Oh what am I to do!

I hate to think that I'm abandoning this blog. No really I'm not. The housechores are really taking a toll on me. I have so many things to blog about, nice things, not so nice ones, happy ones, sad ones. All remain just in my head! Then I guess my passion for writing is just a passion.. no action, no rewards, no satisfaction. It's pathetic really! And amidst all these, I'm still struggling (sluggishly) to earn some income online and ended up paying more and more than I shud be earning. And worst, I have yet to earn a single cent! I really don't get it. I have yet to see ONE money making sites which does not require you to pay anything before you even started. Not even ONE. So it is truly bull**** saying that you can make money at no cost online. And it is entirely true that one of the "already making money" guru's article says that in order for you to make money online you have to have money and time. I have neither. There goes my life! Yes I know making money online is not an immediate thing, it is gradual and requires LOTS of effort. The thing is I don't think I have what it takes to be successful in it. I already have a tahiyyah.com, which is supposed to be filled with interesting articles about working from home, some ads to generate money, a form to generate leads, and so on. And yet... Am not blaming anybody but myself. I even have ventured into book selling which is surprisingly making but slowly and unfortunately requires an upfront cash before I can sell!

So now, I'm thinking of going back to work. The most dreaded decision that I ever have to make. This is even harder than the decision to quit my job. Oh well perhaps I did not think thorough enough when I made the decision to quit.in the first place! I am still thinking and praying. I pray hard that God will show me the way. I think about the housechores, the kids well being that I have to pass to a caretaker, and my morning routine that I kinda like. When I think about this, I don't think I ever want to work. But when I think about the kids needs, their education fund, our health insurance, our car, our house, our holidays... all the neccessities and wants that cannot be fulfilled now that I'm not earning, I got kinda nervous...! I seemed to be neither here nor there!

I hope God hears my pleas and grants them. Ameen.

PS : I wish I could have written something nice instead of this!