"Orang Gaji"

Once upon a time.. long time ago, surprisingly I remember, I told my late mom this - When I grow up I want to be "orang gaji". Then of course mom had to ask me why. And the typical me answered.. "oh because I can just stay at home and no need to go to school or work!" Lazy bum! Poor mom for having such 'ambitious' daughter. This day, whenever people ask me what I am or where I work, I happily tell them .."I'm a bibik" which is almost equivalent to "orang gaji" except in my case with a lot more responsibilities with much less "gaji" or none at all!

A few days ago I asked a friend, who is currently pursuing her PhD, of her next step after PhD. She said she wanted to work but it'll be difficult for her to find a job because most of the time employers will say that she's over qualified, and she's not an academician where her PhD will be most sought after. So I asked her again, why in the first place she's pursuing a PhD. She said - to accomplish a personal mission. Ohhhh... Then I told her, long time ago I wanted to be (is that considered personal mission?) "orang gaji", and I am now one. So should I graduate now considering mission is accomplished and move on to take on another challenge? In life so far being "orang gaji" is the most challenging job I've ever had, mentally and physically. No kidding!

Thinking and weighing....

Quotations for the year

For some weird reasons, I love reading quotations. It makes you ponder and it can make you smile and remember. I have received a number of small books of quotation on my past birthdays from those close to me and knew that it was one of my likes.

This year I collected some nice quotations from magazines, books and places I visited and conveniently store them in my phone. Here are my favorite so far this year.

"Life without a friend is death without a witness" - Anonymous

This quotation was seen on a gazebo in a boarding school compound. This is so true. I for one cannot live without my friends as to me they are always there when I need them. Dying alone is something so sad... just like if you don't have any friends to share your life journey with.

"Where there's marriage without love, there will be love without marriage" - Benjamin Franklin

This is interesting if you think about it. People stay in a marriage not necessarily for love. And perhaps you can still love a person without being married to him/her. It's all in your head and in your heart.

"If you want something said, ask a man. If you want something done, ask a woman." - Margaret Thatcher

Call me sexist... but this is so true!! Perhaps men are better at words but the ladies will get things done. Thatcher must have said this based on her experience running the country with all the men below her!

"There's no road to happiness because happiness is the road" - ??

Heard this on the radio and didn't catch who said it. Happiness is within yourself and subject to your own interpretation. I wish I can delve deeper into this. The same analogy used in "life is not a destination, it's a journey". I have such complicated journey that sometimes I wish I can go back to whichever part of that journey that I wanted and re-take the journey using a different road! Sigh!

Like I've said, it can make you ponder and it can make you smile.

Oh what am I to do!

I hate to think that I'm abandoning this blog. No really I'm not. The housechores are really taking a toll on me. I have so many things to blog about, nice things, not so nice ones, happy ones, sad ones. All remain just in my head! Then I guess my passion for writing is just a passion.. no action, no rewards, no satisfaction. It's pathetic really! And amidst all these, I'm still struggling (sluggishly) to earn some income online and ended up paying more and more than I shud be earning. And worst, I have yet to earn a single cent! I really don't get it. I have yet to see ONE money making sites which does not require you to pay anything before you even started. Not even ONE. So it is truly bull**** saying that you can make money at no cost online. And it is entirely true that one of the "already making money" guru's article says that in order for you to make money online you have to have money and time. I have neither. There goes my life! Yes I know making money online is not an immediate thing, it is gradual and requires LOTS of effort. The thing is I don't think I have what it takes to be successful in it. I already have a tahiyyah.com, which is supposed to be filled with interesting articles about working from home, some ads to generate money, a form to generate leads, and so on. And yet... Am not blaming anybody but myself. I even have ventured into book selling which is surprisingly making but slowly and unfortunately requires an upfront cash before I can sell!

So now, I'm thinking of going back to work. The most dreaded decision that I ever have to make. This is even harder than the decision to quit my job. Oh well perhaps I did not think thorough enough when I made the decision to quit.in the first place! I am still thinking and praying. I pray hard that God will show me the way. I think about the housechores, the kids well being that I have to pass to a caretaker, and my morning routine that I kinda like. When I think about this, I don't think I ever want to work. But when I think about the kids needs, their education fund, our health insurance, our car, our house, our holidays... all the neccessities and wants that cannot be fulfilled now that I'm not earning, I got kinda nervous...! I seemed to be neither here nor there!

I hope God hears my pleas and grants them. Ameen.

PS : I wish I could have written something nice instead of this!