Dreams in November Rain

 It has been raining daily with thunderstorm for the past one week. It marked the rainy season in Malaysia. As always. The only difference this year is that it is coupled with the rampant virus spread in the society despite the Control Movement Order, despite the strict SOPs imposed. And the health authority said the rain (or snow) will make the spread worse through the droplets of water if not controlled strictly. Being cooped at home in a gloomy weather with the same routine everyday can make one go crazy. That's exactly what I'm feeling right now. Fortunately kids are busy with their online classes and Mr Hubby is busy working virtually. So that just left only me sticking to the boring house routine. Oh yeah sure, there are so many things that I can do in the house like try new recipes, clean up the wardrobes, clear up the store, rearrange clothes, and the list is just endless. But do I really want to do that on top of the daily never ending house chores? No way. I want to do something exciting. Something new. Perhaps I should enter a writing contest or a translation contest (this I missed the deadline already) or perhaps read a good book. Or watch a good movie - which I already searched but none came through. 

I really hope the rain will go away soon. And importantly, I wish the virus will just diminish! I want to go away .. I want to go places, hang out by the beach, watch the sunset and sunrise, have coffee and chit chat with girlfriends.. and so many more. I want to wander around an island and have ice cream under the hot sun, in my shorts, slippers and hat. With giggling girlfriends. OK fine.. pictures of youth. Perhaps I should reiterate. I want to walk slowly (without cane I hope), leisurely enjoying the company of girlfriends, in my most comfortable long pants and shirt, with a fashionable hat, with occasional elegant laugh, simply savoring the moment and remembering the past without any regret, wishing we could have done more. Wink wink!

It's always nice to imagine, dream and just smile at it. I have often imagined and dream of things, events, trips, and numerous happenings that I wish would happen for real. There are some that actually came true. VERY few. Then again, I thank God that it happened. I also thank God for those that has yet to happen. Because I know it will happen or if it doesn't, that means it is not meant to be for me. I'm saying this not to make me feel better but because I believe Allah has plans for me and His is the best, so I shall follow. 

I'm feeling better already having written this down. I thought I was gonna go bonkers. Let's hope the November rain will stop. Let there be a rainbow after that. Let the sun shines again till dusk. Let me have a peak at the beautiful sunset over the buildings, trains and trees (though it'll be more picturesque over the sea, but this will do). Let's pray for a miracle. Merrily, God is ever listening and Loves His servant immensely. 

Another closure in life: Forgiveness

 I had an unexpectedly pleasant closure in life. It's closing of an old wound.. a good one. Something that I thought I would never do. Forgiving someone who treated you so bad in life was never easy. But I did it. After so many years. after many rounds of listening to the learned ustaz and ustazah, I feel deeply in my heart and give my forgiveness. I'm not sure if this person even knew I was hurting and never forgive her in my heart. I only showed it through my actions.

And now, with all my heart, I forgive her. For whatever she said to me, intentionally or not, I forgive her. And with that I feel so good. With that I can feel my heart feels lighter. I got the chance to see this person face to face and act as though nothing ever happened between us. I was genuinely natural towards her, as compared to before. I used to avoid her or not go to where I think she would be. Now I am free, I don't have to avoid anybody anymore. 

Alhamdulillah. As I am writing this, I am smiling (as corny as it may sound). I have no feelings towards her anymore. The hatred is gone. The hurt is gone. It may not be replaced with love or friendship even, but just as sisters in eyes of God. 

I wish her the best in life .. well.. she's already living a good life, so to speak. Then, may she continue to prosper in life, and have a good afterlife. In shaa Allah.

Alhamdulillah.

2020 - The unexpected year that is!

 It is already the last two months of 2020. Who would have thought that 2020 is the 'home' year.. the year when most Malaysians spent their time mostly at home, thanks to the Covid-19 virus. The deadly virus that has killed so many people globally, changed so many lives, changed the norms of the world, and even changed the way people think, work, and act. It basically changed the world! 

Here in Malaysia, we have been hit with the third wave towards the end of September. We were just beginning to enjoy the new normal of life when the third wave hit and things have slowed down again. We are back in the Conditional Movement Control Order where there are certain movement rules and we have to comply. The worst is, NO SCHOOL! AH yes, there's the so called 'online classes' which normally depending the school, the teacher and perhaps the students themselves. Not everyone will have the privilege of having the good facilities to go online. Sad. 

It's really a hard choice to make I'm sure, among the authorities, to decide between health and the economy. It has to go hand it hand. The economy of the world suffered so much. Not just in Malaysia. Some may got hit hardest, some barely hit. Alhamdulillah for me and family, things are running as usual, there are still food on the table and shelter above our heads. Things changed here and there but we are surviving, and we are so ever grateful for this. 

My prayers for today would be for the cure of this virus be found. Surely there are reasons that Allah sent out this virus to humans. I pray that this will be over soon. I pray Allah will cure all those who have been infected. I pray that those 'economically' affected by the virus, will get up again and able to survive, I pray that things will get better, and mostly I pray that Allah will protect us all from the virus. Please forgive us all. Please take away Covid-19 from the earth. Please hear us and answer our prayers. Indeed, You are the best planner, the Most Knowing and the Most Loving.