If only I have wings..

If only I have wings.. I just want to fly away.. I want to be free. Fly away from this hard life.. Be free of all that's binding me from this world. The world full of worldly things that often make people forget who they are, where they come from, where they are heading. A world that is full of hatred, love, sadness and happiness. A world of people who only think of themselves when they should be thinking of others as well because they are not the only ones living in this world.

If only I have wings, I want to go away... do whatever I want to do. Be whoever I want to be. Be where ever I want to be. I want to climb the mountains, I want to swim in the sea, I want to dive into the ocean and be amazed with God's creation. I want to go skiing in the mountains. I want to sail in the sea. I want to go to the islands, build a campfire by the beach, sleep under the moon and stars. I want to go places, travel the world.. wonder at God's creation and be thankful to Him for creating such beautiful world. But I just want to go alone... with my wings..

If only I have wings, I want to go where people need my help. I want to help the needy, the sick, the unloved, the abused. Anytime anywhere..

If only I have THE wings... I just want to disappear ... Especially now at this very moment...

Thank you...

Thank you God for giving the life that I have today... regardless the hardship ...
Thank you God for giving me the beautiful children I bore for nine months each...
Thank you God for the motherhood moment granted to me... perhaps some never get to go through the great moments in life of being a mother...
Thank you God for giving me a wonderful husband whom I always disagree with ...who has to put up with my temper, my ego, my nagging... whom I love dearly and cannot live without..
Thank you God for all the time given to me in this world, to be living in this world....
Thank you God for what I am today.. 

Ya Allah Ya Rahman Ya Rahim

I believe in all bestowed upon me.. I believe in You and all that You've promised me.. 

Thank you....

1001 things your kids should do and see - Part Deux

I noticed that this topic of my previous post has the most views of all my posts. I like it too because it's kinda real. But now that the kids have somehow grown so fast I believe they need a new set of the above. The first set of what I've written was somehow a bit general. These new ones will somehow address their teenage years and journey into it or into the adulthood. Here they are, picked at random from the same book but of different sections.

# they need to see you struggle with difficulties

# they need to learn that life is NOT ALL ABOUT THEM!

# they need manners. This will carry them far in the adult world

# they need to learn the rules.. especially if they intend to break them!

# they need to get things done. Homework assignments. Tasks. Chores. College enrollment forms.

# they need to grasps the sacrifice their parents have made to get them this far

# they need to learn about money - about savings, spendings, budgeting, bankings, investments...

# they need to be able to talk to adults.. not just cross their arms, stare at the floor and mumble something

There are so much more that I wish my kids will be imposed upon or think that it'd be great if my kids could do it. But surprisingly, in this technology age some of the things mentioned are not relevant anymore. So sad.

So anyway those are the part deux which was rather borrriinnggg...

... and I feel like writing finally

I feel like writing today. Though I'm not sure what to write about. Sometimes I have zillion of things in my head that I feel like pouring it out in writing. But truthfully I haven't had this feeling for a longg time. Which is bad because writing used to be my therapy. And I could use some mind therapy at this moment. Sometimes I am being hopeful, of my writing.. for god knows why. Writing is emotion to me. It's telling the world what I feel. Not really bothered of what my readers would say - should there be any readers at all. This is my space and I am free to say whatever I want. And seriously... I am nonsensely rambling about nothing..

The long overdue update

Not that it matters to anyone if I update this blog but I do feel responsible to update it as I've started it in the first place. And some more this lazy fingers have not been punching the keyboard for the longest time. These days the only typing I do is just write some simple comments on Facebook postings, some even abbreviated. Oh what writing! Here I am now trying to be as interesting to write this post. Trying to make interesting and attractive stories are the hardest...

2013 has proven the most challenging so far. Challenging as the kids are growing too fast, time is flying too fast, and I'm too busy thinking and planning what will become of us... kids and all..realising no matter what, time does not stand still. It flies, so fast .. and still we are getting nowhere. Or surely getting somewhere but not exactly towards the direction I wanted it to be. And it's already JUNE!

Irsyad is sitting for his big exam this year. Doing very well in his exams and co-curriculum that it amazed me! Well at least something good is happening in this household. I thank God for that. Eussuv is ever worrying about the latest gadget in town and he's not getting it! Ouchhhh! Syasya is ever the sweetest little girl who's helping around the house like she's the master of the house, and also always updated with the latest songs on the Billboard.. and singing it! And my little baby, Ryan is no longer a baby.... wuahhhahah... he's already in the same futsal team with abangs. And he's on YouTube watching whatever video with the word "police" or "lego". And he'll be playing police or smackdown with abang. No more baby smell... and he no longer like being cuddled! Now I am beginning to think that I AM OLD! Ouch!

Having said that.. perhaps it's a normal life after all. Just some hard glitches that I have to overcome. I am working on something all the time as to improve life. I thank God for all that I have. It's a matter of time.. a matter of hard work. And lots of tawakkal..

Can I have my life back please!

I couldn't believe I haven't written for the longest time! I didn't even get to say goodbye 2012 and Hello 2013. I was too caught up in life that I leave behind what seemed to be one of my passions. I seem to have no control over my life. I'm trying to be as positive as I could about life in general. I'm trying so hard that I think I could die trying! I need my life back. Though I thank God for what He has given me for I believe He knows best... but I need help to go on. I know I'm going through a phase but I think it's taking too long that I'm not even sure how to handle it anymore. I need a miracle, I need that BIG break.

Things have not turned out the way I wanted it to be. What's new with that in my life! Still I have to tell myself to be sane... to be thankful and most importantly to be grateful for whatever that happened as such there'll be something good about to happen. God wills.