Monday, July 10, 2017

I am still here

I am still here.. very much alive, Alhamdulillah.

I am still doing whatever I am doing. It's almost a year since I last wrote in here. I'm not sure why I still bother to write when I know very well that nobody's gonna read this. But hey... Am not looking for any audience. This blog is purely for me and my memories. Perhaps something I can look back to later in life. Hence I should be writing something more meaningful, more memorable. Not just random ramblings huh. Then again my writing at any point should reflect what I'm feeling at the moment.

So what am I feeling right now? The same feeling I've had for the past few months.. Since early of the year. I'm excited, motivated, full of energy. I go to trainings, meetings, read books, exercises, and all other positive activities. And all these activities should lead me to generating more income, feeling more positive in life and hence lead a better life. So does it really work? In a way yes... I cannot make a drastic change in my life. I have to consider those around me who has to adjust to changes that I do. So I have to do it gradually. I have to be patient in getting to where I want to go. As much as I want things to happen, I still have my hiccups. I am still not living my dreams. I am getting there in shaa Allah.

Just as time flies too fast, kids grow up faster than I can catch up. I feel like I'm losing them at one point. Everyone has become so independent that they seem to not needing me anymore! They are constantly busy with their "own" life..I only come in when their stomach is empty.. how comforting is that??

I hope I will get where I'm heading eventually. I have to be confident. I have to be bold and dare to explore. It's just that age is catching up... Then again it should never be an excuse. Ok yes.. in shaa Allah I will get there.

Friday, August 19, 2016

What I do best and I love the most

Life is about choices. You decide what you want to do. You decide what you want to be. 

So this is what happened to me. I chose this path, without thinking much, just pray that things will come my way, with some efforts (not even an all out efforts). So with this, I shouldn't complain of how or what my life has turned out to be. 

And what's the purpose of this entry again?

I chose to quit my job just as I was about to turn big four-0. My original plan was to quit at four-0. But hey we can only plan. The ONE up there decides what's best for me.

And so there I was quitting my 9-5 job without regret, without any specific plan what to do next. I didn't even plan to have fun, to go for holidays or just to chill out. I just go with the flow. NO plan at all. Come to think of it.. what was I thinking?

Life has not been easy since then. Yeah with the household income cut to half (or maybe cut to 1/3 since hubby was also transferred back to Malaysia) we really struggle. I didn't know how we survived but we did; with a lot of struggles, tears, quarrels, and many more. And life goes on. It really was a tough one.

How do we do now? We are better but it is never the same. Life has its peak, we are sometimes at the top and sometimes at the bottom. We have been at the bottom and perhaps now climbing to the top again.

The lessons learnt is that I am closer to what I really want to do in life and what I do best. Though not quite there yet but perhaps on the way. 

Other than being a great housewife and mom (tsk tsk...), I believe I am good at anything that has to do with language. Ahaa.. believe it or not. Though it's just English and my mother tongue. I want to write, I love to read and I really hope I can generate income out of this. And you know what.. I did it. I have been doing that for the past three years. I am a translator, editor and perhaps someday a writer! I have translated three books and they've been published. I've also translated documents, websites, certificates, and anything that needs to be translated. I even do subtitling! I've proofread quite a number journals, thesis, websites and any types of documents needed to be proofread. I love it! I love doing it though it means burning the midnight candles, though it means not being able to go out from the house or even do housework (well not that I love doing housework so much, but just I have to!). 

And what I love best is proofreading. So far, I have enjoyed all the papers that I have to proofread. Though they are sometimes long, boring academic papers, I always appreciate the information that I got from the reading. I even love reading the statistics presented in thesis papers! It's simply rewarding. I guess this is what it's like to love your job. You love doing it at the same time you got paid for it. As for me, it is also informative and you learn something new every time. It's simply rewarding and beneficial. I wish to have more proofreading and translation jobs. I have yet aggressively market myself as an editor, so far it's just word of mouth or online applications. 

Another thing that I love to do but perhaps not so good at it is being a unit trust consultant. I love talking and meeting people not my from my own circle. I have my set of clients, and I have a consistent income from this but it is still not enough for me to be at the top in the circle of unit trust consultant. I am struggling a bit here because this field requires me to be on the go most of the time to look for and meet clients; which I have some issues with since there are kids needs to be transported to and from school. Time is an issue. Still, I love the thrill in this area. I love meeting people and go places. This is a definitely a keeper though a bit tough for me.

This year has been quite good. I got a fair share of editing job every month and great loyal clients that keeps me going. Though I wish for more, I can only get what HE has allocated for me. I shall work harder to survive and enjoy the rest of the year. 

Somehow I love what I'm doing and I believe that I'm good at it. It doesn't give me a BMW but hey who needs one if  you are happy with whatever you have. 

So whoever out there who needs a translator, editor, reviewer, anything along that line... try me! I am available 24x7 at the most affordable rate. There you go, trying at the very least market myself!

Oh and yes, investment too.. whoever needs to talk about financial planning, retirement planning.. I will make myself available at your request.

And at this juncture.. I am so glad I write this entry!

Tuesday, July 12, 2016

Wanted Moments

It seemed just like yesterday I wrote about the March madness. And now suddenly it becomes quiet July! Talk about being human - never satisfied with whatever they have. If it's madness you want it quiet, if it's quiet you wish it to be not so quiet. What is it that you really want??

Ramadhan was over, now it's Syawal. This Syawal will mark the first Syawal of us not having a kampung house to go back to. We went back to kampung but stayed in a hotel. How pathetic is that? With the passing of my beloved brother last December, our kampung house was turned into an Orphanage. It was the wish of our late parents for the house to be turned into such should my brother passed away. Alhamdulillah the house is now being prepared and will be in operation next month. Nevertheless, we managed to have a blast Hari Raya... And managed to see all our relatives.

Now school has started and our normal routine is back. The only thing is that, there are less two people in the house. Irsyad as finally enrolled in college, the college that he wanted so much. Alhamdulillah. Eussuv is way up north in the boarding. That left just the four of us, Mom, Dad, Kakak and Adik. Ohhhh it's such a quiet house. I'm beginning to wonder how is it with families with only one child, surely it's a quiet one too and I'm sure they are used to it. Perhaps I shouldn't complain. I thank Allah for all the moments I have with my family, near and far. I should be much more thankful to Allah for all the things in life. For the health of my family members, for all the luxuries in life, enough food and clothes.

In Ramadhan alone, I heard of two sudden passing of friends' husbands who were at the peak of their lives, young and successful. Reminds me again to be thankful for the life that I have now. Reminds me too of how fragile life is, it can be taken away anytime. Subhanallah.

Hopefully we will have a more meaningful moments and productive months for the rest of the year. In shaa Allah. Enough unnecessary ramblings..

Tuesday, May 3, 2016

The March Story

I have to write about the March madness that I encountered so that I remember and have it recorded.

It was madness. Madness I never experienced before or perhaps I did experience it before but never get around to write it.

Early March was the results for my eldest's exam, the BIG Malaysian exam that's supposedly 'determine' his future. I say 'supposedly' because that seems to be the belief that Malaysians planted in their heads. While I on the other hand believe otherwise. It is not THIS exam that determines your life. Yes it may be a ticket to a brighter future but it's not the end of it. If somebody did badly, it's not the end of life, if somebody did very well, it doesn't mean you're gonna have a successful life. It all depends on what you want in life and how you chart the journey of your life. So it all depends on yourself, not the exam results!

Still, Alhamdulillah Irsyad did well though not as well as he wanted it to be. But like I told him it's a reflection of how much effort he had put in it, so he had to accept it. Also, it's already written up there that's the results that he's gonna get. With the results, we went hunting for a place to further his studies. It went on for the next two weeks which include attending education fairs and applying online. It was a lot of headache since there are many courses that he wanted to apply but he couldn't due to his results. Also the MAJOR hurdle, the $$$. We couldn't afford the private unis but can only hope for the public unis (which I trust have better quality of education!) and hope for financial aid from any organisation. HOPE!

Not forgetting the headache we had with 'changing of interests', what his friends had, what daddy wanted. Ouchhhh.. he vouched for what dad suggested in the end.

After two weeks, after I thought I can finally sit down, received a text message for my second son's admission for a boarding school! And we all at first thought it was a scam!! Yes we did apply for the school but was told by at least three officers there that it's not likely to get it because of his results. And whaddayaknow! We checked online, and yes, it was his name, his ID number and no it was not a scam. And we had only three working days to prepare him. That 3 days include preparing the paperworks, the things that he had to bring to the school, and of course the mental preparation for both him and the family. I never expected him to get a place so we never talk about it nor even think about it. Just sometimes hope. Alhamdulillah he's ok with it and accept it gladly. So off he went, after a 6 hour journey to the school. A very nice hilly boarding school.

The next two weeks of March left with us adjusting Eussuv in the new school. Waiting for him to call and text. Trying to convince him things are gonna be ok when he sounded a bit worried about life there, and sometimes sounded homesick. It was an adjustment period which he (and me too) had to endure. Once we all passed that moment, in shaa Allah things will go on smoothly and life goes on.

It was really a madness, emotionally and physically. Financially as well. Preparation for a boarding school is no joke, fees to pay, uniforms to buy, bla bla bla. And even applying for colleges requires the RM too. Makes me wonder what if one cannot afford it?

Now it's already May. How time flies. April was the time for me to chill down just a bit, before I took on an assignment which lasted me throughout April. And before you know it, it'll be the end of 2016.

I pray for the months to come to bring me more significant moments. Though a dread sometimes, I know I have to go through it. May will be the results to the unis. Hope Irsyad will get what he wanted. In shaa Allah.

Sunday, January 3, 2016

Another year, another hope

It's the new year again. The only time that I feel obligated to write. I have often wanted to write in the last one year but never get around to do it. I wanted to write about my achievements, my failures, my happiness and sorrows, my pride, my dreams and hopes.. I ended having words only in my thoughts. 2015 was indeed a great year. It was filled of achievements I would say. My achievement in my very own ways of being a mom, wife, financial consultant, as well as translator and editor. Believe me, I was all that in a year! And proud to be one. It was also achievements for my kids as they excelled in their exams and life as a kid! I am ever so proud of them too. 

I don't want to talk about my failures because whatever that I failed to do is actually lessons learnt for the year. I shall take a step ahead to make it a success instead. 

I pray for more health this year. 2015 was a rather 'painful' year as I was sick for many days, more than I can remember. I had the normal cold and flu as well a very bad back pain that crippled me for a few days and I seemed to have lost my normal healthy body. Perhaps it's aging? Sheesh! Regardless, I am still thankful for whatever is left, and it is nothing chronic that I should be worried about.

As 2015 neared to the end, I lost my dearest brother. A brother who is so special, who bonded us all siblings together. Things will never be the same again. It felt like I lost my entire past before my eyes. He was the link I had to my hometown, my childhood memories, my family.. and the strong tie that bind us all. With him gone, a memorable chunk of my life seemed to be gone too. It will only be in memories, not before my eyes. May Allah bless his soul.

I am determined to make 2016 a different one. There are so many changes that I have to make in life now that the kids are growing too fast. With the slowing economy ahead too! I am writing down my goals for the year for the first time rather than having it in my head. Rather than praying and hoping 2016 will be a great year, I am finally writing down what I have to achieve for the year, what and how. As such, my next entry for the blog, I am going to write about something more significant, more tangible, than just hopes!

I can only plan, I can only pray for the best after putting all my best efforts. Allah knows best. But I will try, I will pray. One should not only pray but take action. One should not only accept what comes by but make the best out of the situation. But one needs to redho of whatever that came as it is all Allah's doing and He, only He knows best.

Hence, 2016 ..In shaa Allah will be another great year. 

Wednesday, January 21, 2015

2015 - Of hopes and prayers

Another year is here again..and life goes on. Welcome 2015, another challenging year that I pray hard will pass without any big hurdle despite 3 of my kids having their big exams. UPSR, PT3 and SPM. A very well known and scary abbreviations for kids in Malaysia. Oh sure, they are just papers.. but papers that will see them through their life in Malaysia. In the country where your personal qualities are often ignored, but papers are highly appraised!

Starting of the year made me think about friendship. Somehow I bumped into some old friends whom I have not catch up with for so many years. I feel the need to reconnect with them, for old times sake. I for one, am somebody who really treasure my friendship. I just cannot live without my friends. They are colors of my life, we create memories together, be it good or bad. Life without friends is like death without witnesses. Hence this year I plan to make more time for old friends. Sadly though, there are also those who simply forget the time we spent together in their life's own pursuit. How could one forget.. and they are not even bad memories. How can you just leave your good friends and treat them as though they never exist in your life. I hope someday they come to their senses and reconcile.

I shall also pray for this year to become a better and more significant in many ways.. in every way. I shall redho with whatever that may come but I hope I shall be more prepared.

No these are not my new year resolutions, but just hopes and prayers. And with efforts, I shall make it through.

May Allah bless us all and gives us barakah in every way...

Thursday, November 27, 2014

Teenager 101

When I have the thoughts to write this piece I googled it first wanting to see if anybody ever wrote it before. And wallahhh... what do you know, they even have a course on this.. That you have to pay a hefty sum to attend. That shows how serious this topic is. One psychology site is provided by a teen counselor who spends his life solving teenager's problem. I cringed at the thought!

I have 3 teenagers in the house now. 2 boys and one girl. I think the monster in me is appearing more and more than I like to admit. Teenage years are perhaps one of the most trying moments in one's life (but isn't life a trying moment all the way??) in a course of growing up. It is the time that may define who they are or what they are going to be once they reached adulthood. I, as a parent, never knew this would also be the trying moment of parenthood. Though this is the time I as a parent should be a friend to my teenage child, that's what Islam teaches us. Imagine how much patience you must have to be their friends!!

Among the traits that I notice of being teenagers:

1- I want to explore - they like to explore things, what they like and what they don't like. Not necessarily what's right and wrong. So this is where parents should come in, to advice them what's right and what's wrong. This is the time when we should be their friends. We have to guide them to the right activities, the right path. We have to know who their friends are and be friends with them as well. We always have to stir them away from the bad. When you become their friends they will share with you their stories, hence you will know what they do. Don't be too authoritative. That's what most teenagers hate the most. Be lenient but stern.

 2- I'm right - perhaps it is the culture shock that they have somehow to be able to think for themselves. They think they are always right, they are the best in whatever they do, their ways matters the most, they must get what they want. I think this is where most of the conflicts between parents and teenagers arise. It is how the parents tackle this problem will give you the right solutions or the solutions that will benefit both parties. I am still tackling this issue.. It's very difficult to argue with a teenager in a non authoritative manner. The most you can do is clench your teeth!!

 3- I must have the sense of fashion - this is another headache trying change a wardrobe from a childlike to the so-called in trend fashion that may change every season! But perhaps the most difficult is trying to find the right size when he/she is in the middle size, too big for kids size but too small for adult size. And yet they want to be dressed like an adult! Perhaps in some part of the world it does not have this problem.. but it does in this region.

4- I must have the latest gadget in the market - for affluent ones, this may not be a problem.. but for me it is among the biggest problem. Not only we cannot afford it, I also think it poses some threats to their growing up. Being in the hi-tech age today, not having a gadget of any sort is considered backward.. especially in a teenage world. They forget that it is us who earns in this household, not them. We decide what they can buy and what not. Cruel it may seem but I make them save for their own gadgets from their allowance or whatever money they get from relatives and friends, or even they can find ways to make money. So far this works fine but still very much under our supervision.

5- I must spend time with my best buddies - they think going to malls with their parents is somehow awkward or embarrassing. This is the time where friends or any other teenagers are all they adore, hate or look up to. Peers play highly significant roles in their lives. This is the time parents should introduce role models to their teenagers not let them choose their own. parents must make sure they follow only the right role models, suitable to their lives, faith and environment. People around them will really shape their lives, including us parents.

Perhaps these are the most common things that we worry about teenagers. And I believe this goes across the universe regardless of culture and religion. For me, I believe in trusting your child, believing in them at the same time guiding them. Let them go through every child has to go through but hold their hands along the way, don't let go, regardless of what people say. Don't be too overbearing but just enough to make sure he becomes a person, a significant one to you and himself/herself.

And this for sure, is my holy owned opinion, experience and observation. It may not be true to some as each teenager is different and each parent is different.