Tuesday, November 18, 2008

Facing the music

The more I think about it, the surer I get of my decision to stay at home. Even though I'm getting some confusing, scary thoughts about it.

These are the things making me glad of my decision:
1) Office workload and office politics getting worse than usual. Dissatisfaction everywhere. "Injustice" everywhere...
2) Kids wanting more and more of my attention.
3) The lesser time I have for myself!
4) My maid is getting more and more efficient as though the house is hers.. and I become lazier to do anything in the house
5) The frequent time off I need to take from work due to trips to the pedic or trips to schools..

But there are also things that make me go hmmmmmm ..maybe I should reconsider?
1) My indecisiveness and ficklemindedness (if there's such word) over what to do after I "retire"... surely I can't sit pretty and do nothing.. surely I got bored!
2) The lilttle patience I have with the kids..
3) Some friends asking me "are you sure you want to do this?" ... errrr...
4) The financial hiccup that is sure to come.. make do with whatever we have? Sure.. but how about shortage?

Both list can go on. But in my heart.. how scary I got, how not sure I am .. I am very sure that I want to go through it. I'm quite determined to at least try. And I really really hope, it will work out eventually. The biggest hurdle and worry will be the financial part, but hey.. who doesn't have financial problems?? There must be a way to resolve it if you play the cards right.

I pray hard for this to go well. With all the support I could get.. I will face the music.. dancing!

8 comments:

mamachupan said...

Toyah, I think as long as there will be enough money for necessities, then everything will be ok. You will not get bored, that's for sure. I know aa is never bored, his days are filled with a lot of things. U can start some new projects, if you find that u really have a lot of free time. And nothing is permanent and inreversible (spelling) so if it turned out wrong, surely u can make new plans. I think u are going to be just fine!

SabrinaWM said...

congrats on the big move! Wish i had the courage like u. The driving force will keep yr momentum, u'll never get bored

anne said...

mamachuppan is right. it's great to start listing down how you'd like to live your life on daily, weekly, monthly...basis once you "retires".

Start thinking how you can start writing..

But equally important, don't forget to keep some time aside for peace, medication, reflection or simply do nothing!

Yusni MJ said...

I have been doing it for 3 months already. Things are not as what you will expect.

It's a chaos!
It's tiring!

You have ton of things to do and not getting paid for doing them.

You will be with your kids 24x7 really really be with them in happiness, in tantrum, in crying and etc etc etc

You dont earn any money

You have less time to socialize with grown up adults.

You are cut out from the social circle.

The above is so so so true.

You began to wander whether are you insane for making such a drastic decision at the end of the 1st month. After you have finished resting, you will wonder what the heck am I doing.

I am painting the actual picture, hopes you can get the right expectation on what is coming for you by next year.

But I will not trade the above for any hot shot career.

No pain no gain, right!

Now you know what to expect, just do it and I know after a couple of months, you will find the answer to what you are looking for.

The hardest is to make that change. Listen to your heart it's your true calling.

Mommy dearie said...

All,
Thanks for your support, words of encouragement and "warning".
I mostly want to hear what Yus has got to say becos she's done it first! I will definitely go through it first and take up the challenge. I guess strategy is important, expectation should be managed and of course, follow my heart! You will read my update on this January onwards...
Yus, I hope things will get better.. you need to re-strategise perhaps?

Yusni MJ said...

Toyah,

Hopes this reach your attention. Prepare to expect the worst. Being with your children 24x7 can really test you patience to the max. Then the house chores (for me because I have got no maid). After a while, you realize something else, the freedom. This is when you will come to term with your decision and know in your heart this is the right thing to do.

But before you can get there, you will have doubt, question your decision and etc. To help you through that, make sure you have a time off daily just for you no interruption from the kids. This is the space you need to be alone and enjoy the moment.

I have come to term with my decision and adjust my expectation and loving my life back. I was lost in the world and not finding my purpose until recently.

Only when your mind is free you will be able to think of many other possibility in life.

You will soon find what you want to do for yourself. You will "find you".

I certainly did. Now I am looking forward for the next 30 years of my life with bigger and exciting things. I wouldn't be such excited if not for the peace of mind I have acquired ever since I have left my employment.

I am able to re strategize and think what I want to do next.

As for the family, they are much happier and contempt than before. We don't realize what we have missed until in a different situation or circumstances, we might be fortunate to have a clue.

Doing what you are about to do in January will provide you the avenue to see what has been missing in your life. It will change you and make you appreciate your life more.

The catch is you have to go through the headache and heartache staying at home which really really really challenging. Then one fine day you will see the light at the end of the tunnel.

Insyallah.

Remember, no pain no gain!

cayoi said...

cik e, aku pun tak tau sama atau tak hal kita ni sbb reason a mother dgn single mcm aku ni nak resign rsnya tak serupa. org single mcm aku ni mak aku ckp mengada aje yg lbh...

cayoi said...

my super advice is once benda2 resign ni dah stuck kat kepala, do not hesitate, proceed and i strongly believe if niat kita tu utk family, InsyaAllah dipermudahkan..