Letting go

This sounds heavy.

As heavy as it feels in my heart.

The art of letting go is many. The meaning of letting varies. I came across some remarkable quotes on Letting Go.. it's mostly kind of heart breaking. But to me, letting go is just part of life. You have to let go of things, people, friendship, relationship. There is nothing that is permanent in this world, at some point of life, you are letting go of your life on earth.. you leave this world. People will have to let you go, you have to let go of people in your life. Nothing is permanent. Only the afterlife is permanent, infinite.

But how do you let go of people in this life? Letting go of people also can mean many things. You let them go so that they can grow, you let them go because you can no longer tolerate them for whatever reason, you let them go because you lost contact with them, or you let them go because you outgrow them.. yes, this can happen too. 

I realized something these past few weeks, sadly, that I have to let go the control or the grasp that I have over my children. As much as I want them to be under my control I know that someday I have to let them go. They are at the age of discovering themselves. I cannot be holding their hands in that process (though I want to) because most of the time what they want is not what I want for them. They have their own lives to live... their own journey, their own path. Allah has charted their path. All I have to do is pray for them while letting go of their hands. This is kind of heartbreaking but I have to be strong. I will be there, always be there whenever they need me. I can guide them but they will choose their own path. I pray hard that they choose wisely, and not stray away from the right path, the path of Allah. 

I have to remind myself that they have a long way to go ahead of them, and I won't be here forever to guide them. Hence, I will continue to guide them as much as I can whenever needed as long I'm still around. And I hope I will not feel hurt and feel left behind when they are already way ahead in their path. But I do hope that they will look back and reach for my hands once a while, I do hope that they remember that I'm always here watching their back and ready welcome them with open arms, and I sure do hope that they don't forget me and leave me behind altogether. 

It is time for me to move on with my own life. Do whatever that I can with my free hands, something that can move me forward, something worth of my free time, something to prepare me for the infinite afterlife. 

• “Sometimes letting things go is an act of far greater power than defending or hanging on.” - Eckhart Tolle
• "Some of us think holding on makes us strong, but sometimes it is letting go." - Hermann Hesse
• "In the process of letting go, you will lose many things from the past, but you will find yourself." - Deepak Chopra
• "We must be willing to let go of the life we've planned, so as to have the life that is waiting for us." - Joseph Campbell

The cycle that be

For every post that I write, have written.. it comes from my heart. It comes from what I am feeling at the moment. It's not something that I plan. It is sometimes something that burdens me, enlightens me, worries me or frustrates me. Sometimes I feel so much to pour my heart out but my laptop is not with me.. sometimes I feel so much to write but too lazy to get up and write. And on the days like this, I just grab my laptop and pour myself out. I just need to scribble something. Sometimes I have so much to write without a title but sometimes, like today, I have my title first and here am I babbling away without much to tell.

I just want to make a mark that I am still alive and kicking. I just want to tell the world (though nobody actually notice anyway) that yes... no matter how bad the world is treating me or how bad I'm treating myself or people treat me, I am still alive and kicking. Actually I'm doing fine, really. This is an affirmation. I'm doing better than anybody else. I can do better too. It's just how I treat the world around me and be it. 

Ahhh so much rambling. I live the moment. I put my life in Allah's hand, and I shall live my life for Him. Just Him alone. Then I will be fine. I don't have to answer to anyone but Him. Life is short, the afterlife is indefinite. 

The cycle of life is almost coming the end .. each day is nearing to the end. I shall make the best of it as we don't know for sure when it will end. For whenever it is, I am so grateful that I have come this far. I wish to stay on for a little longer, to witness the success of my children, their marriage, their offspring if any, their joy and sorrow.. I want to be there during their matured life.. i hope Allah will grant me these moments. I hope He will grant me the health and wealth to hold on for a little bit more. 

So much so... live the moment. Pray the rest. 

 

Embracing the moment

 Time is an essence. 'By the passage of time. Indeed, mankind is in loss...'

Indeed, I am one who is always in loss for time. Look at it, it is now April coming to May of 2025. My last post was at the end of December 2024 and I thought it was only a few weeks ago.

Gone was 4 precious months, gone was Ramadhan, and Syawal is soon ending too. What have I achieved? Have I achieved anything at all? 

People come and go. I fear my time has come too. I fear I may not be able to do so many things. I pray that I will have enough to cover me for the afterlife. The infinite afterlife, the one I hope so much will make me happy, the one I dream of having my dream house and enjoy beautiful life God has promised. In shaa Allah. 

And why am I babbling on this? Just. I am just appalled at how time has flown. I am just frustrated with myself for allowing time to pass by without doing anything. But then again, I may have overlooked it. I managed to run my 2025 project, though starting a bit late, in February. I managed to uphold my supposedly demoted rank, by closing some good deals. I managed to complete a few paid projects during Ramadhan. Not bad at all. But why am I thinking it's still not enough? Perhaps I can do better actually? Yeah that's what I always thought. I am never good enough even to myself. 

Whatever it is, I am still thankful for all the good things that has happened up to now. Thankful that we are safe in many ways. I am thankful we have enough for all our necessities though sometimes I felt like we are truly struggling. I am still thankful that my health is still good though my strength has deteriorated. I am still able to walk, go up the stairs and manage myself well. Alhamdulillah.

For whatever that comes in this rushing period, I shall embrace. I shall embrace the moment, seize the opportunities, and will not regret any losses, as it is ALL God's plan that has been written for me.