Of first loves

I recently had a nice drive along the highway listening to good songs. And suddenly I remembered the some k-dramas that I've been watching. A lot of stories of how they met their first love again and how they never moved on their first loves. Aww come on! Get a life. as much as I watched all of these dramas.. I know for sure it's just a drama and almost never happened in real life. It's just for the good feel.. the romance part of it. So cliche..

And suddenly I remember of my first love. Yes it was really a good feeling.. you were young, and trying to have that good feeling everybody is experiencing. Yes.. you should at least feel the feeling once in a lifetime. You must go through the good feel of first love and you MUST also feel the pain of a broken heart. Yes I told everyone that is THE thing that you have to go through in life, the painful feeling of being broken, betrayed and lonely. At least you will get up stronger and teach you a lesson or two about yourself, your heart. About other people as well. About what and how you perceive life and how you will move on. And NO, you shouldn't go back to your first love. Move ON! There are so many more people out there who surely can love you more. UNLESS God has already determined that he/she is yours in the beginning. Other than that, don't dwell on it  too much.

I for one, will not ever go back to my first love. Yes it was so sweet, the best thing that ever happened in my life, the sweetest moment ever on earth. But that was THEN. Past tense. Do I want to taste this sweetness again? NO. It's over and that's that. And I kind of glad it was over. No matter 'unsweet' and lack of love it seems of my current situation, God has planned it this way and I accept it. And I will live my life around it and make the best of it. I've had my time and Alhamdulillah I went through all of it, gracefully. 

So yeah,, what's the huha about first loves? Ahaksss...

Mid Year Review

 It looks like this page have almost been infested by spider web.. 

I chance upon this page today and feel the need to say something. I read my previous post and couldn't even remember what was the 'bad' thing that happened in 2025 that prompted me to write as such! Sheesh!

It's already mid of 2026 (BIG sighhhhhhh). Life has been pretty busy with too many things. I wish I could remember but apparently not. I'm just thankful that I am still healthy and able to write this post. My biggest fear is that I am not able to write at all, anywhere. I am ever ever so grateful, so blessed to be able to write. Though I feel that my ability to remember things is declining, at least I am still able to do things, routinely or non-routine. Alhamdulillah. 

My only wish for now is that I am capable to live just as I was before, physically, emotionally, mentally. No I am not sick or anything, Alhamdulillah. But I can feel age is taking a toll on me even though I'm not that near of the failing, and ailing age. I am not complaining but yeah.. just wish.

May Allah grant me a healthy body and mind for the rest of the year and for many many more years to come. 

2026 Please be kind!

I wanted to beat myself and write before the new year came. I lost!

I have no energy, passion nor patience to write at the end of the year. Alhamdulillah this time Allah moved me to write. 

I wanted to write about my achievement, my failure, my joy, my frustration (this one weighs the most)... but maybe not.. it's too cliche huh..

I've had my fair share of achievement and joy in 2025. I had a colorful year, too many events that made the year passed by in a breeze. I have to look back because I want to remember everything but my brain storage has come to the brim and some memories simply slipped out. Many times I wish I remember especially those joyful moment, but who are we to ask. We are driven by Him.. we will remember if He lets us. 

But I remember my frustrations too. It is mostly emotions that left a scar in my heart. And to think of it the scar that has been there for a long time but it always resurface and bleed again, no matter how much I try to heal it. Sometimes it's not even painful anymore, my brain has become immune to it but my hearts still hurt. The only thing is that these days, I try to rationalise it, change my perspective and remind myself that this is by Allah's decree, and I have to accept it for He knows best. No matter how painful it is, I have to accept it because it comes from Allah and we don't know the good in it. 

I hope 2026 will be a better year. As we always wish another new year will be a better year. Isn't life always like that.. life has to progress better. Another year should be better than the year before, even today should be better than yesterday. At this age especially, the age that anything can happen to me anytime, the age that I should look forward to reap what I sow, I shouldn't be 'planning' for life anymore. I should be planning for my afterlife, that is nearer to me now. I should use the rest of my life in peace, harmony, no backbiting, no envy, no regrets, no blaming... just enjoy a quiet peaceful life. I have lived my life before. Except a few things, I have gone through a good life. Alhamdulillah. 

I'm not sure what I'm getting at in this post really. But yeah.. it is the beginning of the year. I sure hope 2026 will bring me more joy, success, good deeds, and I hope I can be a better person for the akhirah. 

So come 2026, bring it on! May Allah ease and guide me.. Aminn..