The cycle that be

For every post that I write, have written.. it comes from my heart. It comes from what I am feeling at the moment. It's not something that I plan. It is sometimes something that burdens me, enlightens me, worries me or frustrates me. Sometimes I feel so much to pour my heart out but my laptop is not with me.. sometimes I feel so much to write but too lazy to get up and write. And on the days like this, I just grab my laptop and pour myself out. I just need to scribble something. Sometimes I have so much to write without a title but sometimes, like today, I have my title first and here am I babbling away without much to tell.

I just want to make a mark that I am still alive and kicking. I just want to tell the world (though nobody actually notice anyway) that yes... no matter how bad the world is treating me or how bad I'm treating myself or people treat me, I am still alive and kicking. Actually I'm doing fine, really. This is an affirmation. I'm doing better than anybody else. I can do better too. It's just how I treat the world around me and be it. 

Ahhh so much rambling. I live the moment. I put my life in Allah's hand, and I shall live my life for Him. Just Him alone. Then I will be fine. I don't have to answer to anyone but Him. Life is short, the afterlife is indefinite. 

The cycle of life is almost coming the end .. each day is nearing to the end. I shall make the best of it as we don't know for sure when it will end. For whenever it is, I am so grateful that I have come this far. I wish to stay on for a little longer, to witness the success of my children, their marriage, their offspring if any, their joy and sorrow.. I want to be there during their matured life.. i hope Allah will grant me these moments. I hope He will grant me the health and wealth to hold on for a little bit more. 

So much so... live the moment. Pray the rest. 

 

Embracing the moment

 Time is an essence. 'By the passage of time. Indeed, mankind is in loss...'

Indeed, I am one who is always in loss for time. Look at it, it is now April coming to May of 2025. My last post was at the end of December 2024 and I thought it was only a few weeks ago.

Gone was 4 precious months, gone was Ramadhan, and Syawal is soon ending too. What have I achieved? Have I achieved anything at all? 

People come and go. I fear my time has come too. I fear I may not be able to do so many things. I pray that I will have enough to cover me for the afterlife. The infinite afterlife, the one I hope so much will make me happy, the one I dream of having my dream house and enjoy beautiful life God has promised. In shaa Allah. 

And why am I babbling on this? Just. I am just appalled at how time has flown. I am just frustrated with myself for allowing time to pass by without doing anything. But then again, I may have overlooked it. I managed to run my 2025 project, though starting a bit late, in February. I managed to uphold my supposedly demoted rank, by closing some good deals. I managed to complete a few paid projects during Ramadhan. Not bad at all. But why am I thinking it's still not enough? Perhaps I can do better actually? Yeah that's what I always thought. I am never good enough even to myself. 

Whatever it is, I am still thankful for all the good things that has happened up to now. Thankful that we are safe in many ways. I am thankful we have enough for all our necessities though sometimes I felt like we are truly struggling. I am still thankful that my health is still good though my strength has deteriorated. I am still able to walk, go up the stairs and manage myself well. Alhamdulillah.

For whatever that comes in this rushing period, I shall embrace. I shall embrace the moment, seize the opportunities, and will not regret any losses, as it is ALL God's plan that has been written for me.