When I read my last post, I wonder what triggered it. Must be something that really made me sad, as always. Writing is my therapy. Judging from the frequency of my writing, I sure did not have as much therapy that I should have. Often time I want to write so much just to pour out what's inside me, but I couldn't due to many reasons. Real reasons as well as excuses.
I have missed August and September posts.. how time flies! August was a busy month .. I couldn't even remember why! But September.. it was really great! From the beginning of September I was busy preparing for my overseas trip.. a trip that I'd been anticipating, though not quite believe it was gonna happen. It did. It really happened. Done and dusted to my disbelief. Sometimes things just happened without you realizing it. It was kind of dream comes true with different picture but equally satisfying. Weird as it sound but Allah made it happen for me. Alhamdulillah. I couldn't be more grateful. Alhamdulillah I also celebrated my birthday with Eussuv and his friends for a change, instead of my own friends. And those in the homeland even forgot to wish me!! The best birthday present ever, of mountains, seas, sunset as well as the lively city. What more could I ask for. I won't even complain about my crippling knees! No matter what, I will surely come back, with different companions... a livelier and happier companions.. just to enjoy the moment more. If you know what I mean. Regardless!
At this very moment, I kinda feel like I'm at an intersection. Life intersection. I've been wanting to do something for a long long time but never get around it. An escape. An escape from a sometimes torturous world I live in. An escape that would change life forever. It could be bad or it could be good. Though I believe it is good for me. I truly believe it is good for me. But it is not that simple. It could be a long painful process, or maybe a short one if agreeable by the other party. I believe I deserve this. I believe it will be good for everyone. It could be a lonely road to trudge, but hey, if it means a peaceful life, I want to go through it, The question is do I dare to take the step. Is there a strong enough reason in the eye of the world I live in, in the eye of the law... that is what made me hesitate. BUT other people are not in my shoes, they wouldn't know the real truth, let alone know why I'm doing it. My life seemed to be almost perfect on the outside but only me and god knows the real truth.
I'm still planning in my head, trying to find the best way for this escape. It may not be an escape, rather it's a journey to a new life that I wanted so much. At this age, truth is, it is an almost impossible step to take. But I will never know unless I tried. Nothing is ever too late in life. You decide. It is your life.
Indeed writing is a therapy. I feel much better after I've penned it down. Even if it doesn't happen, at least I know, I've a got a plan.
O Allah, give me the strength to go through this. Show me the right path. Only You will make it happen, only You know if this is the best!
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