Thursday, November 27, 2014

Teenager 101

When I have the thoughts to write this piece I googled it first wanting to see if anybody ever wrote it before. And wallahhh... what do you know, they even have a course on this.. That you have to pay a hefty sum to attend. That shows how serious this topic is. One psychology site is provided by a teen counselor who spends his life solving teenager's problem. I cringed at the thought!

I have 3 teenagers in the house now. 2 boys and one girl. I think the monster in me is appearing more and more than I like to admit. Teenage years are perhaps one of the most trying moments in one's life (but isn't life a trying moment all the way??) in a course of growing up. It is the time that may define who they are or what they are going to be once they reached adulthood. I, as a parent, never knew this would also be the trying moment of parenthood. Though this is the time I as a parent should be a friend to my teenage child, that's what Islam teaches us. Imagine how much patience you must have to be their friends!!

Among the traits that I notice of being teenagers:

1- I want to explore - they like to explore things, what they like and what they don't like. Not necessarily what's right and wrong. So this is where parents should come in, to advice them what's right and what's wrong. This is the time when we should be their friends. We have to guide them to the right activities, the right path. We have to know who their friends are and be friends with them as well. We always have to stir them away from the bad. When you become their friends they will share with you their stories, hence you will know what they do. Don't be too authoritative. That's what most teenagers hate the most. Be lenient but stern.

 2- I'm right - perhaps it is the culture shock that they have somehow to be able to think for themselves. They think they are always right, they are the best in whatever they do, their ways matters the most, they must get what they want. I think this is where most of the conflicts between parents and teenagers arise. It is how the parents tackle this problem will give you the right solutions or the solutions that will benefit both parties. I am still tackling this issue.. It's very difficult to argue with a teenager in a non authoritative manner. The most you can do is clench your teeth!!

 3- I must have the sense of fashion - this is another headache trying change a wardrobe from a childlike to the so-called in trend fashion that may change every season! But perhaps the most difficult is trying to find the right size when he/she is in the middle size, too big for kids size but too small for adult size. And yet they want to be dressed like an adult! Perhaps in some part of the world it does not have this problem.. but it does in this region.

4- I must have the latest gadget in the market - for affluent ones, this may not be a problem.. but for me it is among the biggest problem. Not only we cannot afford it, I also think it poses some threats to their growing up. Being in the hi-tech age today, not having a gadget of any sort is considered backward.. especially in a teenage world. They forget that it is us who earns in this household, not them. We decide what they can buy and what not. Cruel it may seem but I make them save for their own gadgets from their allowance or whatever money they get from relatives and friends, or even they can find ways to make money. So far this works fine but still very much under our supervision.

5- I must spend time with my best buddies - they think going to malls with their parents is somehow awkward or embarrassing. This is the time where friends or any other teenagers are all they adore, hate or look up to. Peers play highly significant roles in their lives. This is the time parents should introduce role models to their teenagers not let them choose their own. parents must make sure they follow only the right role models, suitable to their lives, faith and environment. People around them will really shape their lives, including us parents.

Perhaps these are the most common things that we worry about teenagers. And I believe this goes across the universe regardless of culture and religion. For me, I believe in trusting your child, believing in them at the same time guiding them. Let them go through every child has to go through but hold their hands along the way, don't let go, regardless of what people say. Don't be too overbearing but just enough to make sure he becomes a person, a significant one to you and himself/herself.

And this for sure, is my holy owned opinion, experience and observation. It may not be true to some as each teenager is different and each parent is different. 

Friday, October 31, 2014

Oh what a dream..

Sometimes or many times I wonder if my kids really need me,really love me as they just go about their daily lives as though I'm not there. Well.. SOMETIMES I feel that way. Though sometimes I felt that they depended on me too much. On my low days, I just want to get away from them to see how they would live without me... but of course I don't do that and WILL not do that, it was just evil thought conquering my mind when it is at those low unstable moments. 

Just last week, one early morning my Ryan woke up crying, It was almost time to get up and I was awake but was still in bed when he came to my room crying and snuggled beside me. When I asked why he told me in a crying voice.. though difficult to understand I figured out he had a bad dream.. just as I thought. But it was a dream that made him clung to me tightly, a dream so real that he won't let go of me until he fell asleep again. The dream that made me sorry for him and saddened me that he had that dream. He dreamt of me being crushed to death in an accident. Thank God it was just a dream, but it must be so real to him to leave him shaken. We believe that if one dreams of somebody died, in real life that person is believed to have a longer life. One comforting belief that many hold on to. Who knows really!

When he woke up that day he continued to be a little unhappy, just a little. When I asked again what was in his dream he refused to relate it saying that he don't want to remember. But for the first time, as I remember, that one day, he stayed close to me, kissing and hugging me as and when he remembers. Something he rarely do. He's one boy who doesn't like to be cuddled but he does that day. 

The thought of me dead must really shake him. As much as I pity him for having the dream, I know now how much he needs me. It gives me a new perception of life with my kids. I know now that they need me, they love me. I should be more enthusiastic about life in general, about life as a person, as a mom.. I have to go on for them, live life to the fullest for them, and myself. It is a very long way to go. I pray to Allah that I will live longer for the sake of the children, that I will live healthy so that I will not burden anyone, that I can raise my children until the very end. If God wills.

Capturing memories

One of the joys of life is having children. It is one of the God's greatest gifts. Thus I can understand the sorrow of those of not having one. Then again they are bestowed with other great things in life, other God's great gifts nonetheless. As God is fair to all.

To capture life's precious moments with kids is almost impossible ..not even in your memory box. Though I wish I could. There'll be pictures and videos. And another mean is blog. But how much can you write? Bits and pieces maybe. Thus perhaps I could start again what I've started in the first place... to write about the joy of raising them, the hurdles, the solutions, the thoughts and hopes. Perhaps when I grow old, or when THEY grow old there'll be memories in words that they can hold on to and able to put a smile on their faces or tears in their eyes.

There are so much in life that pass you by without you realize it and not get a hold of it. Time passes so quickly that you don't even get to stop and smell the roses. Time is ticking and we must make the most of it. In shaa Allah.

Wednesday, August 6, 2014

I'm back..

It's been 8 months since I last wrote! No I have not forgotten this blog. Perhaps my prayers for 2014 have been granted that I have been too busy to write. God knows how much I miss writing. In my mind I write everyday. I want to capture every day of my life. If possible I want to record it so that I will not forget.. but who am I .. the small being who is only capable of a few things at a moment. I want to record my achievement, my failure, my mistakes, my joy and sorrow. Each gives a new meaning in my life and I treasure every moment.

It has been a great busy 8 months.. really. Too many things happened that I just didn't realised time passed by. I was too busy worrying about what life would bring me the next day, the next month and the next year. I was too busy filling up my time thinking that if I don't do anything now, I will never get what i want in life. At the same time, I am trying hard to invest for the afterlife. Oh I really hope whatever I'm doing now will be worth it. In shaa Allah.

And still there's so much more to do, to achieve. There's so much more in my dreams yet to be realised. I'm trying to get there. I'm trying hard.

I am confident God will give me the strength and the will to overcome the hardship. His promises are always true... In shaa Allah..   

Friday, January 24, 2014

Wallaa... It's 2014!

And who would have known.. Despite the storm, the rain , the flood... It's here. 2014.. Hoping for a great year ahead. Thankfully I had a great start. As I have stop hoping for the star.. I just need to hop and reach for it...

Nevertheless, 2013 has been somewhat a great year despite the storm the turmoil that I had to go through. Perhaps I shouldn't think about any more storms but just go out there and dance in the rain and make the most of it in whatever condition. Because it will pass.. the storm, the rain, it will pass.

It was a great year for my kids as each of them proudly made achievements in their lives. My eldest scored straight As in his junior high exam, my second one bravely went through hardship of being in a mediocre school inhabitant by gangsters! Well done for him for not getting into gangsterism as well. My princess maintained a top 20 in school..  good enough for me as she enjoyed school all throughout. And my little baby - who's definitely lost his baby smell..- made a shockingly well performance in his exams which qualified him to be in the first class in the school. It is truly unexpected of him as most of the time, all throughout the year I wonder if he understand school at all! I am happy for all of them and I thank God for making it possible. He heard my prayers and granted it.. again.

And I .. achieved another milestone, another certificate of achievement to add to my collection of certs. Something I've been wanting to be in for a long time. I am now a certified translator. I feel so great having achieved this. It's like a dream comes true.. Except that I have yet to put it to use. Soon, if God wills.. 2014.

Having said that, I pray hard that 2014 will be a great year, better that the great 2013. I shall brave all the hurdles, I shall take the challenge, I shall get rid of all the storms! InsyaAllah, InsyaAllah.