I love Mondays!

I love Mondays.. really I do. I know most people hate Mondays because they have to leave the weekends. Because they have to resume work, because they have to start school, because they have to endure another week of work or school. But I love Mondays because all of that! Haha.. I know people will hate me for this.

Ever since I am a stay at home mom or a domestic goddess or whatever you want to call me, I love Mondays. My weekends are always full of activities, things to do, places to go, people to meet. I hardly have my chill out time - meaning - I have no rest. Not that I rests on weekdays but I do allocate some time for me.. some me time be it 10 mins or one hour or more (most likely 1 hour is usually the most I get!) Come Sunday night I kinda get excited knowing that Monday is just a few hours away and I will have my quiet moment soon.

Regardless, though I have my break on weekdays, my work around the house goes on and on. While the working people have their days off, I have none. I only have my "little" chill out time when others are at work or school. The quiet time that I always look forward to, means just hanging around the house doing nothing or watch TV or read a good book (though sometimes I wish I was away somewhere, at the spa or roaming around some beautiful city) But still, on top of that I have this little timer in my head reminding me what to do next.

Today is rather a great Monday. A great start of the week by me being the lawn mower man in the morning (thanks to the powerful Black and Decker technology!) cook later, then driver to the kids to and from school. Last week I was the plumber when the kitchen sink was somehow stuck. Life is great. Life goes on.

And let's pray that this great feelings remain until tonight at least!

Another year, another step wiser

I celebrated my birthday a week ago. Let the number be my little secret... not that any of you didn't know anyway, but maybe for strangers reading this entry. Anyways, I always like to think that I'm 25. Hardy har har! Why? Because I think I like being 25. And also maybe I like my life best when I was 25.. when I was just myself. Me. I was not a wife who has listen to a hubby (obediently), I was not a mother who worries about her children or who yells a lot, I was not a housewife who's on duty 7 days a week, 24x7. I was just me. Me who goes anywhere I like with my red ramshackle car (as my sister put it!), me who's not worried about going home from work at 3am and go back again at 8am (only during peak project period ok!), me who gets excited on Fridays and starts planning for the weekend with great friends, and also me who didn't really care if I have only RM10 left a few days before payday because I will just eat at home and ask (shamelessly) for another RM10/day from my dear brother who I was staying with. And frankly, I miss that 'me'. Years and years had passed and for sure I can never go back. I can't even re-live the situation. Too much had changed, for better or worse. But I'm sure I'll be bored to death had my life stayed they way it was when I was 25. So what I can do now is just go back the memory lanes and dream!! Good enough to make me float for a while before the reality hits and brings me down again. Oh well!

Somehow as age is catching up, I can feel life is getting tougher and it teaches me to be stronger and wiser (hopefully). I tend to view life differently and I somehow glad for all the things that happened to me since I was 25, be it good or bad. The life happenings shape you to what you are and how you think today. 

My wish for this year , and I think this will be my priority wish every year, is that I wish for another birthday next year in a healthy condition.... not necessarily wealthy but enough to get by. And another one and another one. May Allah hears me out! And how thankful I am to be able to write about my birthday this year and pray I will still be here writing, next year.

Happiness... is it really there?

Oh please don't be choked by the title. Yeah it may sound ridiculous, but to some people who's never been happy, this is a very valid question. But to some, it sounds absurd. It actually really depends on how you describe happiness.

I chanced upon a very interesting book on happiness as I dwelt with the meaning of happiness with some friends. I was trying to figure out whether or not I'm happy since I've becoming such a pessimist being, and since I couldn't answer somebody who asked me "what was your happy moment in the last six months". It really scared me that I couldn't answer that question though I somewhat guess the reason behind it. The book came just timely. And it was a page turner. 

The book, entitled "Hector and The Search for Happiness" is written by Francois Lelord, a psychiatrist in France. Apparently there's a whole list of Hector other books i.e Hector and The Secrets of Love, Hector and The Passage of Time. In this particular book, Hector travels from Paris to China to Africa to the USA and along the way he creates and keeps a list of observations about happiness from the people he meets. The travel comes about from his dissatisfaction with himself. At the end of his journey he listed 23 lessons about happiness. And most of it relates to the reality of life we often overlook. It could be a simple daily experience but we didn't think of it as part of happiness until it's being pointed out to you. I'm going to list only some of the lessons that appeals to me (you have to read the book to know it all!) and of which I may have experienced it at any time of my life.

Lesson no. 1 - Making comparisons truly spoils your happiness. 
Lesson no. 2 - Happiness often comes when least expected.
Lesson no. 3 - Many people see happiness only in their future
Lesson no. 4 - Many people think that happiness comes from having more money or more power
Lesson no. 6 - Happiness is a long walk in beautiful, unfamiliar mountains
Lesson no. 7 - Happiness is not the goal!
Lesson no. 14 - Happiness is to be loved for exactly who you are.
Lesson no. 16 - Happiness is knowing how to celebrate
Lesson no. 20 - Happiness is a certain way of seeing things.

I shall stop at Lesson 20 as it will kill the joy of reading the book if I were to reveal all. The book is written in a very easy-going language, rather informal and very interesting and easy read. You can digest it easily and I truly loved the way the writer relates the facts and the stories, it just makes sense!

Having read the book I come up with my own conclusion about happiness. Happiness is not a constant feeling. It's not something that you should look for, it should come naturally right from your heart, it's not a plan thing or something for you to ponder about. Happiness is an instant feeling! If people ask you if you are happy or not, the answer is subject to your current situation. Surely there are happy moments for me for the last six months but I couldn't answer as I was looking at it differently. So perhaps I should redefine the meaning of happiness.. in relation to my disorderly life!

My Hari Raya

Another month leaving without notice. Here I am wanting to write about my Hari Raya when everybody else is starting to write about the coming month or maybe talking about the coming pilgrimage or even about the next hari raya already. Oh what the heck.

As always (as dull as it may sound!), Hari Raya means lots of food and family gathering. My Hari Raya has become somewhat a routine for the past few year without me realizing it. I cooked the same food - rendang n such, visit the same relatives, exchanging gifts, same raya shopping, even baked the same cookies. Then again, not necessarily no fun. It's just that perhaps I can do something different next year.. something better and non-routine. Perhaps raya somewhere else. Perhaps visit other relatives and visit many more friends. 

The apparent thing that stuck in my mind this raya is that the "old" people I visited seemed to look older, sadly.. which also reminds me, I am getting older too (ouch!)! One uncle who was still walking last year, cheery and can remember very well has started using walking stick, looked weak and barely remember his own age. He even looked at us somewhat in confusion. It was very sad! Another uncle who was bedridden last year is still bedridden and did not recognise even his own children. And one uncle is no longer around as he passed away just before Ramadhan. I also managed to visit my former ustazah whose son is my good friend since primary school. She remembers me very well, she even remembers my sisters and brothers. Sadly she's on wheelchair due to diabetic and some mild stroke.

This year also saw me meeting my half-aunties whom I have not seen for many many years (last I saw them when my dad passed away which was 22 years ago!). I felt good to get to see them though the meeting was a coincidence as we visited the same relative's house.

Back at home, there were a few "open houses" that we went which were mostly neighbors. Obviously I'm not that popular a person to get invited to so many open houses in any weekend. Some people had like 7 invitations in a day. Either my friends didn't host any open houses or I'm simply not invited. It doesn't really matter.. it's just something to ponder!

Oh and I managed to complete the 6 days of Syawal fasting, Alhamdulillah! And hubby too! Something we rarely do. Hopefully we'll do it again next Syawal, insyaAllah.

So perhaps there are some differences after all this raya. Alhamdulillah. Perhaps next year will be a better one. InsyaAllah.

It's leaving

Ramadhan is leaving. Alhamdulillah, surprisingly some of my prayers were answered. The magic of Ramadhan. This year we are blessed with a lot of rezeki (lots of food on the table, lots of sedekah from neighbors and friends. I am so touched!), things seemed to be running smoothly. With just a little conflict. I'd say it's a good one. I hope it will be for the rest of the week. 

Kids are fasting without much problem except for Omar who still have no idea about fasting. But I'm not worried since he's only 5! Irsyad fasts for the first time away from home. The only problem he had in the beginning is to get up for sahur as there's no system to wake someone up but by yourself, or your friend. He missed sahur a few times because he couldn't get up. But eventually he got the hang of it and got up by himself. He also had to endure the dining hall dishes which is of course far different from homecooked food.. With very limited pocket money he has, he sometimes buy food from the Ramadhan Bazaar which is situated right in front of his school. And now nearing Syawal, he's beginning to feel the balik kampung spirit as everyone is eager to go home for Syawal. I think this is the best part of staying in a hostel. He's taking a bus from school and daddy will fetch him at the bus station. I hope things will go well for him.

We have yet to bake any cookies. Will do so perhaps a day or two before the big day. They can't wait for that moment too. I hope I won't be too tired to do it! 

Here I'd like to wish everyone, Eid Mubarak. May your Eid will be a meaningful and safe one. Have a safe journey home.

My prayers for Ramadhan

Alhamdulillah Ramadhan is here again. Alhamdulillah I am still here to celebrate this holy month. To celebrate the way it should be with lots of prayers and good deeds as this is the holy month where one good deed you perform, the reward is double and triple. This is also the month of forgiveness and full of blessing. However, this is also the month where one can commit too many sins for being ignorant of their wrongdoings, for being extravaganza in their spending and wasteful in their consumption of food. Na'uzubillah.

I pray that my Ramadhan is better than last Ramadhan. I hope I can fill it with meaningful and significant ibadah. I pray that my family and I will be blessed this month and for the rest of our lives. I pray that all my problems will be solved or at least reduced. I pray that He will show me the right path to follow in order to be blessed.

I also pray for my family, so that my kids will be able to fast just as they did last year perhaps even better. I pray that Irsyad will fare easily fasting at his hostel.

And not forgetting, I pray that I will be here again next Ramadhan, and the next and for many more years to come.

I seek forgiveness from Him for all the sins that I have committed. I seek forgiveness from everybody else for all my wrongdoings. Please forgive me.

Ameen.

"Orang Gaji"

Once upon a time.. long time ago, surprisingly I remember, I told my late mom this - When I grow up I want to be "orang gaji". Then of course mom had to ask me why. And the typical me answered.. "oh because I can just stay at home and no need to go to school or work!" Lazy bum! Poor mom for having such 'ambitious' daughter. This day, whenever people ask me what I am or where I work, I happily tell them .."I'm a bibik" which is almost equivalent to "orang gaji" except in my case with a lot more responsibilities with much less "gaji" or none at all!

A few days ago I asked a friend, who is currently pursuing her PhD, of her next step after PhD. She said she wanted to work but it'll be difficult for her to find a job because most of the time employers will say that she's over qualified, and she's not an academician where her PhD will be most sought after. So I asked her again, why in the first place she's pursuing a PhD. She said - to accomplish a personal mission. Ohhhh... Then I told her, long time ago I wanted to be (is that considered personal mission?) "orang gaji", and I am now one. So should I graduate now considering mission is accomplished and move on to take on another challenge? In life so far being "orang gaji" is the most challenging job I've ever had, mentally and physically. No kidding!

Thinking and weighing....