolder and more daring. My parents never told me the history of our family and why we are like that. I just knew it was inherited. And they never told me how to handle "the situations". But now, being in this era, where curiosity can really kill you (not just the cat), I really have to tell my kids, and tell them what to say and what to do. I hope I will be around long enough for them so that they can lead a normal life without feeling any inferiority due to their differences.

No, please, my babies are not cacat... they are just different!!

October bash

It has been a busy month, yet interesting. We celebrated another two birthdays which marked the end of "birthdays" for the year. Oh, I had mine in September but it was nothing grand except a hushed surprised party (but I guessed anyway!) by my nieces and nephews. The two October babies, Eussuv and Syasya, on the other hand, had a very simple but great birthday get together at home. Syasya even had another one at school as it is the school monthly birthday party. Since she's the only October baby, it looked as though it was her party. As expected, I bake the cakes... so we can have as many cakes anyone wanted!I shall say no more as the pictures will tell all!

Eussuv is 9! Chocolate Banana cake. Notice the "sengetness" of the cake. Duhh... talk about being proud of baking your own cake! ha ha..

And Syasya is 6. Chocolate Moist cake. Again.. didn't know you must have a very soft hand to twirl the cream around the cake. Despite the sengetness, Syasya thought it was the most beautiful cake! Thank you dear..

Clapping away.. for the years to come..

With the guests... best cousins.

Celebration at school. Another well"crooked" cake. I will not zoom on it cos this one is worse due to some "technical" error on the cream (excuses excuses!). Yet she still thought it's another most beautiful cake in the world!

I like this one the best. Some cupcakes to go around the cake.

No matter how crooked the cakes were, I still felt good. Perhaps, it's a sign that I need to go for a real deco class. Hopefully, for next year's birthdays... and other ocassions.. I shall fare better.

Another one.. again

It's here again.. and it will be here again and again...

Exam week...

Oh how I dread it. I have to use up all my energy just to get the boys "to look" at their books. Sure.. they have piles of book in front of them .. at the same time the younger ones would lure them into whatever games that they were playing ...! Then I need more and more energy to stop the young ones to involve their brohers. Oh dear.. what chaos.

And this will go on till the end of their schooling... oh dear God gimme the strength, courage and patience!

Eh .. surely it can't be that bad...

Que sera sera

Que sera sera, whatever will be, will be.. the future's not ours to see.. Que sera sera.. what will be will be..

Nope not talking about my future.. this is THE future for me already. I was just thinking about the kids these days and what their future may be. Of course we couldn't predict their future but we can plan, guide and support them.

In Malaysia where we are very very much exam oriented, "A" oriented - exam oriented, it's kinda easy to "plan" for the future. You go to school, college, etc, you passed with flying colors.. and taaadaaa.. you have a bright future. Well I would say.. old school of thoughts. These days it's not quite as simple as that. Gone were the days, a piece of paper you called a "degree", is very much seeked for and valued. These days with almost half of the population (my very own estimate by looking at the number of colleges and universities mushrooming around) having at least graduated with a degree, it's hard to say your future is definitely bright! With the supply is definitely surpassed the demand, one must rely on their own initiative, creativity, and unceased efforts to be sure of a bright future. Then again, how do you define a bright future?

Last week when they announced the SPM results - it's like defining a new life to a child going into adulthood!, or like a death sentence to some who did not do well or did not meet their expectations or their parents'!! - I saw tears of joy, tears of dissapointment, as well as shrugs of shoulders. Parents are busy "deciding" or helping their children choose what's next in their lives. But some knew what they wanted - a working world... thinking of making so much money with a high school certificate - much to the dissapointment of their parents.

I have noticed a different trend in parents these days. Parents are more educated and well informed these days. They realised that this is not about them, it's not about what they want, it's about what the children want, what they can do, their strength and weaknesses. No point of asking your child to study accounting when the poor child hates Math or anything close to accounting. We should steer our children towards what they do best and what they like for them to sucess later in life and thus perhaps have a "bright" future. We should no longer be the parents in those days who thinks their children will only be successful if they are accountants, engineers, teacher, or doctors. No doubt all of these professions are well respected, secure and have meanings to it.. but is that what our children want? Besides, there are zillionth other professions in the market today that they can be successful at. Perhaps we can tap their strength at the early age and steer them to the right direction.

We can only plan the future, we can only hope and pray for it to be what we/ they want it to be. The rest will all be in His hands.

Teach you child some important basic info early

At what age do you think you should teach your child some basic important info about themselves? I would say as young as they are aware of their environemt, know how to use basic things at home especially the phone. These are to me "basic skills" that is important for them to know in case of emergency. And in this day and age, emergency is the last thing that we want.

Why am I rambling about this? Some time early this year, I went to pick up Eussuv from school but as I was late, he already went off with the van. As I was going out from the school, I saw a boy crying as though he was lost. Pitying him, as it was already 6:45pm and the school was almost empty, I stopped and asked him what's wrong. He said his father is supposed to pick him up but he's nowhere to be seen. He also said that his father is usually on-time. My heart went out for him instantly. I can understand his fear. So I asked him where he lives. It happened to be on my way home. Then I said why don't you call your dad using my phone and ask him, and perhaps if he's so late I can send you home .. (me playing the rescuer). And this is what he says.. I don't know his number! Huh? How about your mom's number or house number? Also don't know. Oh dear!! And this is a 9-year old boy. A 9-year old boy whom I believe can already read and count.. do not know his parents or house number!! I was really really shocked. I was actually shaking my head. How could they? Maybe I'm overreacting. But really, this is THE basic info that I was talking about. Since I don't want to be responsible to a child with no info, I handed him over to the school guard and teacher in charged. If he had known the number I would have sent him home and save him from all his misery.

Another similar incident was when Irsyad's friend wanted a ride from me because his mom will be late. I asked him to call his mom first to let her know. Again he didn't know his parents/home number. And this boy is 11. Lucky he knows where he lives! And lucky for him that I actually keep his mom's number by coincident! Mind you, this boy also does not know how to use money as he always brings food from home. He never buys anything at school. No, I was not being nosy but the reason I had to pick him up with my son was because they had to stay back after school for an activity and they had to have lunch at school. So this boy suggested that perhaps my son could treat him lunch. The whole week! Errr.. I don't think so! To me, at least at 11 years old, he should know how to buy things just for the sake of skills (not necessarily for shopping!)

I'm not trying to put down any parents but I believe there are some things that parents should teach their children for their own safety and well-being. When you raise your children, it includes all aspects of their lives, their physical and mental development, their well being, their safety, their environment, etc etc.. the list is endless! Little things like knowing parents phone numbers may seem trivial but it is of great importance. What if the child is lost? What if the child is kidnapped then later managed to get away? There are so many what ifs. And I believe these little things may help. It is part of basic survival skills.

So parents, please, do teach your kids to remember the important phone numbers. But also, teach them not to reveal numbers or address to strangers. Teach them to fear strangers. Teach them over and over again what's good and bad around them hoping that they will be safe in any situation.

The little things..

One of the things that I enjoyed the most staying at home is the little littlest conversation I have with the kids at any time of the day. This may range from their endless complaints about anything, or their joy of doing or getting something, or their thoughts about things, or even their dreams. Here are some of the things that I have "collected" :

1- I want to be a custom officer instead of fireman when I grow up (huh??)... why? Because I get to open people's car boot when they pass me by - from Eussuv after we got back from our trip to Singapore some time last year.
2- I want to buy a house in Laman Granview when I grow up (a place nearby our house where it's an exclusive area of on top of the hills - bungalows with swimming pool. We went to see the show house some time last year.. just out of curiosity) - Eussuv
3- I want to change school because the teacher won't let me take part in the sports day - Eussuv again
4- I don't ever want to get married. I just want to stay here with Mummy. - Syasya
5- I think I'll skip dinner tonite. Look at my tummy... it's bulging! - Irsyad
6- Mom, why don't you wear baju kurung when you come to my school instead of pants. My teacher said you look very pretty in baju kurung! - Eussuv
7. Saaayyaaaam Mummy (supposedly "sayang" - he still couldn't say it right!) - Omar when I scolded him..

And the list goes on and on..

Aaahhh.. the joy of motherhood!

Ear Infection

Ear infection is something common among children, and even sometimes adults. But not all children will get it. And I think some kids are more prone to it as compared to others. I will write this based on my own experience.. not as a doctor as I'm definitely not one.

The symptoms are just high fever and ear-ache. This is easier detected if your child can explain where the pain is. But for babies or toddlers who can barely speak, you can suspect through the high fever and a non-stop screaming and wailing! From the pediatrician's explaination, this infection is very very painful for kids. Thus the screaming and wailing.

The treatment for the fever and pain is simple, paracetamol or any pain killers for kids. But for the infection, probably antibiotics as prescribed by your pediatrician. Though I read in one website about ear infection which says antibiotics is not always required for it, believe me.. the doctor always prescribed one.

I had to face a few rounds of ear infection with my kids. Irsyad had one when he was three.. he had high fever and was screaming in pain. Being first time mother, I had no idea what to do except to bring him to an emergency at the wee hour of the morning. Only to be told he had ear infection. The doctor inserted "the bullet" into his anus.. and prescribed some antibiotics. He was OK the very next day.

Eussuv had it worst at 2 years old. His fever was really high that he was babbling nonsense. I panicked.. brought him to an emergency and this time at a Government hospital because it was a Sunday nite and that was the nearest hospital. They admitted him.. stayed there for 3 nites with very little improvement on his fever. Only the fourth day they found out that it was JUST ear infection. My usual pediatrician could have detected it in seconds!!! Not to say anything about government hospitals, but really... 3-4 days to detect an ear infection??

Eussuv had another round of the infection just recently at the age of 8! So I was wrong to think that it could only happened to babies and toddlers. I suspected it could be ear infection when he complained of ear pain just before he went to sleep and followed by fever the very next day. Brought him to a GP and this is the exact words of the GP - "Ear infection is very dangerous. It's in the middle ear. Rather close to the brain. There's only one thin line separating it from the brain. So we have to be very careful. We don't want to the infection goes to the brain.. you know what it means!".. Boy, was I scared!! And for that he gave me one "good" antibiotic (his words again.. GOOD ANTIBIOTIC). We've had this antibiotic before for other infection, you only take it once a day for three days. So I was satisfied.
But Eussuv did not recover for the next three days. He was tired, sleepy, no apetite and still feverish. So I had to bring him to our usual pediatrician. His ear infection is still there. I told the doctor that he already finished a round of antibiotic (I mentioned the name of this GOOD antibiotic). And guess what the doctor said. "Oh that antibiotic is not suitable for ear infection.." HAH" What can I say.. we learn something new everyday? He is fully recovered after a few days. I hope he won't get infected again.

Oh.. and what's the cause of the infection? Both doctors said it's due to a backflow of cold into your ears. When you blow your nose too hard, the mucus goes into the ears and stay here, thus causing the bacteria to develop. So .. next time you or your kids have cold, don't blow too hard.

I hope Syasya and Omar will not experience the pain of ear infection. It will be painful for them.. and sleepless nites for me!!

You can read more, official information on Ear infection here. http://www.patient.co.uk/showdoc/23068797/

Imaginery friends

In the early 90s, (when I single.. young and vibrant!!) I watched this movie featuring my favorite (though a shortie) hero.. Robert Downey Jr. He was an adult with 4 imaginery friends who followed him from his childhood. Can't remember the title of the movie. But at that time I thought.. hmmm .. imaginery friends.. crap! I don't remember having any. Must be another American syndrome!

But when I have kids... oh la la.. believe it or not.. EACH of them have their own favorite "friend". I was kinda scared then thinking that my first-born was actually seeing things... but sharing this with my sisters who already had kids at the time, I was surprised to know that having imaginery friend is a normal thing.

This imaginery friend(s) would have name(s), they would play together, talk to each other (though you can only hear your kid talking).. they would have requests.. you will have to prepare food for them, or bathe them or do whatever you do to your kids. It's kind of fun. It's pretty safe (I guess) to do this as long as you know how to draw the line. I "entertain" all my kids imaginery friends as I believe it's good for their creative imagination, communication, learning and social skills. Sounds weird huh..

I can't remember the two older boys' friends name as it was quite some time ago. But Syasya's was "KOFU" (beats me how this came about).. she had it for quite some time at 3yrs old. KOFU somehow dissapear as she turned 4. She said she left KOFU behind at Jeddah airport on the way back from our trip there. Poor KOFU.

Omar has just started having his "friends" some time this week. Quite a number of them by the name of "oh-oh, ah-ah, chi-chi, aeh-aeh" .. the list can go on whenever he likes. How do I know these friends? Bcos if I ask him to do something (i.e eat or sleep) then he would ask if all of these friends are doing the same thing! Cute huh!

Here's a good article : http://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-467097/Why-having-imaginary-friend-good-children.html.
Another one : http://parenting.families.com/blog/imaginery-friends

The unfortunate ones

I wrote this last week but never get around to publish it until now. Better late than never!

A three year-old boy fell into a big pot of boiling "gulai" yesterday. 50% of his body was scalded. Even the TV footage was dimmed as to hide the boy's pain (I guess!) This boy was playing alone while the parents were busy preparing dishes to be sold at the Ramadhan bazaar, including the gulai kawah. He was lucky to have survived!

On the same day, another boy lost 4 of his fingers while helping his father with the sugar cane machine to produce the sugar cane juice to be sold.

This is the price these boys have to pay to "help" their parents to earn a living. But how about their own future? What will become of them?

I shuddered thinking of the pain the boys have to go through. How did the parents feel? Guilty? I'm not trying to blame the parents but at least, they have to think in the best interest of their children. They shouldn't expose the children to the high risks of being hurt and eventually affecting the children's future. I guess they have no choice.. but still.. !

And this.. is just the tips of an iceberg. I'm sure there are many more out there having the same fate or worse!

The Fasting Eussuv

Ramadhan is here again. Alhamdulillah. I guess every parent would face a tough time teaching the kids to fast, well at least in the beginning. Same here!

Didn't have so much problem with Irsyad (as usual).. as it comes naturally to him. At 6 years-old he managed 15 days.. could have completed 20days but he got chicken pox on the last week.

Eussuv on the other hand, had only 1 day last year - he was 7 then. This year, I am quite determined that he must at least try - a few days. I did not expect much becos I don't want to force him. But I have reminded him many many times that this year he must be strong and try to fast as many days as he could.

So, this is how it went for the past 3 days:

Day 1: Happily bangun sahur and eat rice, slowly. Kept himself busy with TV, PS2 and computer games during the day.. Mummy kept asking "Eussuv, are u OK?". And he confidently smiled and said "I'm OK!". Fine. The day before the boys have discussed that they wanted to go play football at the playground as usual. I said, we'll see first, surely you'll be too tired to play, it's the first day of fasting!".. Well, I was wrong! Both of them went off to play football! Eussuv was very happy and playful as usual. No complaint at all. I was VERY surprised. By the time they got back from the playground, it was already close to 7pm. I could see Eussuv's tired face. But still no complain. He managed to complete it till the end with no complaint, no whining!! Well done! By 8:30pm, he's already deep asleep.. what a day for him..

Day 2: School day. Sahur with rice, mummy suap.. ! Reached home from school at 6pm. looked at the watch and said .. "lambatnya!! Baru pukul 6???" .. and keep saying that until berbuka. He had 4 different types of cold drinks in front of him (buat sendiri!!) ..and keep stirring it while watching the clock! He completed day 2.

Day 3: Another school day. Looking more energetic. Bought himself cold drinks from a stall near his schook while waiting for the van. Completed day 3. Down by 8:30pm.

So.. it was OK after all. I'm glad I did not force him last year and it seemed to be quite natural to him this year. Perhaps he's a bit babyish.. perhaps his maturity comes later as compared to Abang.

We really should not underestimate our kids. Though I know I should also not compare Irsyad and Eussuv, but when you have a good benchmark to start with, you cannot help but compare. By now, I really understood that they are different and have different paces of development, of which I should be able to know and guide them accordingly.

Not easy being a parent huh!

Painted colors

I've got so many things to say but I don't know which one I should say first. I want to talk about my dull weekend, what I thought about the kids, what I thought about life cycle, what I thought about love stories, love songs, and interestingly first loves!

But I think I'll talk about the kids. My life is soooo revolved around them that talking about them would come more naturally than other topics.

Gone were the days when parents were the most respected people in one's life that disobeying them is almost the same as disobeying God.. (now I said, almost). These days, it's like your kids are your parents if you don't play the cards right. They are so demanding that you might fall into their trap of giving in to all their demands. I think I'm in between giving in and setting the rules right. I can be very strict at one moment and yet giving in to their demands in the very next minute. All the parenting tips I read tell me that I have to be consistent in whatever I do while bringing up the kids. If I said no the first time of their demand, I should say no also to their next one, but hey.. I am the most normal human in the world. I do give in once in a while. So I think this had made them think that.. Hey, Mom is the coolest.. she would let me do it, if not now later! They read me well, and hey, I read them well too. Interestingly, when I did not give in, they had to follow and they adapt quite well. That's what they say about children come to this world as a white cloth, we, the parents paint them. So it really up to us to paint the white cloth, whatever color we paint on them, that's what they will become.

Up to this moment, I don't think I'm painting the color that I want them to be. The older they get, the more difficult it gets. And at some point I thought I've put the wrong color altogether. And how can I repaint them back. Is it too late? It is me who has to change, it is me who has to know what color or even what brush should I use!

My baby is 10!

Irsyad turned 10 last week. I couldn't believe it! He is one BIG boy.. he was our first joy (now we have 4 joys). I can still remember the day I delivered him. I believe everybody has "a sentimental" feeling for their firstborn. He/she is the first of everything that you do as a parent. In fact I think it's not too much to say that the firstborn is the most previleged but very experimental. He gets all new things, he has the most pictures in your album, he gets the most of your attention as a baby, and naturally you practise perfection following all the guides in the book as you are still learning as a parent. And as a result, firstborn normally would be a perfectionist.

As in the case of my firstborn, he is everything of a firstborn that I described above. We want the best for him when he was a baby, we try everything on the book on him. And the results is very encouraging. He is one "good" son - very proper, follow "the rules" accordingly, mature, well liked by friends, doing well in his academics (very competitive too!), as well as VAIN!! And this is one case of perfection I have to mention. This VAIN thing is sometimes killing me. He would change his t-shirt if there's one drop of drinks or whatever that stained his t-shirt .. no matter how small, or it's just plain water. He would arrange his bookshelf nicely and neatly all the time (even if it means messing up other ppl's bookshelf!). He will not wear pyjamas out of the house. He will make sure his hair is nicely combed, his shoes is shiny, and his bag is clean - before going to school. Everything must be in order and perfect. Even though all these are good practise, sometimes it just drives me nuts!!!

As opposed to 8 year-old Eussuv who is the total opposite, he couldn't care less about anything as long as he gets to play whatever he wants to play. And he doesn't even care if the whole t-shirt that he's wearing is stained to the max! This one is a result of us the parents kinda know what being a parent is like after having the first one. So you kinda relax a bit on "the rules". It is proven that the kind of parents you are really shape your children's character.

Back to my firstborn, I hope he will be the exemplary lead to his siblings as he already is now. And my wish for him that he becomes the soleh son and the successful one, both in the world and akhirat. Amin.

What does it take to be a parent?

I remember asking my sister how do I take care of my baby if I have one (I have none at that moment). And this is what she said "easy, if he's wet you change him, if he's hungry you feed him, and if he's sleepy, you put him to sleep". Oh.. it's as simple as that? Yeahhhh.. it's as simple as that PLUS millions of other things....
And even now, after having 4 kids, I still ask myself, what does it take to be a parent because most of the time I think I'm not good enough as a parent. So this is what I came up with based on my experience:

1) Love - LOTS and LOTS and LOTS of love ... and you have to show them, shower them with love. It's not material things, it's not money.. it's just feelings.. and these feelings must be shown. Research and statistics have shown that children who grew up surrounded by love are better persons, more sucessful in life and have greater self confidence.
Believe me, there are people who have children but never loved them under some circumstances!

2) Patience - Kids are god's greatest gifts and challenge. With them you feel the joy, at the same time you have to endure some pain . As such you must be strong and patient to face whatever coming your way from them. When they are babies and toddlers, you have to endure their tantrums and sleepless nights, and when they are teenagers you have to deal with their unpredictable behaviors in searching their true identity, and when they are adults, you have to be diplomatic enough to treat them as another adult knowing that they were once babies! And all throughout their phases of life, you have to be there. It is a long joyous and meaningful journey, with some pain here and there no doubt! And this really require lots and lots of patience.

These are the 2 most important ones that I can think of. The rest I believe would come naturally becos LOVE would conquer all. You would do research of their sickness, you would find out about about their medications (and remembering the medication names and purpose). You will buy parenting books, you will want to cook for them.. and do and learn everything else in the world in relation to children. With the feeling of love of your children, you will do anything for them. You will change to a better person insyaAllah.

There are many guides and tips on being a parent, how to treat your kids, how to educate them, how feed them, even how to potty train them. But at the end of the day, it's all about how YOU do it. Each child is unique thus some tips may and may not work for them. Only you can decide what's best to raise your children depending in your environment.

There's no right or wrong parent, they are just different parents.

So what does it take to be a parent, just be yourself with lotsa love to give away!

Mind Mapping

I just found out last night that my eldest son uses a mind mapping technique in his religuous school. I was ecstatic! I have taught him once how to do it, and I thought he never understood and never used it. But hey.. he does. And the best is his teacher is using mind-mapping technique delivering the notes to them. I am impressed.

What is mind mapping? Since I am no master in mind-mapping and nor am I a writer, I shall quote it from one of the many mind mapping sites :

" Popularized by Tony Buzan, Mind Maps abandon the list format of conventional note taking. They do this in favor of a two-dimensional structure. As such, a good Mind Map shows the 'shape' of the subject, the relative importance of individual points, and the way in which facts relate to one another.Mind Maps are more compact than conventional notes, often taking up one side of paper. This helps you to make associations easily. And if you find out more information after you have drawn the main Mind Map, then you can easily add it in. "

To put it in simple terms, it's merely a drawing of notes. Instead of listing the notes (of whatever you have in mind) you draw in such one point is related to another. You can mind-map ANYthing in the world, from your personal things like groceries shopping, wedding plan, travel plan to your business plan or your life goal! It's really great.. I've done it many times and I rarely left any important points!

If you can train your kids to do mind mapping, it is SO great as it is not only make them remember but they can develop their thoughts in such that "they help you to associate ideas and make connections that might not otherwise make".

Here are examples of a Time Management mind map. There are two ways of doing it, the normal map with words/ phrase or a very nice colorful and meaningful maps via pictures. The former is preferred as it is very visual and easy to remember.

Type 1 (simple note-taking, no colors, no graphics)

Type 2 (graphical, colorful, simple phrases)

Try it. It's easy, fun and highly effective!

1001 Things Your Kids Should See and Do

I bought the book above by Harry H.Harrison Jr. A quick Google search showed me that this guy wrote books on raising kis. Check out Amazon.com.

What I like about this book is it's simple and easy to read. It's not like a book to read, but merely consists of 1001 points for you to think on what your kids should see and do - or else they'll never leave home. Quite interesting really. It's divided into a few sections. I'm only on the first section as of today and already having this shared with you. The first section is "They need to visit Mister Roger's neigborhood" which I understand as what they need to know about basics in the house, the universe, etc.. simply the basics of life. He has 90 things of this section.

It kinda put a smile on my face reaing some of the notes. I then made a mental notes of what or how are some of these things applicable to my kids. So here's some of the points in the book and how I see it .. (I change a few wordings to suit our Malaysian way of doing things, as this writer is American, his writing is very much American and not applicable but conveys the same meaning if you change some items) ...

What my kids are already doing / always do:
- They need to develop sense of adventure. The younger the better.
- They need to know who they are; their full name, address, mom's and dad's full names and phone number
- They need to ride a bike. And fall down. And get up and ride some more
- They need to eat weird food: other than rice, like Sushi, Tofu, Salad (without rice)...
- They need to tell the truth
- They need to switch off the tele.

What I wish they can/ would do:
- They need to find their way out of a maze (or a rat race!!??)
- They need to conquer their fears
- They need to stand up for themselves
- They need to do things well without expecting a praise
- They need to roll in the snow even if they are staying in Malaysia

What they MUST do:
- They need to learn not to keep secrets from you
- They need to say nice things about people instead of hurtful things
- They need to learn to say "I'm sorry"
- They need to respect their curfew : Television curfew, Computer curfew, be-home-by-9pm curfew
- They need to stand up when meeting an adult. And shake hands while looking in their eyes.

What I'm sure they'd love to do:
- They need to build a birhouse
- They need to collect a jar of lightning bugs at night
- They need to spend hours building sandcastles on the beach and watch the evening tides wash it away
- They need to do a hokey-pokey (whatever that is) on Rollerblades
- They need to sleep outside and watch the falling stars

What goes without saying :
- They need to see you reaing your Quran. At home.
- They need to pray. First with you. Then without you. (and hopefully for you)

What I'm not sure if they see:
- They need to see that you love them completely. The way they are.
- They need to see you light up when they get home from school or when you get home from work..

Those are just part of getting to know the "neigborhood". There are also a few which I don't agree to such as "they need to take a nap with their dog".. and so on..

So what do you think? I think it's worth a buy.. not necessarily must follow all of it...

My GEMS

I'm going to introduce to the world, my GEMS, a.k.a my children ...
And they ARE ...

The first one, going to be 10 in July....IRSYAD. He is very much of a firstborn. Follow-the-book kind of person. He's very matured for his age in some things, but still a baby in others. Vain. Very brotherly to his siblings. They all look up to him. A favorite among friends. Top in his class..

The second one, EUSSUV. Will be 8 in October. This is the opposite of Irsyad. The baby of the family despite having two younger siblings. Funny, playful, do-as-you-go kind of person. Very creative. Able to think out of the box..and has the prosperous look (according to my friend Penny..)!

Aisyah.. the only princess in the clan, well guarded by the 3 princes. Also kown as Syasya. Very soft at heart and yet very fiery on the outside. Can scream on top of her lungs if not treated well. Cry easily at any sad scenes on TV. Can even cry if Mommy prentends to cry.. Very sisterly to all brothers, even can act like a BIG sister if needs to. Funnily though, a very shy and quiet girl at school.. (this, totally incomprehensible!!). Endlessly asking for a baby sister (instead of a BOY!).

And last but not least, little Ryan Omar. This is a future star. At a tender age of yet 2, already showing signs of "heroism". Can mimick everybody, roll his eyes pretty good whenever he needs to.. Can play dolls with Syasya, and adversely, a good smack down with abangs!! I can't believe this one grew up so fast!!

They are all wonderful kids, each having their unique characters and specialty.. what else could I possibly ask for??

Safety Rules

It's safety day in my office today. Listening to the speeches given by the leaders, I thought of writing this. One of the cliches we often hear is "Safety Begins at Home". I for one couldn't agree more. If you are aware of the safety around you, you will subconciously put the safety measures in whatever you do and practice it at home, and everywhere else.

Safety at home is the most important thing especially if you have kids. You have to know the safety rules at all levels while raising your children, from the day they were born, until they can think of the safety rules themselves. I think we Malaysians don't really emphasize this "Safety Begins at Home"... i.e that's why we have too many home accidents. Thank God, so far I have not encountered any major accidents at home. Though lots of little trips, and "tersepit" fingers and toes! All my kids have their little fingers "tersepit" at the car door at least once! Yup.. me .. bad mom!! Luckily again.. they are soft ones... but bad enough to keep them screaming in pain for a good 10 mins.. and a blue black on their little fingers for a few days.. no broken bones..

You have to ensure safety in all corners of the house. It will tire you to think of all the things to keep your child safe. If you can't cover all, you must intravene when you see any dangerous act. I sreamed at the top of my lungs if I have to !! I teach my kids what is dangerous and what is not. So you can hear my kids say.. "eh bahaya tu! ("that's dangerous")... heheh...

There's also safety against crimes. Sadly, Malaysia has become such an unsafe country. The price that you have to pay for development! This the safety that I fear as it is most likely unforseen. How do you ensure that you are safe against the robbers? Yes we do take measures at home but we never know. I fear for the safety of my children the most. I had a close call of 2 of them being taken away without my knowledge last year when my ungrateful maid took them away. Thankfully, they were returned to me safely. I cringed at the thought of any of them taken away from. Na'uzubillah.

Other than taking the safety measures, the best that we can do is PRAY. Never forget to pray for your safety against disasters and evils..