It's been slightly over a month since I last said goodbye to the working world and become SAHM - Stay At Home Mom. I've got friends who sometimes call or text me asking me how am I doing or what exactly I am doing now. Some thought that it's such a waste of talent (huh?) for me to quit, some thought that I'm holding the best position in the world, some even admired me for making such brave decision .. (err.. really? brave?)
Perhaps I should reflect my current situation just to make sure I AM doing the right decision and where I'm going after this. OK, let's roll..
What I've been doing so far:
- Concentrating on the kids like pay extra attention to their well-being, schooling, time management, language, etc, etc..
- Giving the kids lots more cuddles and kisses (this was rather limited before)
- Talk and listen to them more
- Thinking and thinking and researching of what can I do to generate some income rather than depending totally on my hubby - suddenly I have so many ideas but none tried yet
- Getting connected with old friends
- Trying to get rid of unnecessary stuff in my store room
- Baked cakes and bread, pudding and pie, and tried many new recipes. Trying to eliminate outside food altogether. Managed to bake brownies for my Chinese friends and neighbors instead of buying cookies for them like I normally did.
- Exercise daily - morning and evening
How am I doing/ feeling so far
- I feel great, not really ecstatic the whole time but simply great, cool and calm
- No regrets of quitting my job nor feeling like going back to work
- Gained "some" weight
What I have observed/think for the past one month
- 24 hours a day is simply not enough to do things... anything
- I have become more patient with the kids
- I think I'm getting old!
- I think a lot about things... about so many things that I've never thought before
- I'm a real good procastinator (if there's such word!)
- I'm an "underachiever" at work.. that's why I have to quit my job. Now I have to do something about it so that I don't quit my life as a SAHM!
- I have no desire to go back to work. That will be the last resort if we are financially tight. I will try other things first!
- I become very concious about my body (weight gain, exercise, hair!)
- I become very budget concious as well, trying to cut down on everything
- I am not bored at home.. in fact my time if filled every minute with things to attend to even though my maid is around
- I still think I'm not good enough a mother!
- My kids have become too clingy to me
- Eussuv's self confidence has improved with me at home. Being manja (without even realising it).. he needs me the most!
- Irsyad is worried that we will have no money for anything since I'm not working. Any trip to the shop is "membazir".. even grocery shopping!!!
What I will have to do next ..
- Be focused in whatever I want to do.
- Have a specific and clear goal of life for the rest of my life (oh sure I do have goals.. it's just that it keeps changing.. so I end up nowhere)
- Lebih rajin lagi melayan anak2! I took for granted the maid is around!
- Narrow down my thoughts only to the beneficial ones... like focus only on the necessary and within my capabilities.. I can't be doing everything simply because it looks simple and interesting enough
- Try to convince hubby to cut down the unnecessary luxuries .. this will be the hardest!
To me this first month is a lot of trials and errors on many things and testing my capabilities, my feelings ... it's like looking inside of me.. finding who I really am. It's rather scary really. Here I am, on the verge of the BIG four 0 suddenly finding so many bad things about myself and thinking, is there still time to change! But I will have to. My children are my life now. I will have to change for their future, they still have a long way to go.
So perhaps this first month review will not tell you anything yet. I shall reflect again next month.