Menyusahkan??

Me, my other half and the kids were on the way to a relative's house when this conversation took place. Talking about Irsyad a.k.a Abang, asking him if he has the interest to go to a boarding school after his UPSR.

Mom : So you think you want to go to a boarding school?
Abang : I don't know
Mom : I think you should try
Abang : Why?
Mom : Well, you'll have more friends, better environment for studying, better study discipline (not studying whike watching TV) .. etc etc
Abang : Oh really? Or is it "Abang menyusahkan korang je duduk kat rumah"??
Mom & Dad : HUHHHH???? How could you say that? We never even thought about it... never ever crossed our minds!! Bla bla la....

And he definitely had a GOOD one from me about it. It made me so sad to think that I have made hime think that he's a burden to us. How could this happen? I think I need to make myself clear to them. I definitely have to spend more time with them and let them know how much they meant to us, to me especially. And this is a PERFECT example of not being a good enough mom!

Not good enough

I always thought that I am not a "good-enough" mom. Not that I don't try, I'm ALWAYS trying. Then again, perhaps thinking that I am not good enough is good so that I'm always trying to be better. And why do I think that I'm not good enough? Oh well, a few things here and there. Like the fact that I sometimes have no patience at all with them, or thinking that I don't spend enough time with them, or even the fact that my other half sometimes thought I did not do a good job on something related to them.. etc etc.

I had a good one week break last week which I spent most of it with them, without much help from the maid. And this is what I observed:

1) Omar definitely preferred me to the maid.. and not so "tantrumatic" (if there's such word!) In normal days, he would have a lot of tantrums the minute I got back from work.. obviously trying to get more attention .. and of course testing my patience!
2) They behave better if I have more patience
3) I have more patience with them when I don't have to think about going to work! My concentration is only on them.
4) I managed them pretty well without the maid's help - though a bit kelam kabut at first..
5) They are a happier camp of children when we are around

I can go on and on.. all leading to positive behavior. I have noted this before and again. It's a proven example of how kids need us around them, well not all the time but most of the time. I guess they feel more confident and more loved. And this.. is the simple reason why I should forgo the my so-called "career" and stay with them at home...

View of life..

Have you ever thought of how much we take our life for granted? How much wealth and health we have as compared to the unfortunate ones? I shuddered to think of the sufferings of other people when I hear one and always be so so grateful to Allah for whatever that I have and don't have.

Last week I had a chat with the boys' religious school principle. Her husband had gout and I proposed to her to give her hubby some supplementary honey which has proven to cure gout. I have never had a real conversation with this lady before except just a passing how-are-you. Delivering the honey, I had a real, long conversation with her talking about many things and getting to know each other. She is one great courageous lady. She once had a tumor in her brain when was pregnant with her last child (now aged 11). She survived, the tumor gone. She has a very strong cancerous gene in her family. She even said that she has miraculously passed "the age".. means, she is 42 now and still alive. Most of her family members did not even reach 40. She also had 6 cousins who died in road accidents, and mostly she had to identify their body (because she's the "healthy" one in the family!). And all the time she was telling me this, she was being very cheerful about it. All the time praising Allah for what she has today. She is still undergoing treatment as of today for something that her doctor detected in her body recently. Another cancerous cell. She told me, in a happy voice, this morning that she has a heart check up next week, and another check up for breast and pelvic cancer!! She is running two branches of KAFA school, with highly qualified teachers and a nursery, Quran reading classed both at school and her home. She also councel and help any problematic individuals. Where does she have all the energy from? MasyaAllah!

I have read about people like this in magazines and newspapers, but I have never met one. I'm so glad I have met one now. She has really made me think a lot of life in general. It gives you the wider perspective of life. I'm sure people like this view life completely different.

I should not complain too much for whatever I have now, I should not stress about kids not doing well at school, played too much or even having messy room. I should be thankful for the wealth (no matter how much or less) and health that I have now.

I pray to Allah that she will live longer to continue the noble thing that she does for the community today and to be able to raise and see her boys (she has 4 boys, all in religious school) grown up. Ameen.

I do love you...

I'm having a "cold war" with the kids since the weekend. I know ... bad mom! The thing is, they simply ignore what I say and simply do whatever they want. So I thought, pushing them so hard will not make any difference anyways. Having no more patience, nor energy, I let them be. Let them do whatever they want though my heart is tugging me to bother them with their studies. No no.. that I want them to study all the time, but it's their exam week. Eussuv however, is the one got "hit" at the most. Not hit as in HIT.. but as in nagged the most. Why? Because this is one boy who is in his own kid world who thinks the world is all about play! Nothing else matters.

Being a mean mom, I nag and nag and nag at him.. and of course nothing works! Another tips for parents, NEVER nag! Because it definitely brings you nowhere. Your kids simply won't listen. You have to try another approach. Like talking, telling stories, slow-talk... or whatever approach you may take.. but not NAG.

So, what did I do to Eussuv? I had a slow talk with him just before his bedtime. I told him how much I love him and how long he was in my tummy, and how long he was breastfed.. (the longest among all of them!!).. and how could I not love him (he thought I didn't love him and honestly I do feel he's getting further away from me).. I just want him to understand why I'm doing what I do to make him study for his exams. It's not a punishment but an effort that he has to take to learn .. though I don't believe that studying will make him learn, but at least he has better grades or maintain his current grades.

I don't know what's the outcome of this talk yet as it only happened last nite. But I do really hope he understands what I was trying to say to him. He's still such a baby at his age. I'm trying to make him understand what's going on around this world. I did not have this difficulties with Irsyad because he's always the matured one.

I hope I will make some progress with him no matter how long it takes.. I have to try. Please God, give me the patience .. I lack it so much!

Painted colors

I've got so many things to say but I don't know which one I should say first. I want to talk about my dull weekend, what I thought about the kids, what I thought about life cycle, what I thought about love stories, love songs, and interestingly first loves!

But I think I'll talk about the kids. My life is soooo revolved around them that talking about them would come more naturally than other topics.

Gone were the days when parents were the most respected people in one's life that disobeying them is almost the same as disobeying God.. (now I said, almost). These days, it's like your kids are your parents if you don't play the cards right. They are so demanding that you might fall into their trap of giving in to all their demands. I think I'm in between giving in and setting the rules right. I can be very strict at one moment and yet giving in to their demands in the very next minute. All the parenting tips I read tell me that I have to be consistent in whatever I do while bringing up the kids. If I said no the first time of their demand, I should say no also to their next one, but hey.. I am the most normal human in the world. I do give in once in a while. So I think this had made them think that.. Hey, Mom is the coolest.. she would let me do it, if not now later! They read me well, and hey, I read them well too. Interestingly, when I did not give in, they had to follow and they adapt quite well. That's what they say about children come to this world as a white cloth, we, the parents paint them. So it really up to us to paint the white cloth, whatever color we paint on them, that's what they will become.

Up to this moment, I don't think I'm painting the color that I want them to be. The older they get, the more difficult it gets. And at some point I thought I've put the wrong color altogether. And how can I repaint them back. Is it too late? It is me who has to change, it is me who has to know what color or even what brush should I use!

Word twister - "gossip monger"?

One of Syasya's teachers (let's call her Mrs A) simply loves to chat with parents. I avoided talking to her at one point beause of the wrong thing she said to another parent of whom I was very close to. And because of that this parent came apologising to me for something that both us did not do.. and luckily we had the same understanding and in no time we were good friends again.

Yesterday Mrs A did it again! She started chit chatting after taking Syasya out from my car. Asking me this and that. I (without any intention) told her that I had resigned and now serving my notice. And she went on asking me what I'm going to do after my "retirement" and giving me some suggestions and told me some other parents also quit their jobs and bla bla. She suggested that I open a branch of kindy, the same as the one she's teaching now (Syasya's school).. then I said "... yeah I thought about it but it's too much work handling kids, parents and such. Then you need to have some kind of qualifications .. and bla bla bla". I was sure my answer led to a negative answer rather than a "oh YES I would open one!".

This morning another teacher, Mrs B - a more quiet and reasonable teacher - greeted me with this .. "oh I heard you quit your job!".. then I said yes.. and she said again .. "so you are going to open a kindy?" At this point you should see my face.. my eyeballs popped out and jaws dropped!!!! But since this teacher is the nice one .. I quickly regained from my shock and tell her nicely.. "no laahh.. it was just a thought, I'm going to take a break first!

Geez! Some people just like to put a lot of juice to stories! This is first class gossipmonger! I sometimes thought of how words were twisted around and how you can misinterpret people. And this is a classic example of one. Either Mrs A didn't understand what I was saying, or simply she wanted to show off to her fellow colleuge that there's an opportunity around the corner and she got there first (well she told me that if I ever open the kindy she wanted to come and work for me!!!). Oh gosh, when I think about it now, it's kinda hilarious. But surely,

1) I will definitely not have a "nice" chit chat session with her again
2) I will better be careful of whatever I say to her if I ever talk to her again!!
3) I will not believe whatever she said about other parents too (this I learnt my lesson well!)

I bet there are many people like this out there. I just hope that I'd recognise one when I see them so that I can watch what I say!