What if.....?

I'm in the midst of cleaning up and packing to move to a new house (this will be another entry!). Packing is really a big task if you have your things all the way from single life! Last nite I opened my treasure chest which stored some of after college memories. I found a few things to be thrown away, a few things to be kept further, a few things that made me go OMG, even a few "unwanted pictures"!

One thing though made me wonder. I found a stack of letters from various masters schools in the States for my inquiries about their masters programme. Hmmmm...! Then I found two letters of my GMAT exam results, (I took it twice just to prove myself!) then a few letters from sponsor telling me details of how they would sponsor my masters, letter to go for a Kursus Tatanegara and a few more. I went through everything and wonder... whyyy laaaaa I didn't take up the offer and go?? What was I thinking then? What if I took up the offer? What would I be today? Will I still be here writing at home? Perhaps I would still be in the States and work there (well that was my dream then... to stay there like forever!) I might not have 4 kids and I might even marry somebody else...

The conclusion I made from reading the letter is just this.. my results for both my undergraduate studies and GMAT were not strong enough for me to be accepted at all the schools I inquired. The thing is.. I didn't even send in my applications! I was so scared of rejection I didn't even dare try even I already got the sponsorship! What I remembered again then, I was at such age where people are trying to do things that suits their life and, at 24-26 my life was such a turmoil and no direction (that's how it is if you have no parents I guess! You still need to be told at that age, or at least be guided!)

Whatever it was, it was... it has passed. I have no regrets. I was just wondering... what if..

I dumped everything away.. it's not valid anymore anyways.. even my GMAT results..Oh well.. and life goes on!