Kids playtime vs success?

I have a new role this school holidays. I supervise kids in my neighborhood during their playtime! OK, call me paranoia (spell??) or overprotective parent, but hey, in this day and age somebody gotta watch them. Gone were the days kids can freely roam the kampung or taman without giving a hoot about the preying eyes of the criminals. They no longer have the freedom. Criminal intentions are lurking everywhere.
The funny thing is, and rather ironic, I am the only parent around. I wonder whatever happens to other kids parents? There are at least 8-10 of them including my 2 boys, going around on their bikes or playing football or simply gathering around the playground. I make sure I know who are they, where they live, who their parents are, which school they go to, their age. By now I know them by face if not remembereing their names. These boys mostly have working parents, of whom are not back yet from work at 6pm (unlike me who will try my best to reach home by 6pm). But I also know that a few of them whose parents are stay-at-home mom or teachers. Really, I have never seen any other mom other than me walking around the neigborhood. Of course there are maids bringing some toddlers at the playground. There are also some girls of the boys's age playing at the playground, without any supervision. True, they are big enough to be supervised, but .. still!

On the days that I'm really tired, I hate this new role. Simply bcos I have to walk around the whole taman pushing Omar in his stroller, and holding Syasya's hands. But at the same time, it is good walking exercise for me. But many many times, I question myself? Why am I the only parent here? Aren't they worried about their kids? Do they know where their kids are? Who they are with?

Why do I allow them to play outside in the first place? I could just say, just stay in the house. But I was thinking, hey the kids do need to play! Play is important for their physical and mental development. I don't want them to be cooped up in the house watching TV and playing computer games. It its so unhealthy! At the same time, somebody needs to watch them. I for one, will not take any risk of losing them to anything or anybody.

There's a good article in the STAR today which emphasize the importance of play in a child.. read here : http://www.thestar.com.my/lifestyle/story.asp?file=/2008/11/26/lifeparenting/2619422&sec=lifeparenting

There's also a good view in the Sun today on how a parents involvement in a child's activity that can shape the child's success in the future - "Parents must bite the bullet". The writer cited Nichol David as an example. Her parents spent a lot time with her at the court, the gym and any training sessions. And look at where she is now. The point the writer is trying to make is, don't expect your child to be a footballer if you just drop him off at the football clinic or at any game and pick them up later without actually being there to support them. To ensure their success, you must support them in their activities, in any of their hobbies, not just academically. We have to shape, otherwise they may turn out to be what they want to be or what you want them to be.

So after all, I am in the right track. I try as much to be there for them. And I hope my kids will be successful in their lives (this is subjective!) with my little (if not fully) supervision.

Next step, perhaps I should watch their favorite TV programs as well? Ultraman, Digimon, the nonsense but most favored Hagemaru? Oh no...!!!

The Yoga Uproar

I feel compelled to write about this after reading and hearing many many comments about the new fatwa (on hold at this very moment) and after being asked what do I think about it.

What is a fatwa? A quick check on Wikipedia:

A fatwā (Arabic: فتوى‎; plural fatāwā Arabic: فتاوى‎), in the Islamic faith is a religious opinion on Islamic law issued by an Islamic scholar

How does it work? Again, according to Wikipedia:
According to the usul al-fiqh (principles of jurisprudence), the fatwa must meet the following conditions in order to be valid:
** The fatwa is in line with relevant legal proofs, deduced from Qur'anic verses and hadiths; provided the ahadith was not later abrogated by Muhammad.
**It is issued by a person (or a board) having due knowledge and sincerity of heart;
**It is free from individual opportunism, and not depending on political servitude;
**It is adequate with the needs of the contemporary world.

What is Yoga?
Yoga (Sanskrit: योग, IAST: yóga, IPA: [joːgə]) refers to traditional physical and mental disciplines originating in India; to the goal achieved by those disciplines; and to one of the six orthodox (āstika) schools of Hindu philosophy.[1][2]

The definition of Yoga is rather elaborate but all pointing towards Hinduism.

I am not a Yogi (a person who practise Yoga). I was... I took the class for a few months then I stopped. Nothing to do with religion or faith, but merely because the class always ended way after the schedule making me late to pick up my son from school. My experience in Yoga - it does have some mantra that you have to utter while doing it but to me it's a matter of between you and God. Whether you really mean it or not. Then again when I was doing it, I did feel a little uncomfortable to be saying those mantras! Even though it may only mean the positions of your body.

But the real question here is.. why this sudden fatwa came about? It has been practised in Malaysia for so so long. Did people just realised this? Or did some pious person joined Yoga and suddenly thought .. oopss.. maybe I should bring this up and save all the muslims from being deviants? I respect the decision, but why just Yoga? How about all other acts than can deviate Muslims from their faith? From my readings and discussions on this, this new fatwa has created a lot of confusion among the non-Muslims who lacks the knowlegde about the religion.

To me .. Islam is simple. You follow the Quran. What is being said in the Quran is the truth to the Muslims. You should stop doing whatever that would stray you away from your faith, and you should not do whatever that is haram as stated in the Quran. Same as Yoga, if you think it deviates from your faith then it IS haram. But do we need a fatwa on it? It's the same like zina (pre-marital sex), it clearly HARAM, but is there a fatwa? How about tomboy and lesbian, why need fatwa when the Quran clearly said it's a BIG no no? And there's aurat, how come there's no fatwa saying that not covering your aurat is Haram when it is clearly so. How about those who goes clubbing, drinking and socialising between men and women who are not muhrim? I can go on with my list of things that should be fatwa-ed if they can start having a fatwa on one.

It's the inconsistencies that people are making noise of. You ban one thing and yet others you close one eye. Yoga is one of it, and some people think it's harmless. The same as when they say Malaysia is an Islamic country, I'd say.. I don't think so. There are too many un-islamic things that are allowed in this country. Why bother announcing it Islamic in the first place?

I hope the people are smart enough to decide on this. A muslim, not an orthodox Muslim nor liberal Muslim or whatever Muslim you may want to call yourself, is a Muslim, you believe only One God, and there's only One Quran. None other.

I'm not trying to be the subject matter expert but just stating my views. Please correct me if I am wrong about the fatwas again!

Oh please help..

My hands are so itchy to tap the keyboard, my head is brimming with things to write, and my heart is screaming that I need to let go! It's like an suppressed thing in your body wanting to go out and yet it just stayed there. Heheh! It's just an entry in a blog.. what the heck. I just want to write... let go of what's in my head and my heart but I have neither the time nor the resources to do it.

I'm loaded with office work that I can no longer write an entry during breaks. Eheh.. I know I'm not supposed to write an entry during office hours! And at home it's another story altogether. I'm fighting to use the computer with Irsyad who now spends his holidays playing on-line games with his friends!! I can't believe it.. ! He now knows how to chat using YM. He's in front of the PC the minute he got home from his agama school in the morning. The PC will be on until bedtime. The rest of his siblings can only stand AROUND him watching him play. And this is only coming to the SECOND week of the school holidays! Eussuv and Syasya were also not happy at all with because they couldn't get their hands on the computer without Irsyad screaming NO at them.. and they couldn't get Irsyad to play with them on whatever off-line games (like skipping, cards, or simply their usual "siblings" concert that they sometimes have!). And Mommy also.. at the same time, is having a rather "mild heart attack" looking at this situation. But thanks to Daddy, starting this week, they will have a roster of who can use the computer at what time. BUT.. Mommy's name is not included in the roster! Wuahhhhahah..

I need my router back!!! Gone were the days that I can sit quietly tapping away my laptop while the kids asleep. I lost the router to the lightning and it never regained conciousness nor did I make any inititative to replace it.. perhaps this is the time..

And this is one entry of no substance... just purely heart pouring..

Facing the music

The more I think about it, the surer I get of my decision to stay at home. Even though I'm getting some confusing, scary thoughts about it.

These are the things making me glad of my decision:
1) Office workload and office politics getting worse than usual. Dissatisfaction everywhere. "Injustice" everywhere...
2) Kids wanting more and more of my attention.
3) The lesser time I have for myself!
4) My maid is getting more and more efficient as though the house is hers.. and I become lazier to do anything in the house
5) The frequent time off I need to take from work due to trips to the pedic or trips to schools..

But there are also things that make me go hmmmmmm ..maybe I should reconsider?
1) My indecisiveness and ficklemindedness (if there's such word) over what to do after I "retire"... surely I can't sit pretty and do nothing.. surely I got bored!
2) The lilttle patience I have with the kids..
3) Some friends asking me "are you sure you want to do this?" ... errrr...
4) The financial hiccup that is sure to come.. make do with whatever we have? Sure.. but how about shortage?

Both list can go on. But in my heart.. how scary I got, how not sure I am .. I am very sure that I want to go through it. I'm quite determined to at least try. And I really really hope, it will work out eventually. The biggest hurdle and worry will be the financial part, but hey.. who doesn't have financial problems?? There must be a way to resolve it if you play the cards right.

I pray hard for this to go well. With all the support I could get.. I will face the music.. dancing!

Nostalgic

I'm feeling a bit nostalgic today. Since last nite actually.

I'm driving back to my hometown tomorrow with the kids with an extra helping hand, my nephew A. And this nostalgic feeling is because of A. I looked after him for a while when he was one year old after the passing of his young mom due a tragic incident. He was in there too but his life was spared. He is a healthy and, rather cheeky, 15 year old boy now. My very first "son"!

I still have the "soft-spot" for him these days. Never forget his birthdays and any other important days of his life. From a young cute boy, and very much pitied-for for the loss of his mom, he has grown to young handsome man. And tomorow, he's gonna be my co-pilot and entertain the kids while I drive! How time flies!

Semoga Allah mencucuri roh A's mom. Amin.

GP vs Pedic

GP = General Practitioner
Pedic = Pediatrician

Having 4 kids, among other zillion things, also meant numerous numerous trips to the clinics and hospitals. Specialists and non-specialists. Some short wait and some long wait. All these experiences have made me sometimes acted through instinct on which doctor should I visit, or which clinic and doctor should I go to or ban! I now have my own favorite doctors. I know the prescriptions by name, I sometimes prescribe them on my own.. based on experience and some research on the internet. Sometimes it works sometimes it doesn't. But of course I don't go overboard! Like I never prescribe antibiotics for them like some mothers would!

Most of the time, I would bring the kids to a pediatrician if they are below one year old. Simply because I think a pedic treats a child better than a GP. They handle the kids better since they are trained to do so I guess. And also they explain better. But of course I have met a mean pedic who would glare at babies and prescribed the strongest dose of medication! But most of the pedic I met are nice ones. There are also nice and experienced GP who's had many kids as patients.. but I am still comfortable with a pedic.

There's this one GP who scolded me because he couldn't handle a crying baby Irsyad, "you see, how can I check him like this?" he said with an angry tone towards me. How am I supposed to know.. you are the doctor!

And there's this lady doctor who raised her eyebrow and shook her head when I told her Eussuv was still breast-fed at the age of 2 (at that time) and said "don't you think he's too old already to be breastfed?" .. and that came from a lady doctor who's supposed to support breastfeeding! And by the way, she's a gynae operating a GP clinic. For this one, it's not about being a GP or a pedic, but being a doctor itself. Aren't you supposed to be supportive?

I try to stick to only one pedic and one GP these days. Just to make sure they have our health history. Since they are 4 of them, I would try my trusted GP first. Then if their sickness prolong then only I bring them to the pedic. Most of the time, the pedic's prescriptions works better, not necessarily faster. Of course a GP would be a cheaper choice.. but who wants to compromise a child's health? While I still can afford it! I pray hard all of them will stay healthy and there will not be the day when I have to compromise their health to $$$$!

Not trying to generalise doctors.. just telling my stories!

Ear Infection

Ear infection is something common among children, and even sometimes adults. But not all children will get it. And I think some kids are more prone to it as compared to others. I will write this based on my own experience.. not as a doctor as I'm definitely not one.

The symptoms are just high fever and ear-ache. This is easier detected if your child can explain where the pain is. But for babies or toddlers who can barely speak, you can suspect through the high fever and a non-stop screaming and wailing! From the pediatrician's explaination, this infection is very very painful for kids. Thus the screaming and wailing.

The treatment for the fever and pain is simple, paracetamol or any pain killers for kids. But for the infection, probably antibiotics as prescribed by your pediatrician. Though I read in one website about ear infection which says antibiotics is not always required for it, believe me.. the doctor always prescribed one.

I had to face a few rounds of ear infection with my kids. Irsyad had one when he was three.. he had high fever and was screaming in pain. Being first time mother, I had no idea what to do except to bring him to an emergency at the wee hour of the morning. Only to be told he had ear infection. The doctor inserted "the bullet" into his anus.. and prescribed some antibiotics. He was OK the very next day.

Eussuv had it worst at 2 years old. His fever was really high that he was babbling nonsense. I panicked.. brought him to an emergency and this time at a Government hospital because it was a Sunday nite and that was the nearest hospital. They admitted him.. stayed there for 3 nites with very little improvement on his fever. Only the fourth day they found out that it was JUST ear infection. My usual pediatrician could have detected it in seconds!!! Not to say anything about government hospitals, but really... 3-4 days to detect an ear infection??

Eussuv had another round of the infection just recently at the age of 8! So I was wrong to think that it could only happened to babies and toddlers. I suspected it could be ear infection when he complained of ear pain just before he went to sleep and followed by fever the very next day. Brought him to a GP and this is the exact words of the GP - "Ear infection is very dangerous. It's in the middle ear. Rather close to the brain. There's only one thin line separating it from the brain. So we have to be very careful. We don't want to the infection goes to the brain.. you know what it means!".. Boy, was I scared!! And for that he gave me one "good" antibiotic (his words again.. GOOD ANTIBIOTIC). We've had this antibiotic before for other infection, you only take it once a day for three days. So I was satisfied.
But Eussuv did not recover for the next three days. He was tired, sleepy, no apetite and still feverish. So I had to bring him to our usual pediatrician. His ear infection is still there. I told the doctor that he already finished a round of antibiotic (I mentioned the name of this GOOD antibiotic). And guess what the doctor said. "Oh that antibiotic is not suitable for ear infection.." HAH" What can I say.. we learn something new everyday? He is fully recovered after a few days. I hope he won't get infected again.

Oh.. and what's the cause of the infection? Both doctors said it's due to a backflow of cold into your ears. When you blow your nose too hard, the mucus goes into the ears and stay here, thus causing the bacteria to develop. So .. next time you or your kids have cold, don't blow too hard.

I hope Syasya and Omar will not experience the pain of ear infection. It will be painful for them.. and sleepless nites for me!!

You can read more, official information on Ear infection here. http://www.patient.co.uk/showdoc/23068797/

Holiday for kids... not so holiday for mom

Exams are over. The year end school holiday is here. As much as I'm glad school is over, I wish I'm at home to enjoy the holidays with them. I would have a lot of plans for them if I'm not working.
-I would balik kampung and stay there for a week..
-I would send them for any seminars or owrkshop for kids..
-I would simply stay at home and cook for them.. and watch over them..
-They could play outside since Mummy is at home (no one is allowed outside the gate if Mummy is not at home!)
-I would go out for a movie or simply lepak at the mall (really??) ..
-Go cycling in the park..

Oh how nice to dream...
Perhaps next year?

While the holiday is really here.. the auditors will be here as well.. in my office.. thus.. no time off, no leave for the next two weeks. Patience.. patience.. this is one last one! 7 more weeks to go. Will make it up the next school holidays where I'll be free free free... (I really do pray so!)

Have a good school break everybody!!

Of Syasya and Adam

Syasya and Adam are best of friends. They first met at Eussuv's birthday party late 2007. Adam is the little brother of Alif, Eussuv's good friend from his agama school. Alif came to the birthday party with his family including parents, and two little brothers, Adam and Aiman. Aiman is the same age as Omar. From then onwards, we become family friends. The family of 3 boys is such a lovely, well-mannered family with a beautiful and soft spoken lady of the house.

OK back to Syasya and Adam, they hit it off instantly when they first met. Adam is rather a shy boy but seemed to be very friendly towards Syasya. In January 2008 they went to the same pre-school. This is where the friendship develop. Syasya was a bit apprehensive at first going to a new school and meeting new people. But with Adam around, she adapted quite well. Eventually, they became inseparable! Syasya will not sit with anybody else but Adam, and vice versa. For any activities in the class, the teacher had to pair them together.. otherwise, one will not move! They do have other friends, but they will still be around each other. They are like a support pillar to each other. When either one is absent, they will call each other to ask why.. and say.. "you must come to school tomorrow ok..." Cute huh!

And.. here they are. Looking very playful.. like true friends.. I hope they will remain friends for a long time. I hope they will remember each other when they grow up.. And I hope they will value their friendship just as I value mine...

How?

How do one control his/her anger?
How do one de-stress?
How do one has so much patience?

If there's no anger, no stress and lots of patience, the world would be a perfect world to live in...
There'd be no violence, no crime, lots of love...

Then again ... life will be so dull.. no ups and downs..

The beauty of life is in its colors.. white, black or grey.. they are still colors but adding blue, green, purple and red will make it perfect!

40 tips for a better life

I decided to cut and paste these tips which I got in my mailbox some time ago. To be shared with my fellow bloggers as well as readers. Take note: these are only tips.. you might have more, and you may not agree with some..

Here they are:

1. Take a 10-30 minutes walk every day. And while you walk, smile.
2. Sit in silence for at least 10 minutes each day.
3. Sleep for 7 hours.
4. Live with the 3 E's -- Energy, Enthusiasm, and Empathy.
5. Play more games..
6. Read more books than you did in 2007.
7. Make time to practice meditation, yoga, and prayer. They provide us with daily fuel for our busy lives.
8. Spend time with people over the age of 70 & under the age of 6.
9. Dream more while you are awake.
10. Eat more foods that grow on trees and plants and eat less food that is manufactured in plants.
11. Drink plenty of water.
12. Try to make at least three people smile each day.
13. Don't waste your precious energy on gossip.
14. Forget issues of the past. Don't remind your partner with his/her mistakes of the past. That will ruin your present happiness.
15. Don't have negative thoughts or things you cannot control. Instead invest your energy in the positive present moment.
16. Realize that life is a school and you are here to learn. Problems are simply part of the curriculum that appear and fade away like algebra class but the lessons you learn will last a lifetime.
17. Eat breakfast like a king, lunch like a prince and dinner like a beggar.
18. Smile and laugh more.
19. Life is too short to waste time hating anyone. Don't hate others.
20. Don't take yourself so seriously. No one else does.
21. You don't have to win every argument. Agree to disagree.
22. Make peace with your past so it won't spoil the present.
23. Don't compare your life to others'. You have no idea what their journey is all about. Don't compare your partner with others.
24. No one is in charge of your happiness except you.
25. Forgive everyone for everything.
26. What other people think of you is none of your business.
27. GOD ! heals everything.
28. However good or bad a situation is, it will change.
29. Your job won't take care of you when you are sick. Your friends will. Stay in touch.
30. Get rid of anything that isn't useful, beautiful or joyful.
31. Envy is a waste of time. You already have all you need.
32. The best is yet to come.
33. No matter how you feel, get up, dress up and show up.
34. Do the right thing!
35. Call your family often.
36. Your inner most is always happy. So be happy.
37. Each day give something good to others.
38. Don't over do. Keep your limits.
39. When you awake alive in the morning, thank GOD for it.
40. Share these tips with everyone you care about.

I would also like to add some:
41. Cherish the moment.. not the past nor the future
42. Love unconditionally

Live life the way they are. You are in charge of your own life, emotional and physical being!

My growing up boy

Irsyad turned 10 last July. How time flies! I still remembered his face the first moment I saw him fresh from my tummy. And now he is 10. He has turned out to be such a wonderful boy though having bouts of tantrum (yeap still!). Instead of still being "my baby", he has become an individual on his own, having his own needs and wants.. no longer needing his mommy around. It's rather sad.

Hey.. wait a minute.. he's only 10! How come I have all this feeling? Of course he still needs mommy around! Perhaps he has changed so much this year that makes me feel this way. These are the obvious change:

1) Refuse to wear any cartoon character t-shirts or PJs. No more Superman or Ultraman. Would only wear those abstract t-shirt or with "cool" words on it.. like "Quicksilver" or "BAM", "GAP".. or cool phrases like "My life rules..." or the likes.
2) Loves jeans and t-shirt for outing.. no more slack.. (slack is considered "nerdy"!).. he hated jeans last year and wud only wear slack! Short shorts is a big no no except for Bermudas
3) Shirt and pants.. must match in colors.. has become very color coordinated!
4) Started chatting on YM with friends.. and wud invte all friend to be on YM. This... is a bit scary, I must always be watching
5) Search for real songs (like Letto) on YouTube instead of Ultraman, Ben10 or Digimon
6) Think Std 2 kids are small KIDs!!
7) Stay up late for movies or simply YM.. and wake up late.. (this is a no no really.. the latest I allow is 10am)
8) Cannot live without his handphone!

And the list can go on and on!

I did not really notice this as I treat them all the same.. my babies. But with all these changes, I have to treat him differently. One is because to ensure that he understands that I understand him, thus he will not stray away from me as his MOM and start seeking for his friends' advice instead! I have to be his friend as well! Two, because to let him grow and develop as a "good" teenager with our guidance. To guide him to face the cruel world outside. Perhaps he's not quite there yet but a strong foundation shouldbe instilled from now on.

There are too many social ills out there involving youth these days and it really scares me. I can only guide my children to some point of their life, after that their lives is in their own hands. Without a strong foundation of faith, good values and partly education, they can easily get strayed away.

Having said that, I believe I myself must change my parenting style to suit the age. We have to behave accordingly to their age as well. Treat them as an individual.. no longer the baby we carry in our arms.. but rather the one we guide with our hands and heart.

I hope I will be the "abled" parent to do this... now for Irsyad and later for the rest of his siblings. Nevertheless, no matter how old they are.. they are still my "babies" in my heart!