December wish

December is here. The fastest December ever. It's like January came and wham! It's December again. And it's no doubt gonna be a short one. Then again, in fact 2020 seemed too short, wayyyy too short. As usual, time to reflect what I have achieved this year. Surprisingly a lot really. To think that it is the year of lockdown, I have actually achieved a lot in quite a lot of things. Especially in the work that I do. Both as being a financial advisor as well as translator. I should pat myself on the back. No, I'm not asking anyone to do that for me too.. nor I expect other people to recognize or know what I have achieved. Just enough for me to know, hence I know my own capabilities. I know I can, now it's proven, I really can. I'm not a big dreamer, I'm more of the practical one. I don't dream big at all. Neither am I complacent with where I am today. But I'm always looking further away. I don't want to chase a big dream in the expense of the time with my family and friends. Perhaps I sound weak having said this. Not ambitious. But hey, that's my choice. You are what you choose to be in life. And so I chose this. Sometimes I think I'm not doing much in life, but then again I think this is my choice, be it bad or good, less or more, happy or sad.. I chose it to be that! And so.. to achieve beyond my usual so so performance is something great. And to have achieved it in the current condition, is even more meaningful.. and sweet. It's nothing big for some already-achievers, but it is for me. I feel like I'm making baby steps towards something great. I don't know. Perhaps. Who knows. 

I pray that the new year will see me accomplish something much more. But more importantly, I hope it'll be more fulfilling heart and soul, not just on the surface of being successful but feeling empty inside. I do wish that I have a bigger heart to protect myself from any heartache or sufferings. I wish I'm more tolerable to pain.. pain that cannot be cured by any medicine. I pray that God will give me more strength for this. 

There are still a few more weeks to next year. I hope for some miracles. Be it anything.. good of course. We shall see. Perhaps I get to see the sunrise over the calming sea, perhaps I get to sip that coffee overlooking a bridge at sunset, perhaps I get to reminisce about old times under the stars (by the beach with a campfire - ohh this will be a bonus), and perhaps I get to wander around that island and have ice cream.. perhaps.. perhaps..