Life is a gift. Live the moment.

 'Life is a gift. Time is all we have. Live in the present, as best as you can, each and everyday.' This is what Zac Efron says in the Netflix documentary 'Down To Earth'. I watched this documentary in awe. It talks so much about life, mostly focusing on how people is the different continent in the world have a longer life compared to others. Amazingly there's this area in the world called the Blue Zones, where people live longer as they live a healthy and sustainable lifestyle. There's this book called The Blue Zones by Dan Buettner. The author travelled the world to the Blue Zones and study the lifestyles of the people of the Blue Zones, how they manage to live above 100 years old. It's a very interesting documentary, unfortunately it did not attract much audience hence was cancelled altogether. But I managed to finish to whole series before it was taken off from Netflix. Apparently people prefer fictions rather than watching documentaries. Even a documentary on how to live longer does not attract people! Obviously we all like a dreamy world better, world that is full of fictions, even it means a shorter life! Really!

But why am I blabbering about this now? 

We had an episode of a health scare last week. My husband thought he was having a stroke! Now that was scary really. But what made it worse is a misdiagnosed by a GP. THAT actually was the scary part, not so much of the pain or discomfort that he was having. Then again it is always better be safe than sorry. After what seemed to be forever waiting in the ER, after a few tests, Alhamdulillah it came out clear that it was not a stroke. Alhamdulillah. I swear, he looked VERY fine except when the GP told him "most of the left blood vessels are blocked, blood is not going much to your brain".. now who wouldn't be scared of such statement. And this come from his most trusted GP. When the specialist (at a hospital, not at the clinic) came to look at him and came out with the MRA results, he said 'don't trust a GP so much when he didn't have the right equipment or expertise to examine you'.. ohhh wellll! 

And so why is he having the symptoms though? Stress. He's been so stressed with many things that week. Including being mad at me .. oh what's new with this eh. But yeah. Stress can lead you to many things including this, and waste of time and energy as well. 

I always view my life as being the difficult one. But come to think of it, it is all about how I view life. If you view your as such, it becomes that. Stress should not be in your system if you view life differently. I am calmer now. Thanks to all the religious classes that I attended. I am more at ease with myself and my surroundings. When you understand how this world works, how your relationship works, how you should view your life, how you should accept your life.. you will feel calmer, at ease, peaceful. The world is temporary anyway, it should not be stressful. Embrace the moment. All has been destined and charted for you. For every little thing that happens, every moment, every second.. it's been written. And you live only for your creator, not for another human being. Not for your spouse, not for your kids. Having these in mind, I found peace. I hope I can live as long as the people in the Blue Zone. Though I still do need to work a little bit more in the healthy lifestyle department.. haha. Yes, you do need to live healthily as well. Then again when you lead a healthy lifestyle, your mind will automatically be more positive hence stress should not be in the system.

Indeed life is a gift. It is a gift you should treasure and take care of. And yes, I am going to live the moment, no regrets, no stress. Bi iznillah. 

Sleek September

 I'm not sure if I could call September sleek but I do not know how else to describe my September. September 2024 was full of events that I want to remember.

There were two wedding receptions of two very close persons to my heart. And these receptions took three weekends of September. I simply love it! I got to meet all my relatives, had fun at the colorful events, donned beautiful dresses and savored delicious wedding meals. Ahh such joy.

I also had my anniversary on the same day of one of the receptions. How lovely. Can't believe my marriage is still intact at 27 years. It really is a miracle. Only God knows. The things that we have to go through.. it's unbelievable. 

Then in the midst of all these, my youngest baby finally registered himself for college! How times flew.. the baby is in college. I'm not sure to feel relieved or burdened to the fact that he is staying at home and commute daily to campus. This is not what we plan at all. Not that I want him to get out of the house, but I do feel that being away from the house can teach him some independence and self discovery. But who knows, Allah surely has something better for us to arrange this as such. 

We also had two road trips this month, one to my hometown for a young cousin's wedding (ahh then it is actually 3 weddings). And another trip north tagging along Mr Hubs for a meeting. While he was in a meeting, me and kids managed to savor some great local delicacies. As well as great coffee with a great friend. 

And last but not least.. it was my birthday on the last week of September. Alhamdulillah I made it this far. Alhamdulillah for the good life I've had (though with so many complaints). Alhamdulillah for the great people in my life. Alhamdulillah for everything. 

So there goes. It surely was a wonderful month to remember. And I would say September has always been great to me. Any September.

Please don't mind this entry.. I pen this down for the sake of noting down the events, so that I will remember this month of 2024, so that I will be reminded of how great it was. It is definitely not an entry full of passion writing. I would love to go deeper in each event but the words seemed to be swimming away from me. Oh well! 

The year that almost gone by

 This must be the fastest year of my entire life!! I did not manage to write anything for the past 6 months.. what have I been doing? What have I been doing as to ignore my writing for such a long time? Nothing really! REALLY! I have been postponing my life without realizing that the time passed me by in an instant. 

To say that many things had happened for the past six months.. not really. Not much happened. Nothing extra ordinary I would say. It's just the usual thing, nothing major happened.. life just passed me by.

Now let's see what I had written since last year and compare with the situation now. I noticed there were two major things that I mentioned before. One is the 'decision' that I was supposed to take that should effect my remaining life. On that, last year, no I didn't 'embark' on it. I decided against it, hence my life remains as it is. However, psychologically I feel more at ease. I just changed my perspective towards it. I learnt hard that you cannot expect anything from human, you must totally depend, expect, and ask ONLY from the almighty ALLAH. For whatever you want, every little thing, everything you only get FROM Him.. for whatever you do, you do it FOR Him. Hence, you get appreciation/rewards only FROM Him as well, DO NOT expect anything from another human out of love or out of anything that you do for them. NO NO. Not especially out of LOVE for another human. Even your love should be entirely for ALLAH. Having said this, I pledge and devote my remaining life and love only for HIM. Because I know, HE will not leave me, disappoint me and let alone judge me. Bi iznillah, my life will be more calm and peaceful.

Another thing that I wrote early this year is my quest to be healthier, i.e to lose some fat! Alhamdulillah I fare better in this section too! I manage to control my diet hence lose some extra fat though not much. But I managed to control my cravings and managed to fit into my fave baju kurung without much fuss. Alhamdulillah. It's not so much to fit into baju kurung really but I need to be lighter for the sake of my knees. My knees cannot be burdened by heavy weight as it is losing it's smoothness due to arthritis. I'm partially handicapped when it comes to my knees.. and I'm not even 60 yet! But Alhamdulillah Alhamdulillah I can still walk, climb the stairs and cycle. Been going for physiotherapy sessions since early of the year, still trying to strengthen my calf and thigh muscles. Hope this will work.

The only thing that is still pending, and I think it will be for now, is my work. Did not manage to land any translation job (maybe I don't look hard enough) and did not manage to get new clients or investments. Then again, I know these need efforts. The efforts that I don't go for. It is entirely up to me. This is the section that I'm not so keen to work on, though I would die for extra bucks. But I do believe the rizq from Allah. Hence I don't worry so much. In shaa Allah there'll be something for me in store.

Alhamdulillah. Alhamdulillah i manage to update this today. What I did not update is the children's department, which also got me into a little bit of whirlwind this year. But yeah, let's save it for the next post. 

In shaa Allah till next. Alhamdulillah.

One for the new year..it's 2024!

 So I missed it. I missed the last entry of 2023 and started a new year entry in February. That bad huh! Again I failed to catch the time.. haha. So ok let's start the first entry with a more positive note shall we?

Alhamdulillah I made to the year 2024 with a healthy body and a sound mind. That is really a great blessing one could ever ask for. Especially for somebody like me who has so many doubts and challenges in life. Alhamdulillah, Alhamdulillah, 'ala kullihal.. despite my whines and complaints.. I made it. 

I have long given up on having new solutions for a new year. I'm too old for that anyway. And I especially hate the new solutions such as to get slimmer or earn more money. But I think I do need one this year. It's not so much for the look per say or to be "rich".. no no no. But I do need to get healthier, I do need to lose some fat so that I can "walk" again. My fat is dragging my knees, hindering me from doing many things I like and crashing my dreams to do whatever that I dream to do for a longgg time (like climb some mountains maybe?).. and I do need more money since the cost of living has hiked like nobody's business and it scares me not to have a little bit more perhaps. And most importantly I need to fulfill my responsibility towards the religion, the pilgrimage. I have yet to fulfill that and yet I have travelled to quite some places.. shame on me. 

So yeah.. in shaa Allah. I will update again on the progress, just for me to keep track of how I actually do it or not do it. I have started on the healthy diet (as in watching what I eat and reduce the portion.. perhaps I can start on the movement to keep fit as well) and I hope this will be a new habit. As I have never had any intention to lose weight before, this will be a great challenge. 

And lastly, another challenge to earn just a little bit more, or if I am more motivated enough, earn so much much more. Yeah! This has been a challenge for many many years but i just always made enough, with very much less effort. So what I have to do is give much more effort. And that is the challenge. I know I lack the effort. I have the tools and means, but not so much the effort. Oh God please give me the strength to do this .. aminnn...

And we shall see... 

Entry for the numbers!

 I have to beat my own number of entries for the year. I had 6 last year and this is the sixth for this year. Not sure if I can have another post this year. Not that I don't want but if i remember to write one! Tsk..

The year has come to an end without me realizing it. I am not sure if I live too much for the moment that I forgot to plan for the future? Or I'm too busy looking forward to the future that the future came too soon. For whatever that is, time seemed to skip many moments.. moments passed by too fast. It is too fast that I might have missed it.. too fast that I'm afraid that I may not be able to do things that is left to do in this life.. too fast that I'm scared I go before I am ready, before I can repent and get ready for it. I'm watching the time passing by before me. I have to be faster than time but at this age with a dragging feet, I cannot go faster. I give in too soon because I'm too weak to chase the time. I should have done it before it catches up on me. But yeah.. it is all not my PLAN, as ALLAH IS THE BEST PLANNER. If he does not will it, it will not happen. 

I will not write further as I think I will save it for the next entry. We'll see.

Wishes for life

 September marks another year in life for me, and for my marriage. Most of the time I myself wonder, how did I make it this far? But every time I praise my Lord for this blessings in my, regardless the condition. If it is bad, I take it as a test, if it is good it is also a test and a blessing. What more could you ask as a mere human, a slave to the Almighty. Nothing is yours in this world anyway. This is very much coming from a very calm mind, clear head. I would have written otherwise if I am not in this state of mind. Tsk!

Sometimes I really look forward to life and what it may bring me for the next phase. But sometimes I dread it and wish life could be better. But a session with a friend recently brought another view to life... not that I've not heard it before but maybe it was received at the time my head and heart was not heavy, hence whatever she said was easily absorbed and received well. We'll see how long will this last.

I only want a peaceful life, simple, just enough. I don't need a luxurious extravagance life. My morning would be perfect if I were to wake up surrounded by nature, perhaps with the sounds of waves or flowing stream, birds singing, fresh clean air and most importantly beautiful sunrise above the sea or over the mountains. That would be my perfect morning. And it would be end with a picturesque sunset, perhaps over dinner or a just sitting idle somewhere quiet and tranquil. Ahhh such a bliss.. just by imagining it. Perhaps, someday. 

Life is what you make of it. I have way too many regrets in life that I wish I could turn back the time. But who am I to question this. For every second, every move of my body, and this whole life is determined by the Almighty. I could not even possibly write this without being inspired and moved by HIM and HIM alone. Hence I should be redho whatever has been destined to me and make do with whatever that is in store for me. 

I will not give up on life. I will make the best for whatever remains. I should not waste any time, to make the most of my remaining life. I have yet to perform my Haj, my top priority.. And I have yet to go those mountains and all those beautiful sunrise and sunset spots, I have yet to watch the aurora! I have to see a little bit more of the world before I close my eyes. May Allah grant me the time, the health, the wealth and the kudrat to achieve all these.

The Essence of Time

 Ahhh June went by without me noticing it. It must have been a busy one too! Where did the time go? What did I do? WHERE was I?? Just like that life passed you by. Just like that I passed my 50 years of living. Alhamdulillah.. some people neve made it to 50! Hence I'm thankful and grateful to the Almighty. 

I have yet to make that dreadful decision. And yes, I am still hanging on to that life that I desperately want to get out from. Yeah... perhaps some day. I need to take one step and perhaps it just goes on and I can say.. "and the rest is history".. Perhaps someday! I'm still deciding.. not sure how or when it will happen. But for sure I will write it here. It will mark another milestone of my life if it really happens. 

I just want to have an easy, simple and peaceful life. Is that even too much to ask?