I went to a pasar malam for some food to break my fast yesterday evening. I stopped by at this stall selling all kinds of rice by a couple who has 3 kids. These kids are between 1-5 years old. How did I know? I asked! Why did I bother? Because they were all there playing around happily under the evening sun, AND around a deep frying pan drizzling with fried chicken in it!!!! Woahhh.. ! I was so scared of them that I watched them all the time I was there! I was so scared if any one of them especially the one-year-old tripped over the pan, GOSH!! And the parents were so busy with the customers.. but once in a while they would call out for the kids to "behave". At one point the two older kids sat on a stool (adult size) with their legs hanging down, then the little sister also wanted to do the same. Again, I was on the brink of saying.. no.. don't put her on it.. she's too small to be on the stool and can easily fall down. But upon her whining, her father scooped her and put her on the stool. And true enough, just a few minutes she just simply jumped from the stool, and fell down on the tarred road. And amazingly.. she DID NOT cry. I made a remark to the mother of how tough her little girl was. And the mother replied, yeah she's very tough.. and very active! After that the father scooped her again, this time onto a stroller.. phewhhh.. what a relief.. away from the frying pan!
The whole time then I was thinking, this is one tough family, a rather young couple with 3 small kids, selling rice to make their living and raising the kids. These kids are tough kids, they basically spend their time not in a comfort of a house but under the sun and the moon, or maybe in their parents' van. They are oh so exposed to lots of things, dangerous things like the frying pan (THIS really give me a loud and fast heartbeat!!), strangers in the market, god knows what in the drain near the stall, and possibly virus in the air! There is no comfort of a bed for their afternoon nap, no cooling fan, no freshing up since late evening to nite, and toilet... where is the toilet in pasar malams?? And what time is their bed time if their parents are there until maybe 10pm? And yet.. these kids survived and they are the tough ones. And their parents are tough parents too! To have the heart bringing the kids, and exposing them to all sort of things.. just to make ends meet! I pray that nothing bad will happen to them and wish they will have better lives (then again who am I to judge whether they have a bad life!!)
When I see and think of all these, I tend to feel so lucky for myself and my children. To have all the comfort of life and to be able to raise my kids not in the "hard" environment. And making sure they have the best of things. I really hope that my kids would be able to appreciate the comfort that we've given them without complaining so much. I hope someday they would understand the pain, the hardship that other kids go through.
Perhaps one way to teach them to be more appreciative is by showing them the hardship experienced by other people, or let them feel what it's like for a while or so (send them out on the streets??).
Thursday, July 31, 2008
Wednesday, July 30, 2008
My baby is 10!
Irsyad turned 10 last week. I couldn't believe it! He is one BIG boy.. he was our first joy (now we have 4 joys). I can still remember the day I delivered him. I believe everybody has "a sentimental" feeling for their firstborn. He/she is the first of everything that you do as a parent. In fact I think it's not too much to say that the firstborn is the most previleged but very experimental. He gets all new things, he has the most pictures in your album, he gets the most of your attention as a baby, and naturally you practise perfection following all the guides in the book as you are still learning as a parent. And as a result, firstborn normally would be a perfectionist.
As in the case of my firstborn, he is everything of a firstborn that I described above. We want the best for him when he was a baby, we try everything on the book on him. And the results is very encouraging. He is one "good" son - very proper, follow "the rules" accordingly, mature, well liked by friends, doing well in his academics (very competitive too!), as well as VAIN!! And this is one case of perfection I have to mention. This VAIN thing is sometimes killing me. He would change his t-shirt if there's one drop of drinks or whatever that stained his t-shirt .. no matter how small, or it's just plain water. He would arrange his bookshelf nicely and neatly all the time (even if it means messing up other ppl's bookshelf!). He will not wear pyjamas out of the house. He will make sure his hair is nicely combed, his shoes is shiny, and his bag is clean - before going to school. Everything must be in order and perfect. Even though all these are good practise, sometimes it just drives me nuts!!!
As opposed to 8 year-old Eussuv who is the total opposite, he couldn't care less about anything as long as he gets to play whatever he wants to play. And he doesn't even care if the whole t-shirt that he's wearing is stained to the max! This one is a result of us the parents kinda know what being a parent is like after having the first one. So you kinda relax a bit on "the rules". It is proven that the kind of parents you are really shape your children's character.
Back to my firstborn, I hope he will be the exemplary lead to his siblings as he already is now. And my wish for him that he becomes the soleh son and the successful one, both in the world and akhirat. Amin.
As in the case of my firstborn, he is everything of a firstborn that I described above. We want the best for him when he was a baby, we try everything on the book on him. And the results is very encouraging. He is one "good" son - very proper, follow "the rules" accordingly, mature, well liked by friends, doing well in his academics (very competitive too!), as well as VAIN!! And this is one case of perfection I have to mention. This VAIN thing is sometimes killing me. He would change his t-shirt if there's one drop of drinks or whatever that stained his t-shirt .. no matter how small, or it's just plain water. He would arrange his bookshelf nicely and neatly all the time (even if it means messing up other ppl's bookshelf!). He will not wear pyjamas out of the house. He will make sure his hair is nicely combed, his shoes is shiny, and his bag is clean - before going to school. Everything must be in order and perfect. Even though all these are good practise, sometimes it just drives me nuts!!!
As opposed to 8 year-old Eussuv who is the total opposite, he couldn't care less about anything as long as he gets to play whatever he wants to play. And he doesn't even care if the whole t-shirt that he's wearing is stained to the max! This one is a result of us the parents kinda know what being a parent is like after having the first one. So you kinda relax a bit on "the rules". It is proven that the kind of parents you are really shape your children's character.
Back to my firstborn, I hope he will be the exemplary lead to his siblings as he already is now. And my wish for him that he becomes the soleh son and the successful one, both in the world and akhirat. Amin.
Stressed mom..
I read a few articles on raising happy kids. I even bought a book on this. The reason being? At one point of time (ok.. even now) I was so stressed taking care of them that I shout at them a lot. And I know the results of me shouting at them - they will follow suit, shouting at each other, or at me. Also I'm creating an unhealthy environment for them to live in, as in they might become "depressed" children, then it will effect their childhood, their development as a baby to toddler to kids then to teenager. It may definitely develop their character! All these made me shrink with fear. True enough, what I fear is definitely listed in the books and articles. Yeah, as if I don't know the effect of shouting at kids to begin with.. it's just that, you know when you are angry, the anger just enveloped you and you just forget about everything else and voila.. you are on top of your lungs. And when it's over, you feel like banging your head on the wall with guilt on what you have done. But then again it's too late.. the damage is done. This happened over and over again that I'm afraid now that it already has set some characters in them. Though I believe it's not too late to change.
Perhaps I should go some counselling session?? I may have all the love in the world, but i think I lack the patience... very much lacking in that!
But somehow.. apart from the "shouting sessions", according to the articles, I'm doing quite well in raising happy kids. Hmmmhh... I do have all the "5 languages of love" applied to my kids. What are these 5 languages of love? Don't have it now in my head but it's one of those things that you should have to raise happy kids. Might post it here one of these days. And are my kids happy kids? Yeah .. at some level. Then again, what's the definition of happy kids?
Perhaps I should go some counselling session?? I may have all the love in the world, but i think I lack the patience... very much lacking in that!
But somehow.. apart from the "shouting sessions", according to the articles, I'm doing quite well in raising happy kids. Hmmmhh... I do have all the "5 languages of love" applied to my kids. What are these 5 languages of love? Don't have it now in my head but it's one of those things that you should have to raise happy kids. Might post it here one of these days. And are my kids happy kids? Yeah .. at some level. Then again, what's the definition of happy kids?
Friday, July 25, 2008
What does it take to be a parent?
I remember asking my sister how do I take care of my baby if I have one (I have none at that moment). And this is what she said "easy, if he's wet you change him, if he's hungry you feed him, and if he's sleepy, you put him to sleep". Oh.. it's as simple as that? Yeahhhh.. it's as simple as that PLUS millions of other things....
And even now, after having 4 kids, I still ask myself, what does it take to be a parent because most of the time I think I'm not good enough as a parent. So this is what I came up with based on my experience:
1) Love - LOTS and LOTS and LOTS of love ... and you have to show them, shower them with love. It's not material things, it's not money.. it's just feelings.. and these feelings must be shown. Research and statistics have shown that children who grew up surrounded by love are better persons, more sucessful in life and have greater self confidence.
Believe me, there are people who have children but never loved them under some circumstances!
2) Patience - Kids are god's greatest gifts and challenge. With them you feel the joy, at the same time you have to endure some pain . As such you must be strong and patient to face whatever coming your way from them. When they are babies and toddlers, you have to endure their tantrums and sleepless nights, and when they are teenagers you have to deal with their unpredictable behaviors in searching their true identity, and when they are adults, you have to be diplomatic enough to treat them as another adult knowing that they were once babies! And all throughout their phases of life, you have to be there. It is a long joyous and meaningful journey, with some pain here and there no doubt! And this really require lots and lots of patience.
These are the 2 most important ones that I can think of. The rest I believe would come naturally becos LOVE would conquer all. You would do research of their sickness, you would find out about about their medications (and remembering the medication names and purpose). You will buy parenting books, you will want to cook for them.. and do and learn everything else in the world in relation to children. With the feeling of love of your children, you will do anything for them. You will change to a better person insyaAllah.
There are many guides and tips on being a parent, how to treat your kids, how to educate them, how feed them, even how to potty train them. But at the end of the day, it's all about how YOU do it. Each child is unique thus some tips may and may not work for them. Only you can decide what's best to raise your children depending in your environment.
There's no right or wrong parent, they are just different parents.
So what does it take to be a parent, just be yourself with lotsa love to give away!
And even now, after having 4 kids, I still ask myself, what does it take to be a parent because most of the time I think I'm not good enough as a parent. So this is what I came up with based on my experience:
1) Love - LOTS and LOTS and LOTS of love ... and you have to show them, shower them with love. It's not material things, it's not money.. it's just feelings.. and these feelings must be shown. Research and statistics have shown that children who grew up surrounded by love are better persons, more sucessful in life and have greater self confidence.
Believe me, there are people who have children but never loved them under some circumstances!
2) Patience - Kids are god's greatest gifts and challenge. With them you feel the joy, at the same time you have to endure some pain . As such you must be strong and patient to face whatever coming your way from them. When they are babies and toddlers, you have to endure their tantrums and sleepless nights, and when they are teenagers you have to deal with their unpredictable behaviors in searching their true identity, and when they are adults, you have to be diplomatic enough to treat them as another adult knowing that they were once babies! And all throughout their phases of life, you have to be there. It is a long joyous and meaningful journey, with some pain here and there no doubt! And this really require lots and lots of patience.
These are the 2 most important ones that I can think of. The rest I believe would come naturally becos LOVE would conquer all. You would do research of their sickness, you would find out about about their medications (and remembering the medication names and purpose). You will buy parenting books, you will want to cook for them.. and do and learn everything else in the world in relation to children. With the feeling of love of your children, you will do anything for them. You will change to a better person insyaAllah.
There are many guides and tips on being a parent, how to treat your kids, how to educate them, how feed them, even how to potty train them. But at the end of the day, it's all about how YOU do it. Each child is unique thus some tips may and may not work for them. Only you can decide what's best to raise your children depending in your environment.
There's no right or wrong parent, they are just different parents.
So what does it take to be a parent, just be yourself with lotsa love to give away!
Thursday, July 24, 2008
Passion (an entry with no passion)
Blogging could be a passion. If it's a passion, you don't even have to try hard to think of what to write. Some write beautifully and you just want to read on and on. Some thinks they write real good stuff and keep on writing (even though the truth is, what they write is crap!), and some just write because they just want to write. Just like me.
Ever since I declare that I love to write and start writing, I feel like, hey I can't write at all!! I keep comparing my writing with other people. And I think I'm one of those who write craps!! And not even good at it. Well maybe not so crap, just boring stuff.
Where has all the passion gone? Perhaps I need some boost... boost of writing, boost of morale, boost of ego.. and all sorts ...
Oh well... WHO CARES anyways!!
ps: I must be in one of those moods.. I'm starting to write real crap!
Ever since I declare that I love to write and start writing, I feel like, hey I can't write at all!! I keep comparing my writing with other people. And I think I'm one of those who write craps!! And not even good at it. Well maybe not so crap, just boring stuff.
Where has all the passion gone? Perhaps I need some boost... boost of writing, boost of morale, boost of ego.. and all sorts ...
Oh well... WHO CARES anyways!!
ps: I must be in one of those moods.. I'm starting to write real crap!
Monday, July 21, 2008
Malaysian Style...
How time flies.. I haven't been writing for a week. I thought I'd take a break.. but I got carried away with office work. And my, a few things has happened within a week. Oh nothing major, just little things that made you more aware of things that are happening all around you.
I learnt a few things or two about the internet. First, I would say the internet age population in Malaysia is between 20-30. This I found out from some of the websites that I visited and registered myself in. Why I made that assumption? The language the used. You can sort of tell the age from the language that they used. The youngsters like to use the "hype" language.. the happening ones, more of slang rather than actual language, be it Malay or English. As opposed to the "elderly" (in the category of 35 and above) who would use a lot more proper language. That's my observation and assumption .. you are more than welcome to comment. And then of course, if they don't know if you are Malay, it's OK to communicate in English.. but once they know you are just another Malay, woaaaaa the language and the tone would change drastically. As if it's a BIG sin to speak English to another Malay. THIS, is beyond me!! I just don't understand!!!
Most of the websites/ blogs are also by the youngsters.. perhaps the internet is the IN thing these days and part of their entertainment. There's good and bad in it of course. I for one encouraged my kids to be part of the Internet community, to get the better part of the technology revolution. Then again I monitor strictly the hours they are on the Net. I don't want them to be computer geeks! They are too young to be losing their time just to the Net. I would prefer them to enjoy their childhood in the nature i.e have fun in the park, play footbal, cycling, camping etc. And thank God up to now, they prefer the nature!
I was also surprised to see the non-existence of a local parenting portal. I've been subscribing to a number of US or UK based websites on parenting. So I looked for a similar website that is locally hosted and perhaps with some local tips on parenting applicable to Asian and Muslim. There's none! I'm quite surprised. Maybe there are but I have yet to come accross it. I know there are a lot of websites selling baby, maternity or mom products. But none on informative comprehensive parenting portal. Hmmm.. that's an idea by itself. Not for the uniqueness, but for the need to be fulfilled.
So perhaps, I should invite more "elderly" to join me in the Malaysian information highway....
I learnt a few things or two about the internet. First, I would say the internet age population in Malaysia is between 20-30. This I found out from some of the websites that I visited and registered myself in. Why I made that assumption? The language the used. You can sort of tell the age from the language that they used. The youngsters like to use the "hype" language.. the happening ones, more of slang rather than actual language, be it Malay or English. As opposed to the "elderly" (in the category of 35 and above) who would use a lot more proper language. That's my observation and assumption .. you are more than welcome to comment. And then of course, if they don't know if you are Malay, it's OK to communicate in English.. but once they know you are just another Malay, woaaaaa the language and the tone would change drastically. As if it's a BIG sin to speak English to another Malay. THIS, is beyond me!! I just don't understand!!!
Most of the websites/ blogs are also by the youngsters.. perhaps the internet is the IN thing these days and part of their entertainment. There's good and bad in it of course. I for one encouraged my kids to be part of the Internet community, to get the better part of the technology revolution. Then again I monitor strictly the hours they are on the Net. I don't want them to be computer geeks! They are too young to be losing their time just to the Net. I would prefer them to enjoy their childhood in the nature i.e have fun in the park, play footbal, cycling, camping etc. And thank God up to now, they prefer the nature!
I was also surprised to see the non-existence of a local parenting portal. I've been subscribing to a number of US or UK based websites on parenting. So I looked for a similar website that is locally hosted and perhaps with some local tips on parenting applicable to Asian and Muslim. There's none! I'm quite surprised. Maybe there are but I have yet to come accross it. I know there are a lot of websites selling baby, maternity or mom products. But none on informative comprehensive parenting portal. Hmmm.. that's an idea by itself. Not for the uniqueness, but for the need to be fulfilled.
So perhaps, I should invite more "elderly" to join me in the Malaysian information highway....
Friday, July 11, 2008
New craze.. self indulgence
I have a new craze. Well actually it's not new, it's something I picked up again after years and years. Reading novels. Love novels! Oh OK.. you can call me a romantic fool if you want. But really. Love novels - a good one - will give you all the feelings in the world. It will have some funny, sad, suspense, angry, happy feelings.. and the best is that romantic feelings, feel of love. I can't believe I said that!! It brings you out of this world. It's like eating chocolate and feel so heavenly.
I've been reading love novels since I was a teenager but mainly English novels. In the beginning I take it as one way to improve my English.. but over the years until my college years I kinda get hooked to it. In the early years of my working world, I start reading motivational books .. trying to "unleash the power in me".. and until now I am never away from these books which now revolving around motivational parenting.
A few months ago, out of boredom, I picked up a Malay romance novel from my sister in law.. and now I'm addicted. It really brings you out of this world 'cos sometimes it's just so unreal, but the author word it so beautifully that you think it's real, it makes you dream that it's real. It puts a smile on your lips, and tears in your eyes. The plot is sometimes simple and sometimes complicated, but again, the author made you flip the pages over and over again. I could stay up the whole night just to know the ending, which is always a beautiful, happy one.
I really salute those authors with such imagination. I don't think it's easy to come up with beautiful stories.
I've been reading love novels since I was a teenager but mainly English novels. In the beginning I take it as one way to improve my English.. but over the years until my college years I kinda get hooked to it. In the early years of my working world, I start reading motivational books .. trying to "unleash the power in me".. and until now I am never away from these books which now revolving around motivational parenting.
A few months ago, out of boredom, I picked up a Malay romance novel from my sister in law.. and now I'm addicted. It really brings you out of this world 'cos sometimes it's just so unreal, but the author word it so beautifully that you think it's real, it makes you dream that it's real. It puts a smile on your lips, and tears in your eyes. The plot is sometimes simple and sometimes complicated, but again, the author made you flip the pages over and over again. I could stay up the whole night just to know the ending, which is always a beautiful, happy one.
I really salute those authors with such imagination. I don't think it's easy to come up with beautiful stories.
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